My MIL won’t stop talking about/implying that I’m going to be having more kids when I’ve told her multiple times we are done
Alittle more info: our marriage has been in a rough spot for the last 2 years. My husbands family doesn’t know anything about our relationship and home life and to them we are a happy family and my husband is the best dad/ husband in their eyes when honestly it’s not like that at all. He hasn’t had a secure job in 5 years, goes weeks without working or making money, we’ve had problems with trust and lying, and he does the bare minimum when it comes to taking care of our kids and I get nothing from him but sex because it’s obvious that’s all he wants from me. I’m embarrassed to say this but in the last 2 years I’ve had 2 abortions because the thought of having another baby to take care of 100% on my own while working full time and paying for mostly everything, I couldn’t do it. And then the beginning of this year I had a miscarriage probably from the stress of our relationship. And my MIL knows none of this and it triggers me constantly when she’s talking about me having another baby soon
I love my mother in law and I’m honestly blessed to have her. But she’s delusional and very pushy with this and it hurts. I know if I talk to her about these problems in my marriage she will get defensive of her son and it will change our relationship. What do I do?
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Sis… either get on some kind of BC, or get tied. And if possible, start planning your way out with your babies.. sounds like you’re already “single mom’ing” it…
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, I’m sending prayers your way
I wonder if, even subconsciously, she sees the inequality in your relationship and is trying to lock you down with more kids/get more grandkids before you leave him because even she knows no one else is going to willingly conceive with her looser son. Or, alternatively, she’s the got the old school stupid idea that having another baby might help! Which, no, absolutely not.
Get out. I don’t even know you and I know you deserve better.
Why doesn’t his family know about his professional life? Or that he doesn’t help around the house?
Please get on birth control.
Get on permanent birth control please. Two abortions cannot be good for your health. Also, this man is using you and if you can, deny intimacy as you are not a doll or machine. You deserve an involved husband and father. Otherwise, you might as well be on your own. Also, she might know what’s up and want to trap you so getting out is even harder.
Oh girl, make plans and leave him.
Let her know that you aren’t a baby vending machine and your family decisions are yours to make.
Sounds like you need to be I. A sub about Bad Husbands and MIL is the least of your worries.
“MIL, you have been told repeatedly that we are not having more children. This subject is closed.”
She complains? “This has been asked and answered.” Then show her the door, leave or end the phone call.
What’s to love about your MIL? She’s disrespectful to you. She’s likely way too accommodating to her son.
What’s keeping you with your husband? He sees you as his sex object, wallet, cook, maid, laundress, nanny, etc. Anything but a wife who should be equal in the marriage.
If your employer has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), use it to find a therapist and legal counsel. Find a therapist anyway.
My MIL does this to me and the one other SIL that still has a uterus. The only one who doesn’t get this treatment is the one who had a hysterectomy. At this stage I’d have husband get snipped and tell her it’s not possible. Or get an IUD or tube removal or something if he’s not willing depending on what level of permanence you want. Mine’s not very helpful though she just wants more baby dolls to play with.
Kick him to the curb. You owe it to yourself and your children. You are not a sex toy or a baby dispenser. Being a single mom is difficult, but it almost seems like you’re already a single mom, with your husband as just one more child.
I know you didn’t specifically ask for advice in your flair, so I hope I’m not out of line.
Take care.
You are not a grandchild vending machine for her. Your husband has you under a ridiculous amount of stress, sounds like he’s as much a dependent as your literal children are, and it’s time to put what you need first because you can’t keep burning the candle at both ends.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Not any of this. I’m proud of you for making the right choices for your family. Even if it was the hardest thing you’ve had to do.
When my impasse did this i explained it to them like they were children. “MIL, when people don’t have more kids, it’s because they either don’t want to or can’t. Taking to them is not going to change either of those things. Stop bringing this up”. Adjust the tone/ language to your preferred level of condescending.
Repeat this every time she brings it up.
Tell her you have been sterilised.
NO. That is the sentence
If she persists let her know she could adopt if she want children in her life so badly. Then after that every time she brings it up, ask if she’s adopting?
2 abortions and a miscarriage in 2 years? Wtf get on birth control or get sterilized.
Don’t talk to her about the problems in your marriage. Tell your husband no more sex until he gets a vasectomy. You guys need marriage counseling too. If he refuses, I’d seriously consider divorce.
Leave. Your life will be 100% easier without the added stress & burden of caring for the man child that is your husband.
Please don’t feel ashamed for having abortions. You made the best decision for you at the time. I’m sure your doctor had already talked to you about birth control options.
As far as your MIL, tell her the subject is closed and you won’t be discussing it with her. Feel free to stop talking to her if she won’t stop bringing it up.
you could ask her to stop pushing without telling her anything about the relationship – keeping it short and sweet. ‘MIL, i’m sure you don’t mean it this way but i’m stressing myself out when you ask about more kids, could we stay off the topic for now? thank you for being so understanding.’ if she asks why, i think it’s completely fair to just say ‘the current number is already a handful, and that’s where all my energy is going.’ keep it simple, stay guarded while appearing open.
never be ashamed of your abortions. this is exactly why we have the right to choose. if you’re in a place where your rights are at risk, please chase down a hormone IUD. your husband never has to know – i’m on my third one and i love them so much.
You leave your husband and find someone who is worthy of you.
Without going into detail, you tell her to can it with the baby talk. She has as much control over your ovaries and you have over hers. Tell her it’s not happening and not to bring it up again. If she does, she’ll never see you or the kids again.
Maybe stop having sex with him? I believe in a woman’s right to choose what to do with her body, but you’re being so reckless and getting pregnant over and over with a man whom you don’t even like.
You are already a single mum getting the bare minimum contribution from your husband. Time to acknowledge this will never change Or improve.
Talk to a Lawyer. File for divorce and child support. Draw a line under the relationship and go.
stop having sex with your husband he is making you feel like you’re only there for one thing and one thing only. you having gone and having to be embarrassed ashamed about because you do not feel like you can bring another child into your marriage and the life you have currently so don’t feel any bad sort of way because of anyone else and don’t let anyone else make you feel that way . I’m sorry that you had a miscarriage. I don’t know whether or not you would’ve kept that one but I know what you’re going through I’ve had four and telling my mother-in-law that I had actually them wasthe only way to shut her up about having more children because we only ended up with one child so I maybe just tell her you had a miscarriage or something if you’re comfortable letting her know that sort of information about you.
Another thing you can do is tell a mind your own business you I don’t know how many kids you have. I don’t remember seeing it in your post but whether you have one or six it doesn’t matter because you don’t want more kids and it’s not her business to keep harping and harping I knew about it. Just tell her I’m not having any more children or just mind your own business so hopefully the couple of ideas I’ve thrown into my response are helpful to you ,but one thing is clear you have to tell her something otherwise she won’t shut up.
If I could do it again, I would just tell my mother-in-law to f**k off and mind her own business. Rather than telling her what was actually going on because everyone found out about it.