Hi guys, I’m in year 13 in the uk and my a level exams are in 40 days and then I’ll be embarking on my gap year however my mum is clearly upset and doesn’t agree with it and everytime I mention it, it causes an argument but I haven’t applied for uni this year so there’s no way around it.
I originally wrote all my applications to study English and sociology joint honours or sociology on its on back in October time. My teacher read my personal statement and essentially said it was terrible so I gave up. I also realised that there’s no job prospects in English or sociology and had no clue what I wanted to do as a career from then onwards so decided a gap year is a good choice. I’ll be applying this year to start in September 2026 and I’m more leaning towards psychology now but possibly English or law too, hence the gap year to help my uncertainty.
I’m going on holiday this September when all my friends will be starting university anyways haha. My plan during the gap year is to actually learn how to play my guitar as I’ve abandoned it, get my driving license and possibly a car by working full time, learn sign language, finish reading all the books on my book shelf and volunteer hopefully in a hospital setting so I can boost my uni applications especially for psychology. I’d also save up for university too. I honestly need a mental health break from education as it’s made me quite depressed and extremely stressed out and I want to actually save money and have time to breathe and do everything I’ve been putting off. I’m also not ready to move out and start higher education yet.
She’s against it for multiple reasons. The first reason is that she’s going to lose a lot of money from the government. As I would be out of education she would be losing £1k a month from the government and about £250 a month from child support as I’m 18 and wouldn’t be in education or training during this time. She’s a single mum who’s a cleaner in a school so I know the financial implications can be really stressful but I’ve offered to contribute about £500 a month and help financially plan things with her. It is slightly annoying that she wants me to go to uni this year when I’m not ready for her financial wellbeing but it’s understandably stressful. This is the major factor she brings up every-time someone mentions it. I’d be working full time so 4-5 days a week and it would work out quite a decent wage anyways so I’d willingly help out if we needed food or a water bill needed paying.
She also said doesn’t want me to stay in poverty as I’m the only one out of my siblings with even a chance of getting a degree. My brother lives with his partner and partners family and is in credit card, car finance and catalogue debt and works in Costa and has had about 10 jobs in 3 years ish. My older sister works 2 days in a takeaway I think and is living off government benefits with kids who barely go to school. If I work hard I could get into a decent university and then progress to a masters or maybe even a doctorate degree. I currently work in McDonald’s 2-3 days a week however and she said she doesn’t want me working there forever as I told her I want to be the one to make it out and she doesn’t to be disappointed. I also told her if I get my license in time and an entry level job comes up with the local police force as a police officer or detective trainee route I’d go for that instead of uni.
I feel terrible for financially inconveniencing us especially as we are already in poverty and inflation is rising and I feel like she’s not thinking about how I feel and my mental health.
But as I’ve missed the deadline for uni applications as I didn’t want to go this year there’s no way around it except from going into the army, joining the police force (grade and time dependent) or applying through something called clearing which is essentially just joining a random course nobody else wanted when I get my grades.
TLDR; I’m a slightly academically intelligent 18yr old living in poverty with my single mum who doesn’t want me taking a gap year because of financial and career implications but I didn’t apply to university so there’s no viable solution at this moment in time.
Comments
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect are enforced on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or “trolling” comments will be removed (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods’ discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to help and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP’s parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed for any reason at all, no exceptions.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
If you have decided to leave education, even temporarily, then you are choosing to embark on an adult life. Your mother is down £1,250 a month. That’s what you need to replace if you are going to continue to live at home.
A gap year is a privilege a lot of people cannot afford. You seem a bit unaware of this. This is not the time for you to play your guitar and read books. This is the time for you to get a full-time job and pay your own way. And possibly even save some money to put towards your university costs when and if you go back.
Part time at McDonald’s is not going to cut it. I’m not sure where you got the idea that anyone can just take a gap year to hang out and de-stress from education. This is not an option for you.
As you said, you have left it too late to change anything this year. Roll up your sleeves and apply for a better job. You will probably need to work more than one job.
You’re not responsible for your mum, you need to live your life, she can get a job if she needs extra money or stay on benefits. You need to live your life guilt free
If you do want to still go to uni you can, there’s a chance you can call a couple schools still and get a place. I got into goldsmiths in august to start in September.
If you don’t know what you’d want to do, I can recommend uni in Scotland which works more like American uni with an extra year to take a variety of courses.
I took a gap year (or 3) because I didn’t know what I wanted to do at uni and felt like I “had” to go
I was going to do teaching because everyone else in my family was a teacher
got offered a couple of places, but sounded so neutral about the whole thing that my mum (a headteacher) told me that she wouldn’t hire me because it’s clear that I don’t care enough
and she was right, I didn’t
so I went and worked in a supermarket and then a care home for a few years, before I found out what I actually wanted to go to uni for
this August will be 10 years since I graduated and I don’t regret it at all – I’m obsessed with my career, I love my current role, and the future is changing in really exciting ways
take the gap year
but don’t just dick around on a guitar – get a decent job, swap jobs, go down rabbit holes when a profession or career sounds interesting and learn about them
and if you’re going to live at home, you’ll need to contribute financially and physically
also, you might discover that you don’t want to go to uni at all, and that’s also fine – not every job needs a uni degree!