So I just recently as in a week moved into a new rental with my husband and our children. Honestly home of my dreams and we applied to like ten houses before we got this one. Well my husband has become a complete lunatic and I’m honestly now just wanting to move back to our old rental which my landlord said is fine since we technically have until the 1st. He’s now wanting complete control of my check as in it goes into his account and “gives me an allowance”. My car is breaking down but I’m not allowed to get a new one now because we have a bigger house. If I don’t do any chores during the day he says there was plenty to do and makes me feel bad for not unpacking the entire house. I have done a lot since we have moved in. I went food shopping and spent to much to his liking, again new rental so it was more stuff to buy, so now he’s in charge of the shopping. Again been here a whole 7 days. He is now saying he works ( I’m retired military) so he doesn’t have to do anything after work and I need to be a better housewife and a stay at home mom. I told him I’m going to get a part time job and he won’t allow it. I’m just completely devastated. I feel like if I move back my children will be heartbroken because it’s small and they have their own rooms now but honestly I was happier there. We have always had issues and we wanted a bigger house but I feel like it all is on my now. He even won’t help me figure if the utilities as in getting them in his name because that’s a “me” issue and he’s working and does not want to be brothered. I feel completely alone and just unhappy and really thinking about just filing for divorce and moving back. I enrolled them and school and everything but I’m now just thinking maybe this is it for me and I need to finally be happy. I mean it’s a week and we’re not talking tonight it’s really pathetic and sad. Plus I told him we have never had a joint account so I don’t think my check can even go into his account with his name and I really do not want that.
Moving out of a just moved in house
r/Advice
Comments
That sounds really heavy, and not just “new house stress.” Wanting control of your money, limiting your choices, and refusing to help while demanding more from you are big red flags. It’s okay to put your happiness and safety first, even if that means going back to the old rental or filing for divorce. Your kids need a mom who feels safe, respected, and supported, not trapped. Trust your gut, if this feels wrong, it is wrong.
Your husband sounds very controlling. This kind of situation often escalates to abuse and violence. Your safety and the safety of you children is what matters now, not the square footage of your house.
Please check out the book “Why does he do that?” You’ll need to secretly call a women’s help line to make a safe plan to leave. Leaving a man like this often triggers violence. This book has many resources at the back. Just go along with his bs until you make and execute your plan.
https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
These are some of the biggest most flagy red flags I’ve seen. NO ONE can take your money and “give you” an allowance. You need to make sure you have support, people to stand with you and back you, you need to speak to a lawyer get your affairs in order and figure out the best way for you and the kids to leave him. These little things are never just these things, this control grows and grows until you don’t have an out. Please do not get sucked in and do not let him control you. PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS and leave the trash (the husband) in the can on your way out.