Hey everybody,
I have a complicated situation on a simple thing with my soon to be fiancé. In relationship from a year almost.
Let me give a background of each other first!
I (27F) come from a middle class family having no much financial background like own house etc., types, raised by a single mother. I have a brother (25M), not figured out life yet and he has just started it now. I support my family financially. I’m a finance professional.
He (28M) comes from middle class family who owns two houses and some ancestral properties. He is continuing is his father’s business and earns 2-3 times more than me currently.
The misunderstanding starts here.
I wanted to keep some money aside for my mother (for her security). He was not agreeing on to that. So I just compared, just like how your mother is important to you, same way my mother is also important to me.
He gets very angry on this and doesn’t agree on this at all.
He says, as a son he can do whatever he wants to do for his mother and it’s going to be his duty but as a daughter, I can do things to my mother but with a limit. It’s my brother’s duty. There shouldn’t be any comparison between his and mine.
Since he comes from a better financial background, according to him he can do whatever he wants because he is blessed with the opportunity to do so.
But since my financial background isn’t that great, its mine and my mother’s fate and I should think about everything and set a limit on whatever I do for my mother post marriage.
He says, no mother will treat son and daughter the same way. There will always be partiality. If you had any property, you would never get it, it will be your brother’s only.
My point here is, why I should be set a limit on this? I can get/ do whatever I can to my mom in my capacity right? He is going to stay with his mother and I stay in his home away from my home. That’s the should be the only difference. Apart from that there shouldn’t be anyway treating each other’s mom differently na. This is so basic.
It’s little confusing to me because as a human he is good and will be keen on helping others. He is okay with me doing little things and he says its all basic. But he just doesn’t like me compare things to his mother and he wants to be in limits when it comes to my mother.
As a girl of this generation, I’m finding it very difficult to be okay with this traditional Indian mindset. I feel women are made to sacrifice her life in a lot of ways in the name of tradition and it’s so unfair. There is no choice and there is no freedom to do things in our way.
Pls either help me understand the situation from his perspective or help me on making him understand my point. TL;DR
Comments
Do you want to live like this? Where you’re not worth as much because you’re female? Do you want to raise a future daughter with this kind of upbringing? Do you think it’s acceptable for a man to make decisions for you?
You have way bigger issues.
Wtf! Whatever someone earns, has the right to decide what to do with it. Whether it is buying presents, a house, or support family & friends. It does not matter, what you have between your legs.
Whatever these worldviews are, they are… Last century