I(19f) have a 10yo sister who i love very much. My mom however is toxic as hell due to her narcissistic fiancé and I’m planning to go NC on her when she does marry him. Well today I was visiting my sister’s and mom was on her phone watching Instagram reels and she saw a video of a girl who went NC on her parents and turned to me saying “if you ever do that you won’t be seeing (sisters name) until she’s 18.”
For my own sanity I need to go NC but I dont want to go without seeing my little sister for 8 years.
What should I do
Comments
That’s not love it’s control disguised as care. Stay close enough to protect your sister but quietly build your exit because your peace is not a bargaining chip.
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I mean… you can’t go NC with her and expect to see her child. Not saying it’s right but like idk why you would expect anything different.
Not many options here. Either you do it and lose access to your sister, or grey rock your mother for the next eight years for the sake of the relationship.
At least you don’t live there, so there’s that.
Unless your sisters can sneak around to talk to you there’s not really any recourse. Your mom has the right to control who her kids have contact with, unfortunately.
Unfortunately, going NC with your mother automatically means going NC with your sister as well – she’s too young to arrange meet-ups with alone, and may be too young to understand your reasoning. My advice would be to go low-contact instead. Be around enough to visit your sister, attend school events, etc., but avoid being with your mom one on one.
Do not go NC when you move out
You stay LC just enough to keep in contact with your sister. You don’t live with your mom so I don’t see how this couldn’t be managed.
Go low contact and grey rock you mom to keep in touch with your sister and go no contact once your sister is old enough to stay in touch with you independently. For example hopefully she’ll have a cell phone of her own by the time she’s 16 or 17 and you can phase your mom out and have an independent relationship with your sister only.
Your sister probably needs you more than ever with a toxic mom and a narcissistic fiancé. Stay in touch with your sister, maybe the two of you can leave the house together for fun, and sidestep as much BS as you can for her sake.
Keep your mouth shut.
If you thought you could maintain contact with your minor sister, you don’t understand what going no contact means. It truly means acting as if the person has died and skipping events where the person may be present. You lose out on extended family contact.
You can instead set firm boundaries and go low contact. Limit the information you share and limit social contact to only when necessary.
You can’t have both and I’m truly sorry that you are going through this. But there is no compromise. When you cut contact to a parent with a minor child, you lose all access to that child. You can go low contact to keep your sister in your life, but you will have to deal with her parent. That is the closest you will get to compromise on this. I am truly sorry.