Am I overreacting about what my mil told me today?
She comes over to watch my 6 month old while I clean up the house. I do this mainly so she can be with him for a bit as we don’t see her too much.
Yesterday I sent her a picture of my baby trying a pizza crust for the first time, just the bread with no sauce or anything. He has had bread before and, even though I wouldn’t have normally given him that, my husband thought it would be a good idea to let him try it. Baby loved it, I took a picture and sent to all grandparents. My parents thought it was the cutest thing and she never replied.
Fast forward to today, she comes over and mentions the picture saying :”Wow you introduced a whole new food category, I would be careful”, to which I actually agreed with and said “You’re right, because of the sodium content I probably won’t do it again”. Then she goes on how not only the sodium but the gluten is not safe. Now, important to mention she is cuckoo about her diet, she believes all the instagram fear mongering posts about perfect healthy foods like vegetables/fruits/carbs and tends to believe all the carnivore nonsense. She even sends me videos of babies that are “meat based”. Anyway, just for background.
Then I said “well, I am not worried about the gluten actually” and she says “you should, babies can’t break down the starch”, then, still very conversational and light weighted, I told her that, at 6 months, babies do start to develop an enzyme that breaks down starch. She interrupted and, while laughing, she said “why don’t you go to college first and learn about nutrition? go to school before saying how food works.” Guys. How rude. I was disrespect and dismissed like that in my own my house. I looked at her and said “that was rude.”
I actually read a lot and research to the best of my ability, that was just mean. I didn’t get to finish going to college due to being pregnant, so that was beyond hurtful.
Later on she did apologize, but saying “I know I send you a lot of stuff and you usually ask me for the studies, but I also read a lot too and I know things”. I told her that we would need to agree to disagree, and she has all
the right to believe whatever she wants — but so do I.
She left and with that I know I won’t be inviting her over anymore.
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I’m botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
^(To be notified as soon as jademeaw posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe jademeaw JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
Omg definitely don’t invite her over if she can’t keep her comments to herself. Rude indeed, and frankly what you feed your kid is none of her business. These MIL with food issues need to stop projecting their phobias on our kids. Edit to add, I have one of these as well. She does a lot of “research” and has opinions based on completely unscientific crap.
Hope it was worth it to her.
What a rotten thing to say to you! So she’s saying that everyone who didn’t take nutrition in university/college doesn’t know anything about food?? Then the majority of the world doesn’t know anything about food. She sounds insufferable.
Good for you though that you stood right up to her and told her that was rude you don’t have to take her shit
Pizza ‘bones’ were great for teething when our LO was going through it. Also, ‘gluten sensitivity’ is sometimes self-diagnosed and sometimes erroneously so. There’s been a somewhat recent study about ‘non-celiac gluten sensitivity’ that suggests that gluten itself isn’t the actual cause of the gut problems.
Are there people with celiac and/or gluten intolerance? Yes. Is everyone who blames gluten for their digestive problems right? Probably not.
Does MIL have a degree in Nutrition? No, so she has no right in spouting off her own nonsense.
>She left and with that I know I won’t be inviting her over anymore.
You did good! And not overreacting. Enjoy the peace.
Is SHE a doctor or nutritionist?
Do we have the same MIL???? Sorry you had to experience that, sounds exhausting.
You’re smart enough not to invite her back! Good for you!
The logical fallacy of appeal to authority. OPs opinion can’t have any merit because a degree in nutrition is required. (Which MIL implies both that she has equivalent education and “nutritionists” would agree with her.)
i like you. good boundaries and consequences. if i could add one thing it’s now she doesn’t get any special info. if she asks how baby is eating its always “he’s doing great” and if she asks for details on what is he eating just say “anything we give him”. she gets grey rocked now. nothing that she can try and use to criticize you with
Lots of people have babies that survive without degrees. Heck, I’ve seen people give babies soda and ice cream and their babies are fine. AND I’ve seen plenty of health nuts with no college degrees raise babies.
There was no need to belittle you- if you were doing something unsafe, the actual pediatrician who has to keep their education up to daye would be a perfectly acceptable source of information.
Besides- how did she know it wasn’t cauliflower crust?
What did her son say on learning about his mothers snotty rude comment?
It was 40% nice she offered a half way apology….OK 30%.
OP, if you are in the US, does your local community college offer online classes in early childhood education & development?
And don’t send her any more photos!
She shat in her own cornflakes.
When did she qualify as a paediatric nutritionist then?! 🤔
“And where did you get your nutritional degree MIL? TikTok university?” 😆
Personally, it sounds to me like she’s anxious to be left out of all communication regarding the baby. Only sent her photos of him sleeping, although I’m sure she’ll find a way to complain about that. I also wouldn’t invite her over for a couple of weeks.
The next time she says something inappropriate you respond with your comment was hurtful and unnecessary. And then don’t invite her over for a couple weeks. Eventually, she’ll learn that every time she opens her mouth she gets left out.
I’d have asked her where she got her MD and pediatric specialty from.
The only people who say “I just know it” in lieu of giving actual scientific journals in support of a finding are the problem.
Seems like the trash took itself out in your case. I’d be celebrating.
Next time she goes on about gluten being bad for the baby, look really confused and tell her that South Park isn’t a good place to get nutritional info. Gluten doesn’t make your dick explode!
Hell no, you’re not overreacting. She dissed your knowledge and brought up your unfinished college in a super hurtful way. Her apology was weak, justifying her jab instead of owning up to it. You’re done with her drama, and that’s perfectly fine.
Ask her for the evidence based, peer reviewed study showing gluten is bad for babies.
And be unwilling to discuss nutrition with her at all until she provides it. She won’t be able to.
Before 3 months, sure. But the recommended window is 5 to 6 months, like other foods.
“Go to college first before you talk about your own baby” is next-level condescending. You didn’t need a degree to know that was rude, your gut was right.
You’re not overreacting. She didn’t just dismiss your knowledge, she dismissed you as a mother in your own house. That’s why it stings so badly.
Brava! For calling her out in the moment. Also, for doing evidence based research instead of Facebook based. You go, mama!
Did I miss the part where she went to school for nutrition? Yeah that was rude, aggressive and out of line. Hope she enjoys being kept in the dark about what you’re feeding him and missing out on cute food pictures from now on.
Ask her where she got her degree
“Thank you for your concern. We got this.”
At this point, it’s time to shut down any and all conversations about the baby’s diet. You are a parent capable of making dietary decisions for your child. You need neither her “advice” or her snark.
You now she is nutty with food, don’t send her pictures of your baby eating so she can add her critique. If she questions you otherwise, you tell her you are following the advice of your pediatrician and will continue to do so.
>She interrupted and, while laughing, she said “why don’t you go to college first and learn about nutrition? go to school before saying how food works.”
Uh, pot meet kettle, because I doubt, she has a degree in nutrition. If she doesn’t have that type of degree, she needs to keep her opinions and “research” articles to herself, because I doubt they are from reputable sources.
… and does she have a degree in nutrition?
Given that she buys into all the social media malarkey, I’m guessing the answer is that she does not.
So you can’t talk about food without a degree, but she can? 🤨
I Feel you so fucking bad with this. I call my MIL Dr. Google. She doesn’t do or say anything about my health or my son’s anymore. I have several chronic illnesses and my son could have ADHD like me. She does nothing but just push back no matter what I say my doctors say and what my son’s say.
Recently, she got mad at me so brought up my illnesses as if I was faking them. Bitch I’ve been dealing with this since I was 9. I am mow 37. You don’t know shit.
That was incredibly rude
You DEFINITELY should be introducing your six month old to whole new food categories. Exposing them to different types of food – textures, tastes, etc. is the goal between 6 months and a year. In fact, there is good research on early exposure reducing rates of allergies.
Second – unless you went to college specifically to study infant nutrition, this has nothing to do with whether you have a degree or not. Since she does not have a degree that is about this topic (or is current) the fact she said that was very telling. And rude. I think you calling her on it was a good response.
Finally, it’s your kid. Unless what you fed them is abusive or neglectful, it’s none of her damn business.
Not overreacting.
“Thanks, but we take our nutritional advice from baby’s pediatrician who is more of an expert than someone who follows Instagram diet advice as if it’s gospel.”
Definitely not overreacting she completely dismissed what the babys mother said and thinks she knows better. It is rude and disrespectful and dissmissive. If she brings up his diet again i’d say “Mil, I did not ask for any advice, nor do i need it. Im handling my babies nutrition based on the pediatrician’s guidelines and noone elses opinions”
Ha, I gave my 6mo pizza crust BECAUSE it was recommended on Solid Starts.
Your MIL was rude and you were right to tell her so. You and your husband might consider cutting her off from giving either of you nutritional advice. Maybe approach it along these lines:
We understand that you are passionate about your diet and spend a lot of time researching your areas of interest. However, we don’t actually consider you an expert when it comes to what we or our child should eat. If we have questions or want advice, we’ll go to our pediatrician or genuine experts. Please respect that.