My MIL thrives on chaos, and unfortunately, not even she seems to benefit from it. I’ve tried to be patient and supportive, but at this point I simply cannot trust her. She has dissociative identity disorder, and while I initially brushed off my husband’s description of her as “crazy,” the reality has been far more unsettling. Over the years, I’ve caught on to her manipulative behavior, shifting stories, and constant contradictions. Nothing ever quite adds up, and there’s always some level of drama brewing in the background.
Now she has a surgery coming up. My husband is completely burned out from her history of mental health hospitalizations and has distanced himself. Meanwhile, she’s been painting the whole thing as a minor, quick “in-and-out” procedure. But every detail I’ve heard points to something far more serious. Whenever I try to clarify, she laughs it off.
I can already see how this is going to play out: at the very last minute, we’ll get a panicked call that we have to fly in. And if we don’t, she’ll spin the story so that we look cold and uncaring to her friends and extended family.
I love her, but I don’t trust her. And honestly, I’m exhausted by the constant feeling that no matter what we do, she’ll find a way to make us the villains.
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Ignore her panic, let her spin her story to whoever believes her crazy. Don’t engage in the drama.
If she takes the story to anyone just put her on blast with the truth. If you’re worried about the undue burden on your husband last minute, say so in advance so he can start putting the pieces together if/when you’re right. If she says it’s minor get her in writing confirming she doesn’t want you to do anything. Then don’t.
You’re going to have to accept the role as bad guys and know its not true. You know what is going to happen so I would either get in front of it and let other relatives know you are concerned but aren’t able to be there so if she tries to spin it, they already know.
But what is the worst that can happen if people get mad at you over not jumping when she says jump? They can be mad but you dont have to validate those emotions or give it your attention.
If she has DID and thrives on chaos everybody is already onto her. Dont worry.
Don’t engage. Your SO knows exactly how to handle it… by not coming close to this shit.
I’m seeing narcissistic traits galore. The drama she creates and the attention she receives is called “supply”. You don’t have to give her supply, and it would be better for all to distance yourselves as much as you can.
Follow your husband’s lead; it’s his mother. If he wants to deal with it low key, do so. Anything else will just feed the troll.
Follow your husband’s lead. Do you really think her ‘friends and family’ don’t know her MO?
Distance sounds correct. You know she’s going to blow it out of proportion. Don’t give in.
Manipulative people often refuse to take responsibility for themselves and tend to be a bottomless pit of need, pulling in anyone and everyone in their orbit who’s decent enough to want to help. The fact that her own son is completely burnt out speaks volumes, best you keep your distance too.
MIL has friends and family, if they are eager to listen to her bitch about you two then they are available to step in and help.