I’m 24 and moving out of my parent’s home for the first time tomorrow. They don’t really support me.
My father believes a woman can only move out once she’s married and my mother doesn’t want me to break the family apart by being rebellious. My sister wholeheartedly agrees with my father and recently moved back in at 29 after she had a fight with her husband. At this point though, my mother and sister have accepted that I won’t change my mind. My sister helped me packing, my mother got me a clothing rack and they both even got me plates and a bowl.
But they’re still against me moving out and say that all the time. Also how I’m probably going to suck at everything like cooking properly or going to the gym regularly. I don’t really think they hate me because they want to support me finding an apartment nearby in about a year after I finished my degree. Right now I’m moving about 1 1/2 hours away into a different city. My father and I don’t speak to each other right now. We did come to the conclusion that moving out would be okay if it’s nearby and he can come check whenever he wants. Well, it’s not. But I’ve been searching for a year and there really aren’t any apartment where I live especially when you’re still a student.
Back then, when I told them that I was going to an apartment inspection, all hell broke lose and they told me how they’re not going to support me, that I’m not allowed unless they die and don’t have to see it etc.. But that was then and now is now. I don’t know, I’m just so confused. I don’t think my father would actually come check if I lived nearby but it does make me nervous. I don’t want him to see the clothes I wear or how I style my hair and I don’t want him to know if I travel or date because he’s really strict.
Now tomorrow’s the date and I’m terrified. Many things they say are right. I don’t actually like the place where I’m moving but it’s the only one I can afford and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I’d love to stay in my home region because it’s beautiful here and I’ve got my friends here. It’s going to be a huge waste of money compared to just staying for another year until I got a full time job. Spending any money gives me anxiety, I don’t even buy books or games I’d enjoy, or clothes or decoration because I hate it so much. I keep everything I have for years until it breaks. Now I won’t be able to save any money anymore and even spend much of my savings.
I don’t know how to cook because I don’t get to. I’d love to finally get control over what I eat and how much but I don’t even know how to shop food for the week and how much I should spend max. How much time will pass until I only eat junk food? I’d love to go to the gym whenever I want without asking or just go on walks. But once I get the chance, will I actually do it? The next gym is about an hour away and I’m not gonna lie, I’m very depressed. I’m not in the city anymore…
I don’t know how to wash my clothes and that’s 100% on me. Even though my parents are definitely toxic, hateful, manipulative, misogynistic and don’t trust me, thanks to them I could save money because they did not make me pay rent and I didn’t have to do many chores (just cleaning, doing dishes, fixing technology things or helping, phone calls, writing their mails and doing their paperwork basically because they’re foreigners etc. But e.g. not washing my own clothes) even though they could have asked for that. On the other hand, where I live, parents are supposed to support you financially and pay your rent by law until you’re not a student anymore or unless they can’t afford it. But then again, I couldn’t ask that of them anyway, because they come from a different culture than me.
To them, I’m the messed up kid that is ungrateful and especially my dad tells me that all the time. I hate to see everything fall apart because I want to move out. Yes there where many fights and I couldn’t live the way I wanted to but compared to now it was peaceful. They don’t even seem angry at me anymore, maybe a bit, but mostly so.. old and disappointed? I hate that.
I’m scared they’re right. I’m scared change comes from within and once I move out, everything will stay the same because I’m still the same and I can’t do anything and don’t have energy for anything. I can’t get professional help because I’ll be working for the state as a teacher and I can’t risk having a bad-looking diagnosis. I don’t have any money, it’s almost all going into rent. And I’m scared that my family will forever hate me for leaving even when I move nearby in a year or so because I’ve disappointed them that much. But I’m moving out in the first place because I want freedom and independence.
I feel like my head is going to explode. Like I’m making the worst decision in my life right now. And even though my family fucking sucks in many aspects, so do I, I’m not the perfect daughter. And I already miss all the time I’ve spent with my mother just watching TV series or talking about anything or assisting my father when he cooks. I can’t believe I’m giving up on this, I want to spend time with them after all. I don’t even know if I’m allowed to visit unless I’m taking remaining things. But at the same time, I just can’t take it anymore. I have to go through with this anyway and I know. I’ll regret it if I don’t. God, I’m just so scared.
Sorry for the really long vent. I’m not even done with packing and it’s already the middle of the night…
EDIT: Thank you for all these kind comments and your advice!! It really cheered me up and made me cry a bit. I’ll have to answer some time tomorrow because it’s almost 2 a.m. already and I have to get up early… It’s going to be a busy day 𼲠But I’m reading everything and I’m grateful for everyone who took the time to read all this and even write something in response, thank you!!
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Hey! I didnât live alone until 29 lol I left my âguardiansâ for the first time around your age and stopped living with my sister as a roommate around 26ish.
By all means financially itâs way better to stay home but if you gotta go you gotta go lol I get that
It is scary! And what hit me hard even after having room mates was is something is fucked up (ac, washer / dryer, etc) you have to deal with it. There is no ugh I gotta go to work fuck it and someone else calls the landlord or what ever haha
Beyond that though and the constant feeling of if I lose my job Iâm fucked feeling itâs been the most amazing year of my life đ
Itâs gonna be scary more than not for a while but itâs hella worth it and you are gonna feel so relaxed one day coming home and being able to vibe and chill with no intrusions or anything really.
Good luck to you and congrats on the life step. And it seems worst case your parents would be stoked for you to come back if it doesnât work out down the road so I think youâre in a great spot really
Make sure you take all of your important documents with you like birth certificate, passport, etc. do not say goodbye, just leave. I expect if you try to say goodbye, then there will be more guilt tripping. I hope you have some friends to learn on a bit as you adjust. Good luck!!
One thing at a time. Â
Learn to cook one thing every other day. Â Have some frozen meals purchased that you can microwave so you donât starve.
Take a way to watch your favorite tv shows with you.Â
Youâll be so tired the first night after moving in that youâll pass out and wake up in your new place. Â It will be absolutely bizarre, but it will start to feel like home.
Go to a community center and explain that you donât know how to cook for yourself and you need help. Â Just be plain about it. Â
there is a care tag on clothes for instructions provided you donât cut them off. Â Â Google what the symbols mean. Go by the instructions at first until you know whatâs safe to change. Â
There are videos on YouTube about cooking and laundry. There is also a subreddit for laundry. Most supermarkets have ready made meals you can reheat. Don’t forget salads and fruit are great options as well. Good luck. You can do this!
Is it scary? Yes. Is it tough? Yes. Can you do it? Also yes. Do you have a lot to learn? Is the learning curve steep? Yes to both of those.
Will it be rewarding? You betcha.
Your father sounds like he’s backwards and living in the 1950s instead of 2025.
Best of luck with your move. Make sure you’ve budgeted your money wisely or you’ll be moving back home.
You are so brave! Give yourself credit for that! You will figure out the things you donât know, but here is a secret: for the rest of your life there will be things you donât knowâŚand thatâs ok! Figuring stuff out is part of growing up. When you have made your move, invest time in finding your local library. You will find lots of resources there for entertainment. Canât afford extracurricular activities? Try volunteering in something you feel passionate about. Youâll meet friends that way, too.
Financially it is a leap, and you will miss your family. But you will also, given time, find you enjoy your newfound freedom and independence. I believe in you! Believe in yourself!
Signed- An Internet Mom
I was 21 and wanted to get an apartment with a friend. I had already lived at home while I got my undergraduate degree. My mom wasnât happy and told me I would have to tell my dad. I did, and he cried. I never saw him cry before or after. It made me feel bad. I moved out. I made some mistakes, but I learned how to be more self reliant. I could cook well enough, and I could do laundry. Maybe I was too naive to be scared. I knew I could move back home if I needed to. Sometimes you have to fight for your independence! You go! You can do this. Itâs okay to be scared when you do something new!
Hey, it’ll be okay. Everyone on here has got your back for this. Get really easy microwave related food to get, start watching videos on recipes and how to cook. Make sure to look into videos on how to do laundry. Hell, I can even give you a few recipes if you’re okay with vegan food. Overall, it’s going to be scary moving into your own place, but you know what? You’ll feel so free. Also, you don’t need to go to a gym either since it’s so far away. Just look up exercise videos on YouTube and boom, you’re good. You like lifting weights? Just order some off Amazon once you are able to, or even buy some at Wal-Mart. Honestly, I’d stop talking to that Dad. He wants to be hateful, unsupportive, and very marriage-pushing? Okay, no more talking to him then. He’s just toxic and making you feel like you can’t do anything just because you’re a female. I’m not saying stop talking to him if you don’t want to, I’m just personally saying what I’d do. This isn’t the 1800’s. You can vote, move out when you want, and you do not have to have permission by some misogynistic asshole. You aren’t useless, you aren’t worthless, and from what I’m reading, you’re a fucking badass who’s finally taking control of their life. You may not see it, but I bet a lot of people in the same situation in this subreddit think of you as someone to look up to because of it. It’s going to be okay, and one day, you’re going to look back and think “Huh, how did I not know how to cook this?”, “How did I not know how to do laundry?”, because it’ll become second nature. It isn’t that you’re stupid, or you’re at fault that you don’t know these things, it’s because you were held back by them. I support you, and everything is going to be okay. I’m here for youâ¤ď¸
I promise you will be fine- even better than fine.
How did they expect you to get married not knowing how to cook or do laundry? Or other adult skills? Odd
Not to worry, youtube can teach you anything.
You are an adult, and in the worst-case scenario, you move back like your sister, but it is your choice to do so. In the best case, you do fine. Get a job, pay the bills, feed yourself, finish school, and then get a better job, just like most of us have done.
It’ll be ok, OP. Definitely an adjustment, but you can do this. First thing when you get all your stuff in your new place, make up your bed. Then when you get tired after all the unpacking, you can just go to sleep.
Re cooking, look up recipes for dishes you like, which will make it more fun for you.
Lots of great advice here. Good luck!
You got this!! You can YouTube how to do all that stuff.
And make sure your parents donât have the keys to your place. You know theyâll show up and go through your stuff. Iâd also turn the location off your phone if they check where you are.
You got this.
I literally moved and succeeded out of spite. They said I couldnât do it. I was determined to prove them wrong. And I did.
All change is scary. You will be ok. Youâve wanted this enough to make it happen. That alone is saying that youâve got this. Iâm very proud of you for doing something this hard.
Ya know the best thing about being on your own? You make the rules.
You donât know how to cook? Ok well learn a new dish once a week but also have cereal for dinner if you want. Itâs ok.
Not sure about laundry? Watch a video! Itâs not hard actually. I teach college students to do laundry all the time. Or drop it off! Many laundromats offer by the pound cleaning.
You can and will learn how to do everything. Youâll also mess it up. But thatâs ok too. Enjoy the chaos!
You will do fine. Just take it one day at a time. Donât over extend yourself. Buy hamburger helper and Mac and cheese, you can take it to the next level from there. Plenty of super easy cooking sites. Laundry unless you want to get fancy or have fancy clothes, separate whites from the colors and wash colors on cold. Or, if you really want to go rogue at first, just put it on cold. You can get pods for everything anymore. No measuring. Good luck!
They’re right, you ARE going to suck at doing many things on your own.
Because THATS HOW LEARNING SHIT WORKS!
You’re SUPPOSED to suck at it at first. It’s supposed to be difficult. But you’ll figure things out. You’ll learn how to cook, do laundry, pay bills, etc. It takes time. It’s not like your parents knew wtf they were doing the first time either.
So, chin up, enjoy the challenge, and make use of the resources others have posted.
2 years from now, you’ll look back and think, “wow, I can’t believe I didn’t do this sooner.”
iâm sorry your family is not more supportive, but this internet stranger is excited for you. I hope that this is a period where you really start to thrive. Although Iâve been married a long time now, I still look back fondly on the time that I lived by myself when I was younger. The freedom, independence, and just the fact that my whole life was ahead of me with unlimited potential, opportunities, and experiences. you get to write future chapters starting now, and nobody can dictate what your life is going to be like or what limitations they think you should have. Prove them all wrong, but do it for yourself.
Everything is going to be great. You’ll love living on your own. Live and learn, 99% of mistakes aren’t permanent and they’re all learning opportunities. Moving can be stressful as its mentally draining even if it’s not physically draining. Cooking is easy, and you’ll get better with practice. It’s also a lot of fun.
There are YouTube videos and tiktoks to learn everything these days.
Your folks sound like they have boundry issues. They should 100% be supporting you.
You got this!
You’re going to do great! I moved out on my own at 18 (I’m 60 now) and there was no such thing as YouTube. I still find stuff on there on how to do things. I bought a cookbook and when I craved something, I’d look it up. Now you can look up just about anything on the internet! Start simple, don’t expect to be a gourmet chef the first couple of years. Laundry is basic, it’ll come easily.
I’m not going to lie. The hardest part is when something unexpected happens. Car breaks, surprise bill, Dr visit. Sometimes it’s hard to handle on your own. I think your parents will mellow once they realize you aren’t going to disappear on them, that you still love them and need them.
Good luck, you’ll do fabulous on your own!
You are so brave! You got this.
Watch tiktok if you can! There are so many useful tips there and it’s a great resource for learning how to clean properly. Don’t go overboard tho lolol
You can do this â¤ď¸
Wow they think you are being rebellious.
A parents job is to raise independent adults. How were you supposed to manage if you did wait until you married. This isnât the 1950âs.
You are concentrating right now on what you perceive you canât do. Look at how far you have come. You are doing it and Iâm proud of you. How much easier would it be to agree and stay at home.
When I moved out I didnât know how to cook or do laundry but that was before internet. Even now I like to cook easy yummy things. Google the shit out of everything.
There is also freedom and doing what you want in your own space. That feeling is amazing.
Youâve got this. Shut their voices out and focus on what you can do
I’m chuckling over here because you’re not supposed to move out till you’re married? And somehow that ceremony will plant cooking skills and everything else in your brain?
I lived on my own before marriage. I think you’re doing the right thing, especially if there are a lot of things you don’t know how to do. You’ll get to practice ALONE, and any mistakes won’t be held up to shame. Make a TERRIBLE dinner? Throw it out and eat a bowl of cereal instead. Turned all your white clothes pink or grey? You might be able to get it out, but if you don’t, buy a new white top at a thrift store and act like nothing happened.
I think the most important thing about being on your own is learning YOU. Among others, you get up and go to bed largely when they do, eat what they always eat, live like them. But you’re about to go on a big adventure! Do you LIKE having a glass of wine on your own in the evening? Some do; I didn’t. I want a drink to be with friends. Do you like staying up late? Most do, and I thought I did until I made my own schedule. Turns out I’m a lark, like a SERIOUS lark. 3:30 isn’t too early to get up. I like colorful foods and bizarre exotic fruits. I like a minimalist lifestyle. I LIKE to workout and hike by myself. Once you know about YOU, you can pick friends and partners who complement your lifestyle, and you can be a better friend and partner yourself. It’s all good!
And all your Internet Moms will be thrilled to help you with all the info and tips you need.
CONGRATULATIONS!!
You got this!! You’ll make mistakes but you’ll learn from them. The first time I lived in an apartment with a dishwasher, I used liquid dish soap. Suds EVERYWHERE.
So proud of you!
I grew up in a home like yours, except not Muslim and the tyrant was my mother not my father. Graduates of the Benito Mussolini school of parenting. Itâs frightening when those who supposedly love and support you the most would literally rather kill you than lose control of you. You are steel tempered by fire. You got this!
When I was in high school (1981-82) my boyfriend had a friend who was 18 and had graduated early. He would have still been a classmate but he finished early. He had an apartment near our high school and worked fast food. He had a twin mattress, a lamp, a small table and tv. Nothing else. No other furniture. His parents were abusive and he left home with the clothes on his back. He looked so proud. What mattered was that he was safe.
OMG. You have to get some distance between yourself and your family.
Moving out on your own for the first time IS very scary. Most people feel that way. Itâs such a big change after such a long time. Most people still manage. Unfortunately, all you can do right now is remember this is normal and push through the fear.
It is absolutely ok to reach out to a mental health professional. It absolutely will not hurt your chances of becoming a remaining a teacher. I and my aunt were both teachers, and we were both hospitalized for depression. Many, many teachers have anxiety, depression, and PTSD, often from teaching. Not getting help is actually dangerous. Getting help is a good sign. (I suppose it does depend on what country youâre in.)
But, you got this! In a few weeks, youâll have a new routine, maybe new friends, new experiences, it wonât be perfect all the time, but itâs about to be great!
You have an exciting learning opportunity in front of you. You will make mistakes and learn from them. Anything you donât know how to do can be googled. You will get better at things the more you do them.
The only way to fail is by not doing anything. If you arenât making any mistakes then you arenât trying hard enough.
You will be fine and the feeling of doing things on your own is huge. Go enjoy your life!
I moved out when I was 26, and I was terrified, but it was okay!
I think of big life changes like driving up a big hill. When it’s far off, it looks huge and so steep! But when you’re driving up that hill, you realize that it’s not as steep as it looked from a distance. It’s doable. One mile at a time.
Get to your apartment, unpack the necessities, then rest and smile (or cry – I did!) After that, you can dabble in learning how to shop for groceries and cook, or how to do laundry.
You might find that life is a little easier with some freedom and autonomy.
You can do this!!
PBJ and power bars are good when you donât want to cook or are lacking time. They can get you over the hump.
Youâve got this. If you wait until you get married you have someone to witness your fails. And yes you will at times fail. But failure is your friend. You learn from failure and not success. So enjoy not having someone there to judge you as you figure out how to be your own adult. Youâve got this and you will rock it!!! Itâs not rebellious, simply growth.
Hey this is a great chance to be on your own. Exciting! And a challenge! The challenge is can you do it. Some think you canât. You can prove em all wrong! Independence. Man that will make you feel so good about yourself that youâre not dependent on them anymore. Sanity you will have your own money time hobbies relationships. Man what a great thing. If your successful you might get all the other siblings to leave too
Yes. Itâs scary. But you may just love being far enough away to become yourself. Itâs not hard to do laundry or prepare food for one person. Youâll see just how self sufficient you are. You saved money, thought about what you want in life, found a place and made it happen. That tells me that you are a strong person. All of the other things will come with time.