Mutual Friends Talk to Me About a Friend of Mine

TL;DR: People come to me to vent about my friend. Sometimes they’re right, sometimes they’re wrong. My friend is hurt that I don’t chew them out, get angry on her behalf, just generally express aggression/anger towards them for this, but sometimes I see where those people are coming from. How should I be handling this?

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As the title says, mutual friends of ours (Me, 27M and her, 26F) will come to me when they have a problem with my friend. We’ve been friends for 7 years, and this has happened on a few separate occasions. I will tell her some of what’s been said sometimes if I think it’ll help her make informed decisions about her relationship with that person (My mistake tbh). And to some extent, it kind of helps on that front? But at the same time, it’s starting to do more harm than good for her mental health, and it’s putting a strain on our friendship. It’s becoming a recurring pattern, and she’s starting to feel betrayed that I’m even allowing these people to come to me about these things. She’s also struggling to understand how I can spend time with people who think poorly of her.

This is where I feel conflicted. It’s not slandering. It’s them talking about their experience of her, and sometimes, the issues these people have with her aren’t unfounded. For example, she talks a lot and will pull the conversation back to herself frequently, especially during a hard time. I get why this makes others feel unheard or deprioritized. She hates texting and rarely reaches out first. I get how that makes others feel unwanted.

I do my best to remind them of what she does offer and correct any misunderstandings they have on how she operates. If they’re wrong, I tell them as much. I encourage them to talk to her, but I can’t force them to. We’ve come to the conclusion together that moving forward, if someone has something to say about her, I’ll just shut it down and redirect it. Remove myself from the equation entirely. However, she still has hurt feelings because I don’t chew them out or get angry on her behalf.

I don’t chew anyone out. That’s not my M.O. I just don’t have that type of aggression in me. Other people seeing her this way doesn’t make me angry because I just see it as the limits of that person’s perspective. When they explain it, I can usually understand it too. I just ask questions to get them to expand their perspective. Nobody seems to have the same issues with me that they have with her, so I can’t empathize either.

I guess my question is… should I be doing something differently here? Should I just make it a policy to shut down any conversation about others in my life from mutual friends? Do others really expect their friends to go argue down with people who don’t like them and try to talk about it?