I gave birth to my daughter 6 weeks ago, it was an incredibly traumatic birth and I had to have emergency surgery immediately after.
After we announced my daughter’s birth my MIL immediately texted to say she wants to come over next month, to which I asked for more time as I have at least two months of recovery time to go.
She has since accepted this but now she’s continuing to send large parcels of baby clothes to my house. Which don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the kind gesture, but I have already said we have enough baby clothes and don’t need anymore.
I would like to ask her to stop but I’m worried she will be offended. But the large parcels every few weeks are overwhelming me as im now having to wash x2 more clothes than I need to and we don’t really have room for them anyway.
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Can your husband talk to her about the clothes? Hope your recovery goes smoothly.
There’s two ways to go about it and it depends on what kind of a MIL you have. If she’s generally not bad at accepting boundaries otherwise and is an overall decent MIL I’d just grit my teeth and smile. Put them away for now and when you feel up to it and a bit more like yourself bang them all on Vinted and put the money in your little one’s bank account. If she’s generally just an overbearing person and this is a just another annoyance on a long list of things then definitely request DH to tell her to stop. If you don’t need them though I’d definitely just put the unopened packages in the loft or something and sell later for a baby fund. Maybe pull a couple out here and there for a quick picture.
Sell the clothes at a consignment shop if you don’t need them.
Tell her you have enough baby clothes. So any additional clothes she sends will be donated to charity.
I donate to a local charity here that provides diapers, clothing and accessories to disadvantaged families. Would be great if you could locate something like that.
Donate or Sell the clothes immediately. A “Buy Nothing” group on Facebook may be a good place to try if you have that in your town. And I don’t think you need to say anything to MIL about it right away but hubby can if he’s so inclined.
If she asks later then you can say, “we asked you to stop sending them because we had too many clothes but you kept right on sending them so I donated them to a women’s shelter (or whatever).” NOR
Every parcel she sends buys her another month before meeting baby
My MIL goes baby crazy and has been known to do this. You have to tell her. She won’t stop until you do. Beware of birthdays and Christmas too.
Don’t even open the packages. Find one place out of sight and out of mind where you can store all the unopened packages. Once LO is a little older and you’re purging clothes and toys and baby items that she’s outgrown, open those packages, include them with the lot of other items, and have a garage sale or donate it all to a local DV shelter so those ladies can have stuff for their LO’s.
You’ve already told MIL not to send stuff because you have more than you know what to do with. So, if she asks you how you liked the clothes and if they fit, or if she mentions that she’s never seen LO wear any of them, just tell her you’re sorry but you told her you had more clothes and baby items than you knew what to do with and to not send any clothes. And given the volume they probably got lost in the shuffle and that you aren’t even sure which ones are the clothes she sent. Just play it off like it’s the least significant issue you have to deal with in your life and change the subject.
first, congratulations on your baby! i am sorry the experience was so awful, i hope you are recovering peacefully now.
really, this is the perfect time to speak up. she’s not in your space so any anger won’t be your problem, you’re actually encouraging her to spend less money, and you need to set a tone that you’re the mom before she comes to visit with the wrong attitude. you’re about to start a new journey with boundaries as a parent, this is a particularly good request to use as practice because it’s a) reasonable and b) easy to achieve for anyone who respects you.
my suggestion would be to frame it around being fully stocked and grateful for the money she’s already spent – she doesn’t have to spend more! combine that with a clearly worded request for no more clothes and you’ve done everything right. remember not to JADE – justify, argue, defend, or explain, because a request this reasonable requires no defense.
have no fear. you’re incredibly strong and now is the time to set the tone!
I would tell hubby to handle his mother first off.
Then I would look into donating the clothes you don’t want to a battered women’s shelter. A lot of times women and their children come into the shelter with what they are wearing and the shelters run on donations.
I know you have a ton going on right now but most battered women’s shelters will actually come pick up the donations because they cannot give out the location of the shelter.
Don’t wash the clothes. Give them away. There are so many people that need them! And let your MIL know that you’re overwhelmed. Perhaps she doesn’t realise. And congratulations on your new baby! I wish you a speedy recovery xx
Don’t wash them just exchange for future sizes if you can’t exchange donate them to a homeless shelter for women and children
Return them and either keep the cash or save the credit for future purchases, or sell them as lots on Facebook
The easiest thing may be to ask for one cute outfit a month and promise a photo of the baby in it. More than that and you’ll just have to donate because you don’t have the space. Photo duties and forwarding donation thank you’s are husband duties.
Domestic violence and women’s programs (YWCA etc.) are always in need of baby clothes. Do ate them; people will be thrilled to get them!!!!
I wonder why they always have to send clothes? Why don’t they ever send diapers or wipes or something useful? My MIL always gives clothes even when we ask her not to and they are so ugly most get immediately donated.
I remember people constantly giving me clothes. Only one person asked if I wanted the clothing before they gave it to me. Most of it came from friends of my FIL, so people I’ve never met. It was so overwhelming. I was constantly sorting through clothes and separating things out by size in the months before my son was born.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when I spent three hours going through all of my son’s clothes, putting all the size appropriate stuff in the dresser and taking two boxes of outgrown stuff to church for their garage sale. The next day I came home from work, walked past his room, then walked back to discover four LARGE trash bags FULL of more clothes.
My meltdown was so bad, my husband had to drag all four bags into the detached garage before I could calm down. It took me a month before I started to go through them.
So, no, you’re not overreacting.
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Your partner needs to address this with their mom. And if she continues to send things you don’t need donate them. And if she says something about where they are tell her. It’s her own fault!
Stop washing all those clothes and toss them into a big plastic tote with a lid. When it’s full, take the bin to the nearest DV shelter, your hospital’s neonatal unit, house of worship, or send to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund.
If you want to do the work, sort out the clothes for much older babies and donate those to a local daycare—a lot of babies are sent in without enough changes of clothes so they sometimes go home in poopy clothing. Sell to a children’s clothing consignment shop.
Your DH could also send the bin of clothes back to MIL with a note in HIS handwriting that your house is full and he didn’t want to waste her money so he hopes she can get a refund. Keep doing it every time a new bin is filled. What she actually does with pallets of baby clothes is up to her but she can’t complain that she didn’t know. Well, ok, she can still complain but you don’t have to listen because you guys will have done your due diligence.
Congratulations on baby girl’s arrival and I hope your recovery is swift and easy!