Mothers Day Canceled

I’m a divorced mom. My kids are both under the age of ten. I was okay coping with planning my own Mother’s Day and had planned a fun picnic with my kids today and made reservations to go out tomorrow for a very fancy brunch with my mom and my kids.

This morning my oldest woke up with what looks to be a flu, complete with a 102 degree fever and a daytime nap (which they haven’t done in the last four years). They saw my ex and his girlfriend a couple days ago for an event at my ex’s and my oldest said his girlfriend wasn’t feeling well, so I’m really feeling like they caught it over there.

I just got off the phone after canceling the reservations, and I’m honestly feeling pretty devastated. I’m struggling so much right now, to just manage to care for myself and my kids and my house while fighting depression, and I was really looking forward to this. Now, I not only don’t have someone cooking for me on Mother’s Day, but I only have leftover pizza, chicken nuggets and tater tots, and spaghetti in the house, and can’t bring myself to pay the outrageous fees for getting anything delivered, not to mention anything I did get delivered wouldn’t come close to what we missed out on.

On top of that, I know that my ex will be having a lovely day with his girlfriend and celebrating her on Mother’s Day (she also has a kid from a previous relationship) and while I am still very happy to be out of that abusive marriage, I can’t stop feeling angry and bitter about how much it hurts that he gets my kids half the time to post pictures of being a “great dad,” while frequently returning them late, overtired, and/or sick, and no one is celebrating me.

The only thing keeping me afloat right now is my oldest telling me she felt bad about being sick on Mother’s Day and cuddling her close and reassuring her that it’s no big deal and not her fault, and knowing that even if no one is celebrating me tomorrow, I’m raising amazing children and I’m an awesome mom who deserves it.

Now to try and force myself to do dishes and laundry, and mow the yard, and maybe take a shower.

ETA: and now my younger kiddo is also sick, and since they don’t go to the same school, the only place they’ve been together all week besides home with me is my ex’s. I hate this.

I also had forgotten that it’s also coming up on my birthday, and I have no plans, since my abusive ex distanced me from all my friends years ago and my attempts to rebuild the relationships haven’t worked out.

I just can’t figure out how to not hate my life.