So a few days ago I broke up with my best friend and first boyfriend. We’d been together for 11 months and he was absolutely in love with me, head over heels. He was always so so kind and gentle, rarely ever raised his voice at me and never got angry. He‘s waited in the ER with me overnight, took me on nice dates, and comforted me every time I’d be crying or sad about silly things. I valued this a lot having grown up in an angry dysfunctional household
That being said it feels like I was never truly happy in the relationship. For the first 8-9 months of us being together, I was constantly nagging him about his habits like occasional smoking and drinking, not eating healthy or working out because I take really good care of my health and don’t smoke or drink, and seeing him neglect himself rlly made me lose my attraction to him. I also didnt think he was as ambitious as me and felt off put by his lifestyle (sleeping habits etc). But every time he’d assure me that he would change and do better, and that I wouldn’t be 100% satisfied or happy in any relationship. So I always stayed with him and would just push the thought of breaking up back because I was so worried about breaking his heart and because I didn’t wanna lose such a kind loving person.
Slowly he started to do better. Less smoking (still would wish he’d quit entirely rather than just do it once a month), very focused on school etc but then it felt like he started having trouble balancing me in his life. He’d talk about being so busy and stressed but he’d go out with his friends and not meet me even though he’d text me a lot and still communicated with me a lot. When I brought up how I felt like he wasn’t making time to do any fun stuff with me he’d say he was busy and only hung out with his friends cuz they stay up late and he’d hang out with them after being done with his schoolwork and I already would go to bed at that time. I still found it upsetting though that he wouldn’t just shift stuff around schedule wise.
He begged for one more chance and promised he’d start doing stuff with me and that we have the same lifestyle just not the same schedule. But I feel like after not being entirely happy for 11 months it’s only fair for me to finally honour how I’d been feeling? We still are friends and talk a lot and he’ll mention how he loves me. I feel really bad and know he wanted a future and marriage with me but it just never felt right even though he’s probably the most kind honest and selfless person I know. even after breaking up he was very sweet mature and supportive and didn’t let me feel guilty at all.
I initially was the one who wanted the relationship and knew these issues but thought he’d change, since we got along so well and were like best friends.
I sometimes doubt my decision and wonder if I should’ve given him another chance but idk…
TL;DR; : I broke up with the kindest sweetest man I’ve met because of how something always felt off in the relationship related to his lifestyle. But I feel so bad for him and don’t know if it was a big enough reason. Worries me about finding the right partner.
Comments
You did him a favour. Don’t worry about it. Some other woman will want what he has to offer.
You definitely did the right thing. It must have been hard, but you did it.
He deserves a partner who loves him the way he is because his boundaries aren’t firm yet and he’d lose himself trying to change to meet your checklist of expectations.
You did the right thing. Partners are not a work in progress or a fixer upper. If you don’t like who he is then you won’t ever like who he is.