My daughters (16y) boyfriend (17y), died in a vehicle wreck a week ago. She’s having an extremely difficult time coping.
He was the driver and had 3 of his friends in the car with him. His friends all survived, w minor injuries. The injury he sustained killed him instantly.
I dont really want to get into all the details of the wreck on here. If anyone wants to private message me, they can. But I will say it was a single vehicle wreck. And some of the things leading up to the wreck have her feeling guilt on her end and anger towards the other boys. So she’s dealing with those feelings on top of the pain of her bf no longer being here.
I dont know how to help her.
We are going to be setting up therapy.
She’s very Introverted. Doesnt really like to express her emotions with me. I also work full time so i cant always be a precense. She doesn’t have but 2 friends, who work alot. So doesnt see them often. She’s basically just all alone in the world right now. Her father isn’t a precense in her life. And I myself don’t have much family except my brother and my Dad. So she really has no family except my younger daughter. Basically her boyfriend was her world. They were together every single day. She’s known him for 2 years now.
We live in the country. So it’s not like she can really do anything either and plus she’s currently not driving, but we are working on this bc I know she needs to get out into the world more, maybe get a part time job, meet new people, etc.
Also she started homeschool this past school year. And I’ve asked her If going back to school this coming year would help. She doesn’t want to go back.
So based on what I’ve explained, does anyone have any advice on how we can better help her during her grieving process. I know she will eventually heal. But she just lacks having most all of the things people would typically suggest, and I feel this is just going to make things worse.
Comments
Counseling as soon as you can arrange it even if via video call. It will help her work through all the aspects of this she’s trying to process.
Poor kid ❤️
Honestly, you sound like a very supportive and caring parent. Therapy can be a hard start, but with the right therapist (even if it takes a while), she could start coming out of her shell.
The grief will be hard. The guilt even more. Unfortunately she’ll have to learn how to deal with it in her own way, and on her own terms. No one will be able to tell her how. All you can do is keep being there for her, and being the supportive parent you are❤️
Be understanding. Tell her that it is ok to feel the pain she is feeling. Tell her that is also ok if some days she doesn’t feel anything at all. Being numb is a part of grief. And it is an emotion.
The thing that really helped me through the death of my relationship with my husband was the Headspace guided meditation series on grief. It taught me to sit with my pain and to be ok with it. It taught me to be kind to myself as I worked through everything. Since she is introverted something like guided meditation may be something she might want to try.
Tell her you love her and that you are there if she ever wants to talk to you. And when she does talk to you, listen without judgement. Don’t tell her what she should do, how she should feel, how long it should take her to get over her bf. None of that is helpful. It will just cause her to shut down more.
I think therapy or a grief counselor is a very good idea. Keep in mind that it may take a few tries to find one that is a good fit, but I’m sure there is one out there.
Therapy is an excellent first step, and medication may be necessary, also. Also try and remember that it’s ok for her to grieve and not be ok right now. That is a huge loss, a sudden loss, and at such a young age. She will likely not be herself for a long time. She has to go through her feelings to come out on the other side. Let her feel.
Do watch for warning signs, though. Something like this can cause such intense feelings of despair and hopelessness that she may have dangerous thoughts. Check in with her and get her the help she needs immediately if this becomes a concern.