I wasn’t like this before and she wasn’t so angry and easily irritable…
I found out the reason after it was too late.
She had been living with diabetes without knowing and her obesity and depression, contributed to that. When I was a kid I didn’t everything to keep mom safe. I acted as a guard. I defended her , encouraged her and even saved her when she got lung blockage.
I was the closest one to her heart and she was the closest to mine. No one from the extended family helped with anything. We lived in a bubble.
I didn’t know she was sick but I noticed the heightened anger … she insulted me more, didn’t like my personality when all I did was try to be a better person and to start a career.
Our entire lives, we made amazing memories, everyone knew we were the closest mom/daughter but during 2022, 2023, 2024, it got a bit insane.
I met someone I liked , she wanted to interfere , she wanted me to share everything like before but when I refuse she’d hurt me with words like knives… she’d tell me “no one will handle me”
“ I’m hard to be loved.” I’m like my father, I disgust her, I’m all about myself, I’m all about her money ( thanks to uncle ) “
“She raised me to be selfish, she thought I wanted attention from everyone, to prove I was more important than her, to make her small and humiliate her. By telling her what to do ..””””
All of these were unnecessary responses. The last insult was because I wanted her to defend me from extended family… who hate me.
I had low self esteem, went through breakup, got efforts stolen at work, it was difficult. I couldn’t handle being insulted… it was too much!
When I went through a breakup, she told me she wished he’d marry someone else.
I remember I slapped her head with my hands two times, I screamed at her face one time she ran and fell on the floor, I screamed at her face …
But I let her hold her slippers and hit me on my face to make her satisfied because I didn’t want to be a physical abuser after all. I felt like I lost myself… she still didn’t forgive me…and held a grudge.
I responded because I didn’t know she was sick. I found out she had diabetes but it was too late …. She died and I couldn’t be the daughter I wanted to be.. I thought I had time to correct things but I hate myself now
Comments
Hey, don’t beat yourself up. Sounds like you were both going through some real tough stuff and it brought out the worst in both of you. No one’s perfect, dude. We’ve all messed up. Don’t live in the past, just learn from this and try to be better in the future. You deserve love and happiness too, ya know. Keep your head up. ❤️
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way, but it’s important to understand that you were dealing with a lot of pain and confusion. Emotional wounds and misunderstandings can lead to actions that we later regret. It’s clear you loved your mom deeply, and her illness may have caused a lot of her behavior. Now, all you can do is learn from the past, forgive yourself, and work on healing. Seek support from a counselor to navigate your emotions and move forward.
What happened does not erase the love and years of care you gave her. You were her daughter, not a doctor; you couldn’t have known what her illness was hiding. Don’t punish yourself: your pain now also speaks of the love you felt
you making allot of excuses for her behaviour its common thing especially for someone who been abused used by their loved one all i can say is its your mother you cant change that do as much as you can to help but never ever do anything at cost of yourself or your mental health do enough dont allow emotional manipulation affect you to be used she loves you but she isnt mentally stable cant be trusted in anything being sick isnt excuse or having diabetes for anything actually usually these things make people more caring as i said she isnt mentally there and it wont change just do your part not more not less