My husband and I are newly married (1.5 months in) and we had our wedding in the city we moved to and currently live. We don’t have any family around just us 🙂
My husband really wants to take his mom on a trip for some reason (I feel like he thinks I’ll get pregnant and he wont be able to). She’s been divorced for about 30 years and has off and on relationships that haven’t been the best so I feel like there is an obligation for him to take him mom on a trip honestly I don’t really know I’m just glad he scratched the idea of us going to Asia with her. He asked where she wanted to go and she wants to visit the city we live in on Mother’s Day (next month).
I’m like wasn’t she just here for our wedding literally just over a month ago. He said yes but she didn’t get to really visit because she was stressed with the wedding (showed up late to everything, missed our two rehearsals, ya know some really cool stuff).
The most annoying part is that my husband is going to pay for her flight and she wants to stay in our two bedroom apartment for a weekend.. the weekend before I’m going out of town for my sisters bachelorette so him and I won’t have any alone time for two weekends now (the week days are limited because of work).
I told him can’t we just chill after the wedding for a little. He said well she wanted to come down before but got sick and had to cancel. He wants to “get it out of the way” I’m like what are you talking about she was literally just here and saw our place and city 1.5 months ago (she stayed at a hotel but asked to stay a night at our apartment). She’s been asking constantly to come visit but she acts like she’s too broke to pay for a ticket and wants to stay in our apartment. We have an extra bedroom but I work from home in it and our apartment isn’t big I mean it’s what you’d consider a traditional two bed apartment.
I explained how I have a hard time on Mother’s Day anyway because my mom passed away and it’s just a sad day for me :/ he’s like well now you have an additional mom and it’s not the same but it’s still your mom. I’m like she’s my MIL that’s a difference.
My MIL was on the phone with us the other day and she’s like how do I get to know your wife better and he said it will take time but she’s pushing a relationship I do not feel inclined to have and that isn’t developing naturally.
My husband thinks that if she finally stays here she’ll stop asking. I’m thinking yeah right this is the first of many asks.
I think a “trip” for her is really important to him for whatever reason so I don’t know if I can really get out of this. I was up last night with anxiety thinking about this. I was clearly not excited about this idea but he keeps thinking he needs to take her somewhere so it’s a lose lose situation.
I guess if she comes next month I’ll be able to remain as distant as needed and I have a dog (thank God) because I can take him for long walks. I have no idea why she wants to stay in our freaking apartment so damn bad. It feels intrusive and weird. I also don’t know why she wants to force a relationship.
Please help. What would you do? Am I being dramatic?
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You don’t have a spare bedroom. You have a heavily-used office.
Live without him one weekend. He’s living without you the next. Send him off with a smile.
And reach agreement about no sleepover visitors. Your office is sacred.
Have you 2 talked about ever letting a parent live with you? Because I get the sneaking suspicion that she’s trying to see if she likes it there and if hubby will pick her over you and if she can move in eventually.
I have a few questions:
Why do you not want to have a relationship with her? Has she done something?
Can you suggest she visit while you’re with your sister?
Has MiL done something that makes her a Just No? I’ll be honest, nothing you posted here indicates she’s a horrible person. I do understand wanting your space as a newly wed, and that’s totally fine. Her asking to come see you doesn’t make her bad just a little pushy. I’d definitely suggest she visit while you’re away.
Let her come while you’re gone on your trip so you don’t have to spend time with her and your husband gets his trip out of the way. Win win!
Why doesn’t he have her to stay while you are away the previous weekend?
No offense, but not everything is about you. I can’t believe you told your husband that he can’t see his mother on Mother’s day because it’s a sad day for you. I’m sorry about your mother’s death but your MIL should not be punished because of it.
And do you get to have your WE away and your husband does not get to do what he wants the next WE ?
You don’t want her to come for a visit. You don’t want her to stay in the extra bedroom. You don’t want her to celebrate Mother’s day with her son. Should she just not call and disappear so you can have your husband all to yourself at all times ?
Do you even care that your husband wants to see his mother and celebrate her on Mother’s day ?
You don’t have a guest room so she should stay in a hotel. End of story. Having MIL there and encroaching on your limited space is not an option. Don’t set a precedent that this is ok.
The simple solution here is for her to visit when you are away for the weekend. You can tell him that you prefer to organically build your own relationships and not have them foisted upon you because that’s what someone else wants.