MIL wants to visit after our baby is born… but she’s more work than help.

Hey all, my wife and I are about to have our first child and are super excited about it. We live very far from my wife’s family and my MIL has expressed interest in coming out to see us and the baby.

(Btw my wife knows I’m writing this post)

Unfortunately my MIL is not a super capable person, she would need us to coordinate/ book her flights, pick her up from the airport (2 ish hour drive each way), drive her around and basically take care of her during the time she is here. In addition at times she is just not mentally “with it” and struggles to communicate effectively. (Btw she is 60 so not that old).

I suppose the main concern from my wife is that it would be a lot of work to manage her when we will be dealing with the stress of a new born and other things.

As a result we have been talking about asking her to delay a trip out until we are a bit more settled with the experience and able to entertain and manage the baby.

The key challenge is that my parents and many members
of my family are close by and will certainly be over much sooner / I’m sure they will be helping out. I’m sure she will see that and get upset seeing everyone else be involved.

So I’m curious how you all would navigate this situation. Also I’m curious if any of you have had parents or in-laws who have struggled mentally and how you managed through that with a new baby.

Comments

  1. Skyblacker Avatar

    Maybe your family can help your MIL visit, drive her around? They want to help you and this indirectly does that.

  2. chikkinnuggitbukkit Avatar

    Hell no. You need to take care of your baby and put your family first. She needs a caretaker that can do all of those things so you don’t have to.

  3. xXD0NuTh13FXx Avatar

    Set kind but firm boundaries—thank her for wanting to visit, explain you’ll need a few weeks to adjust, and offer to plan something when you’re more settled.

  4. localfern Avatar

    Maybe recommend her to come a month after the baby is born? It’s your first baby and with her there…. your stress levels will go through the roof. Can your family help pick her up?

    Omg we had non-stop unannounced visitors for a whole month. My parents had no boundaries. My in-laws came over and stayed with us plus we had to take them out with a newborn. I was super exhausted at the 1 month mark. I kind of snapped at my parents and they gave me some space and I did apologize later.