My husband has never been close with his brother growing up and this meant that when we got together 10 years ago, he never made much of an attempt to get to know me. When we had kids and he wasn’t chosen as a godfather (instead my brother was, as my husband and I are both closer to him) he decided to just completely ignore my husband and I at family things. My daughter is going to be 2 in 2 weeks and when I was messaging my husband’s mother about who will be attending the party from her family she mentioned that he would like to come. I let her know that he was not invited and she has said that this is so wrong and she is so devastated. She even went behind my back and texted my husband and said that her and her husband are devastated and that they are brothers and this is wrong and that everyone will be wondering why he isn’t there and it’s embarrassing. To give some context, he doesn’t even acknowledge my daughter when he is in the same room as her. We also had a son in March and he hasn’t acknowledged him once either. Literally since my daughter was born, he never acknowledged her…. he wasn’t at her birthday last year and nobody said anything to me. Wondering how you would put your foot down once and for all for a JNMIL that tries to control who is invited to OUR events at our house.
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Just wanted to add; she had a mild case of vertigo a few weeks ago and is manipulating my husband and saying “you told me when I was sick that you guys would get along, that all I wanted”
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Other posts from /u/Sad-Print5857:
Dizzy MIL, 2 weeks ago
This is not the first time this has happened…, 8 months ago
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Such devastation would be bad to bring to your house. Uninvite her too.
Tell MIL to get BIL to call your husband regarding his desire to be at your daughter’s birthday party.
I’d place a betc that BIL hasn’t even mentioned it (if he even knows) and its just MIL sticking her nose in, trying to force a relationship and the appearance of a “happy, united family”.
Your DH needs to tell MIL that he and his brother are not close and don’t have a brotherly relationship. And she needs to accept it (otherwise, DH and MIL’s relationship may end up the same way! Lol)
You know what’s even MORE wrong/devastating/embarrassing (as well as pathetic as all hell)?? Having a man child like him giving the silent treatment to an entire family because he wasn’t named godfather.
No amount of guilt tripping could ever override the way that man has been acting, and the fact that MIL hasn’t stopped enabling him speaks volumes. She would be uninvited too if she keeps it up.
Tell her you understand her embarrassment so you’ll take her off the guest list to spare her from it.
“Family is the people who show up AND care about the kids. He can’t just show up and ignore a kid on their birthday.”
And then you don’t back down on not inviting him. MIL will get over it. She seems more concerned about what people with think of her and her family than even bothering to try & keep the family together.
Just fully expect her to threaten to not go. It’ll show you how manipulative she can be about it.
“MIL, your attempted guilt tripping is really uncomfortable and if it continues, we will cancel the party all together.” (Don’t cancel – just uninvite his side)
This is your sign to never discuss party plans with MIL except for her personal invite. She’s overstepping big time. Ask your husband to tell her to stay in her lane. If she’s gonna guilt trip you then she can stay home too.
“And?”
“So?”
“And this affects me how?”