Me and my boyfriend (18F and 18M) started dating in my senior year of high school. We are both ahead a grade so I’m currently a sophomore in college and he’s a freshman. We have been long distance for a large chunk of it considering I go to an out of state college (8 hours away). We do visit each other not including breaks probably once a semester. We have been together for 1 year and 11 months- basically 2 years.
While I know we’re young, we have already talked a lot about a future together and plan to get married after we both graduate from college. The problem is that my mom always refers to him as my “friend”. If I’m visiting home and ask if he can come over for dinner she will instruct everyone to clean the house because “name has her friend coming over, we need to make sure the house is clean for any guests”. Like… maybe I’m overreacting but it’s kind of offensive to me that she won’t acknowledge that he’s more than a friend to me.
I’ve had conversations about how what we have is a serious relationship and we plan on being together for a while but she just doesn’t seem to get it. My mom is a perfectionist and wants me to live my life her way. My parents have expressed their disappointment in me still being in a relationship with someone from high school and how they wished I could’ve had the “college experience”. I’ve never been a partier, but I joined a sorority and am involved in several extracurricular organizations. I have several friends and am enjoying my studies a lot. I feel like I’m experiencing college in a way that is good for myself.
My mom grew up wealthy and both she and my dad are very successful while my boyfriend’s parents are not. He is from a poorer family and will be the first to graduate from college. I feel like a lot of my mom’s bias is because of that fact. However, I know him and I know he is working so hard to become successful so that we can both support our future family one day.
TL;DR: My boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts have been together for 2 years, we are now a freshman and sophomore in college and plan to have a future together. My mom has refused to acknowledge that we are in a serious relationship and refers to him as my “friend” which upsets both me and him.
I just want to hear other peoples opinions, do you think this is temporary? How do I approach marriage and such in 4 or so years if I’m still being treated like a little kid and my relationship is not being taken seriously? My boyfriend has very strong family values so my mom’s acceptance (or lack thereof) has become a problem in our relationship.
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So it’s a few things here.. you’re not playing by their rule book, so your mother is having a tough time accepting you have a boyfriend. And as you mentioned your parents come from wealthy backgrounds, it could be that they are looking down their noses at him. Or it could be that they feel you’re both still very young.. you won’t know unless she tells you.
I wouldn’t worry about the marriage thing… I mean this as nicely as possible, but 4 years is still ages away and you don’t even know you’ll be with him by then. Just let her call the relationship what she wants and get on with your life.
This is very strange of her and it seems weird that she doesn’t respect your relationship status. It’s completely viable that you may end up marrying this man so I would hold your ground and try to have a conversation with her about her language surround you two.