I was wondering if you’re a parent and you don’t get along with your MIL, how do you make it work?
To make a long story short, I don’t think my MIL and I will ever be cool again. She’s honestly the reason “boy moms” get a bad reputation. But now I have a baby and it’s a boy! I’ve learned from my experience with her exactly how not to be one of those toxic boy moms.
She lives in another state, is completely obsessed with her son, and clearly can’t stand me. Now she’s planning to visit to see her first grandchild.
But it makes me uncomfortable. Can someone even love their grandchild if they hate the child’s mother? Half of me doesn’t want to let her see my son, but the other half feels bad that she hasn’t met her first grandchild yet.
Any advice? How do you all handle this when you have a baby but don’t get along with your MIL?
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you have issues with MIL. you did not fully indicate why you do not like MIL Typically, don’t treat parent properly, no access to child. How does your husband feel about this?
If MIL does visit, I would suggest you be with your child always. If MIL does something you do not like, or clearly treats you poorly, toss her out if it is a significant issues.
for an example of issue: MIL is told no kissing baby, MIL kisses baby, tell her she was told not to do it and did it, time for visit to be over – no second chance.
You need to make sure husband is on board. If not, you have a problem with your husband. I would tell husband that you absolutely refuse to be mistreated by MIL and she will be put in her place including visit is over.
You need to assert your authority for your child over MIL.
best of luck. I suspect you will need it.
Well, OP I don’t. My husband handles his family, 100%.
Birthdays, parties, holidays, lunches, visits to either home or any events or activities. He handles the communication from start to finish.
Now, do I have a say, absolutely!! Let me share an example.
Baby’s first birthday party:
Husband and I discuss the following: guest list, date and time (start and end!), menu, activities – if any, location, budget, invitations, our gift for baby, etc.
Guests were our immediate families – parents and siblings (no spouses yet) and a variety of neighbors.
Date and time was a Sunday afternoon, starting at noon, so as to include lunch. Menu – catering from Moe’s! Smash cake and mini cupcakes from my favorite bakery. Activities – we had play-doh kits as favors (we have an older daughter) and coloring pages and crayons. It was on our home, only on the first floor. The budget was small-ish. Mostly catering costs. We did an electronic invitation, texted to our guests. (I did the RSVP as an added text line, not listed on the invitation.)
What my husband did- texted the invitation to his parents and received their RSVP. They asked about a gift, he sent them a link for three suggested items that he and I previously approved. They tend to stay close to our suggestions. When they arrived, he greeted them and got them drinks, showed them the food spread and invited them to eat. I say hello and continue with my other hosting duties. Husband stays nearby and present. He handles anything that comes up. He walks them to the door at the end of the party and facilitates the children saying goodbye.
OP, I do not spend time with my in-laws unsupervised without my husband. They are his circus. My husband also knows that if he doesn’t handle them, I will and he will not like the outcome.