My mother in law is Eastern European. She talks all the time about her love for Putin and hate for Ukraine saying they deserve to be taken over. She also says the Jewish people deserved what Hitler did to them. She is also antivax, believes the pandemic was a hoax and takes black market Ivermectin for her cancer.
My husband says that she just has a different perspective and that we will never be able to change her mind. The only option is to accept this and set clear boundaries not to talk about politics etc. I still have a hard time with this as I feel that these are fundamentally different values between what is right and wrong.
In the past she has made passive aggressive comments toward me “I didn’t think you would be cooking tonight” when invited over for dinner. When we asked her to social distance during the height of the pandemic she was pissed at us. Once I forgot my clothes for dinner when we travelled 40 mins and my husband agreed to drive us (me and him) back. She was yelling and almost in tears about how she didn’t want us to go back causing a whole scene. When we returned family members made comments like “oh ya we heard all about that.”
In the past she has given me gifts of clothing/accessories that could not be more different than my style. She makes passive aggressive comments about how nice it is that my sister in law makes an effort to wear the gifts while looking directly at me.
My husband always sides with her saying that I’m misinterpreting what she’s saying or it’s not what she means. I’m looking for someone’s perspective on this situation. We’re expecting a baby and I’m worried this situation is going to get so much worse. Her husband is emotionally absent so she relies on my husband for the majority of her emotional support.
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What else could she mean when she says certain groups of people deserve to die? It’s pretty clear she is a hateful old witch and you should call her out whenever she makes comments like this. You can reply with something simple like “Did you really just say that?” Or “Keep those ideas to yourself because I don’t like hearing them”. Make her feel like the idiot she is. It is concerning that your husband defends her nonsense—makes me think he either doesn’t have a backbone or doesn’t think what she’s saying is that offensive.