I have long suspected my JN MIL (in her 70s) has been trash talking about me to my child (6M).
My son adores her. They have always been close.
I was once close with my MIL but a series of her overstepping boundaries and creating drama overall has caused me to distance myself from her over the years.
She picks up my son once a week from school and they spend the evening together. The other day my son told me that she told him “Your mommy is mean to me and she argues with me all the time.”
I am furious. My husband talked to her and she actually admitted it, apologized to HIM (???) and said that we should all keep our feelings about each other to ourselves. I do not let on my feelings or issues with her to my son at all.
I know this can’t be the only time she’s done this. A few months ago she came over to watch our baby and I asked her to thoroughly wash her hands. We’d had issues with her previous making a big stink over washing her hands before we handed our baby over to her. She would literally sigh and walk over to the sink to do it as if it were some huge inconvenience for her.
So when she came over and pretended to wash her hands without even using soap I took my baby out of her lap and calmly asked her to wash her hands. She threw a fit, began screaming at me over and over again “Are you calling me a LIAR?!?!?” so I told her she needed to leave, she stormed out and slammed the door. I have been VVLC since that incident. It’s part of the reason I am not comfortable with her being alone with my baby.
My son asked me, “Why did you make Nana so upset, why did she have to leave” and I remained calm and tell him that we had a disagreement and she was being disrespectful so she needed to leave. I’m certain this event was the catalyst behind the comments she made to my son, MONTHS later.
This is the final straw for me in a very long road with her. We need her help and my son will almost certainly blame me for him not being able to see her if I take away access for her. But I feel that her actions should have consequences.
My husband and I are not in a good place for a lot of reasons (we are in therapy, it is not going well), but I am frustrated with the fact that he defends her and doesn’t see this as a huge problem like I do. I know this can’t the first time she has made negative comments about me to my son. It’s who she is. She gossips and trash talks everyone. I can only hope that one day my son will see the truth about the situation and realize how wrong it was for her to say those things to him.
But he’s a child. And he hears his beloved Nana saying that his mother is a bad person and mean and man….I just can’t get past that.
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My mother m is the justno, and I told my son age appropriately about her. My son loves her, and spent lots of time with her growing up. If he asked why she had to leave, I would say she was bullying me and we don’t allow bullying in our house. I’ve also said Grandma is mean and sometimes she has to go on time out. So when he would ask why he can’t see her, I would respond she’s on timeout. It’s not OK to hurt someone’s feelings. I cut back visits slowly.