Mixed feelings about my mother

Hello,

I’m a uni student with an anxiety and lack of self-trust problem, to put it generally. I have a habit of stuffing what I’m feeling inside so that other people aren’t affected by them, because I don’t want to burden other people with my problems. Especially, my mom.

My mom is a greatly supportive parent in general: she is an amazing mother who has worked very hard to raise me well and also bring home the money (cause my dad doesn’t – but that’s a topic for another time). In any case, she works very hard to support our family and rightfully, she is very tired.

She has especially been stressed and exhausted for the past year or so, so I’ve basically given up on ever consulting to her about anything deep because she already has her problems to deal with. Also, if I try to consult to her, she no longer is supportive of my emotions and rather than comforting me, she tells me to grow up and be braver, to go out and meet some people. She’s right of course, but it’s not that simple – it’s not just a matter of my introversion.

As an introverted person, I know that she has a point, but also I am very frustrated by my emotions being ignored and dismissed like that: so I just don’t talk to her about anything deep or vulnerable anymore. Sad, but necessary.

In any case, today I experienced a failure that truly, utterly frustrated me and I realise that I’d had enough of my anxiety and trust issues. So after many years of silently enduring, I went to my mom and I talked about it. I said I wanted to see a psychiatrist because I have had enough and I don’t want to continue enduring on my own because I cannot anymore and I just want to get help.

Unfortunately, she was not very understanding. One thing about her is that she dislikes going to a doctor for her problems. She even shrugged off after breaking her finger once because she felt ut wasn’t big enough a deal to go to the doctor (which it obviously it was).

She accepted that I can go to a psychiatrist -in fact, she’s agreed to consult her friends to find a good one- but I had to argue a lot just for that. She also thinks that if I just go out and spend some time with people, my condition will improve.

I admit that I am lonely and don’t have much friends -nobody close enough to be true to anyway- but it is not merely my loneliness that is causing my issues .

I just don’t think she’s open to understanding my feelings anymore. She has her own view of life -of me- and she’s sticking to that view and refusing to be understanding of my emotions. She is a great mom, don’t get me wrong, but she is no longer open to goving me the emotional support I need.

I know what you’re thinking: you’re a uni student? An adult? Why are you so immature?!Why are you so dependent on your mom? I just am. I don’t consult to her about everyday problems anymore – or about anything, really, because it’s like she’s never truly lostening or trying to understand – but she is the one person in the world I feel truly safe with (most of the time) and it breaks me to see that she’s distancing herself from me and closing herself off.

I don’t know what I should do, honestly. I’m sorry for the vent, and just… thank you for reading.