MIL’s weird jealousy-driven manipulation smacked down by fiancé

Hi! Just wanted to get this story off my chest and offer some hope for others.

MIL has BEEN emotionally immature, jealous, condescending, etc. for the whole time I’ve been with my fiancé (5+ years). In the past, whenever we visit or spend time with her, she manipulates situations to make herself seem helpless, injured, etc., non-stop talks/does things to keep my fiancé’s attention on her, among other things. One of the weirder experiences was when fiancé and I were getting ready to leave his mom’s house with her to go out for the day, he’s standing with me and gives me a sweet kiss, she see’s it and asks “where her kiss is”, and makes my fiancé kiss her on the cheek. It was clear – “I saw you give her affection and I want some too!” behavior. Just gross.

For some additional context, we live several states away from her and only have to see her about 3 times a year. We’ve been in couple’s counseling, working through issues with her, and fiancé has come around to realizing that her behavior is NOT normal, is harmful to our relationship, and he does not have to “just put up with it” because she is his mother. We’ve made great strides and I feel 1000% more supported, heard, and understood today than I did a year ago. Saying all that to say, if you’re significant other is willing, couple’s therapy can do WONDERS for your relationship.

Now to the recent situation. MIL came to visit us with my fiancé’s niece and nephew. She wanted to do a day in NYC (we are driving distance from there) so the kid’s could see the city. We were off to a bad start, as we were running a little late and trying to drive into the city while she is non-stop chatting, worrying about being late, trying to tell us what to do, etc. 2+ hours in a car with her had my fiancé and I already wanting the day to be over before it even began.

There were so many issues throughout the day, that really boiled down to – she complained about anything and everything. She is exhausting to be around.

At one point, we’re walking down the stairs to the subway and I’m walking behind my fiancé, so I just playfully put my hands on his shoulders as I walked. MIL is behind us. We get to another set of stairs and she calls my fiancé back, and asks him to hold her as she went down the stairs because “her knee is bad”. Her knee is not bad. Fiancé told her to hold the railing if she needed support. She didn’t want to because of “germs” (she carries sanitizer and uses it to an unnecessary extent.) He went off on her and basically told her she wasn’t making sense and was being ridiculous. He mentioned to me later that directly after that, as he started walking away from her and she said under her breath “I bet if she asked you (meaning me), you would do it”. He said he just ignored her.

The funny thing is, I heard most of the interaction as it happened and later brought it up to my fiancé as another example of her blatant display of jealousy of me and him. In the past when I’ve done this, my fiancé will instantly try to deny and explain this away. He didn’t this time, and once he told me about the comment she made under her breath, it all made sense.

I am SO proud of him for standing up to her. In the past, he would recognize some of her problematic behavior, but would always try to explain it away, defend her, or just go down the “ignore it and move on” road. The boundaries we’ve been setting with her are starting to really bother her, and her true colors are showing brighter than ever because of it.

Next step – working to call her out in the moment when she says disrespectful things about either of us! Relationships are a forever work in progress, but seeing that progress right in front of me like this has been so encouraging.

Moral of the story – everyone should be in therapy! lol