My mom goes through these periods where she doesn’t bathe, but what’s worse is she wears the same clothes as well. I walked in her room today and the stench hit me like a brick wall. Yesterday, I told her to use my shower because she complained her bathroom is too small. Thing is, she already knew she could use my shower. She had this behavior before her bathroom was down sized from us moving. I’m not sure what else to do at this point. I’m not sure if I should just flat out tell her she stinks and hurt her feelings or if I should just ask her to ” get ready for the day”. I have two other children to care for. I don’t need to worry about another grown person’s hygiene, and I feel she’s much to young being only 63 to need reminders to bathe. Any advice so I don’t create conflict in the home? FYI she stays with me because her family is over it– so to speak. She’s disabled, never had nothing and never worked a job to get retirement properly. All advice appreciated.
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She is disabled and I am wondering due to her age if she is having issues related to cognitive decline. Or if this is an episodic period of depression or something. The reality is, you may have to prompt her. She is obviously an adult, yes, but an adult who has for her entire lifetime been impaired. You need to accept your reality.
Tell her, “You must bathe 2x/week for your own and everyone’s health and well-being. This is a non negotiable. You are not smelling good today. Hop in the shower. Let me know if you need any assistance.”
There doesn’t seem to be enough context here to make a judgement. Does she have decisional impairment? Is she depressed? Is she doing it for attention? If she feels like she’s not getting enough attention, why? Are her feelings based in reality? Is she a danger to your children? Is it that she needs reminders or just flat out chooses not to shower?
You are focusing on the symptom and not the problem. The question is WHY isn’t she bathing, have you asked her what is going on? Is it a physical situation? A depression one? Fear of falling? So many things can play into this.
I get it, she smells, so your choices are to deal with the smell, kick her out (a care facility), or treat her in that regard as a third child and remind her to shower/bathe.
If you love someone you tell them the truth easiest quickest way to talk about the problem, conflict is always a possibility.
I am 57 and I currently live with two of my adult children and they would tell me in a second if I smelled bad. “Dad you stink!”
Can you set a schedule for her? I know that this is additional work for you, but if she needs reminders to shower and change clothes this is where she is.
I’ve been where you are, kind of, it’s like trying to steer an iceberg, not easy. But hey, props to you for taking care of her, and yourself too! Try setting a gentle alarm on both phones? Like in “Groundhog Day”, every morning’s the same, but who knows, maybe this time she’ll love her new tone!
She needs tested for dementia.
Tell her she smells bad. Add that you understand that she’s probably nose-blind to it, but you’d hate for her to be embarrassed.
You rmother is likely suffering from depression. As good as a shower can feel, for some suffering from depression, it is a huge chore to contend with. You may ask her if there are any soaps and shampoos she likes. Get her a new bath robe, etc. as motivation. However, the bigger issue is to address what is going on with her mentally.