TLDR / need advice and perspectives on sex. It’s not a hook up, I’m in a loving relationship and I want to enjoy this moment with my partner. But a little part of me also says no bc “wait till marriage” was practically engraved into my head as a child. Any opinions?
if ur here pls read till the end, im rlly looking for advice and im js so conflicted.
So just background i just dont know how to feel about sex. Ive always been told to wait till marriage because its not pure or wtv, js the negative ways society influences girls on sex but then for guys it’s like yehhh all the body counts mean ur an expert 😝(like what 🙂). But anyways, so ive always had the views of wait till marriage.
But I dunno there’s this guy, and we do stuff, like everything expect sex basically bc he doesn’t want to push me if im not comfortable. And it’s not like I’m js jumping into this (we have been in a relationship for like almost two years come November). So it’s not like js a fling and being horny (at least I think 😭). We r in a committed relationship and we want to marry each other, but obviously what the world brings things will happen.
Anyways, I am constantly like conflicted bc one half of me just has the “wait till marriage” shoved in my face/ in my head (bc like as a kid it was litterally shoved down my throat) but as I grow up I believe it’s more towards hookups etc. but then I even talked to my mom about it, and (we have a rlly good open connection so it’s not weird ) she even spoke how she didn’t wait till marriage bc she did it with people she loved. So basically not hookup culture. And I asked to my best friend and she said something along the lines like, “ my boyfriend and I have views on love for the moment, meaning like maybe something might happen along the road but at this point in time we love each other and want to share those special moments as well.” So like I dunno. I agree with that but there’s Js always a part of me that’s hesitant and is like wait till marriage.
I dunno, I’m just so conflicted bc half of me is like I love him do it, but the other half is like no u need to wait till marriage. And I don’t know what to think and was wondering if anyone could give me their two cents 😭.
Also my boyfriend isn’t the one who pier pressures or anything. He is LITTERALLY the sweetest thing 😭, I was telling him about my predicament and he told me —
“ I can never decide for you because it’s your body so what you say goes but I will support you in what ever you decide. Yes or no I’m always gunna love you so never feel pressured or anything relating to sex okay you do what you want to do bby❤️” the title was js to hopefully catch ppls attentjon. Sorry no drama here 😭 js need advice 🙏
Comments
You’re already showing so much maturity by thinking it through instead of rushing. If you still feel hesitant, it’s okay to wait even if just until you feel fully ready. There’s no right or wrong, just what feels right for you. And your boyfriend sounds super supportive, which is a great sign.
You don’t have to decide right now. If you’re unsure, you’re not ready. Only do it if you truly want to, no pressure, no “should.” He loves you, he’ll wait.
If certain views were “pushed down your throat” as you say, that sure isn’t a valid point for holding up those views. The sex is a minor detail – maybe do wait until you have overcome those old voices, so you can enjoy it more freely – you have experienced psychological abuse (as so many have) if things were forced on you.
You know when it right. It’s not right yet. Maybe you didn’t meet ,”right “ yet…
I would first try to understand why, how and where the idea of “wait until marriage” comes from. Is it just something passed down by what religious views teach in society? Is it something that you live by? Is it something taught by your parents, whom you respect a lot (naturally, due to being parents)? Would you feel as hesitant if, instead, you were taught that sex should only happen with those you love and love you back?
If you can break down these things, eventually you will understand why is it such an important matter in your personal decisions.
I absolutely support the idea that you should do what feels right. Just know that there is no punishment for enjoying intimacy, as it is as natural as two random animals or as a tree growing. Equally, there is no punishment for waiting until marriage. It all depends on your own convictions and ideals.
Do you want you want. You should do it when you feel comfortable. Doing it under pressure won’t make it fun. But that “until marriage” stuff was invented as a control mechanism. that shit is for the birds.
Then don’t. And don’t let him pressure you. If he truly cares about you he will respect your feelings.
If you ever decided to have sex ask for his for STD panel.
i was in a long term relationship and i lost my virginity to that guy 1 yr into our relationship. he broke up w me and some part of me wished i would’ve just waited but a part of me is glad i got it over with, you don’t have to loose it right now, there’s no rush take your time because if you loose it to him and yall don’t end up married you will be forever haunted by the thought damn this guy has been inside me and now we don’t even talk to each other 😢
i think you should wait until you feel more sure so you’re not stuck with feelings of regret
i too was thought wait until marriage and after i lost it i felt like i betrayed everything ive been taught and God
Sounds like you have a nice boyfriend. Maybe consider getting married soon ?? I guess no one should really answer that question for you. It has to be what you feel is best. Read up on pros and cons of sex without marriage and see what it says.
DEFINITELY wait. Don’t give yourself away before he’s committed to you through marriage. And I don’t mean “wait because the sex will be better” or anything like that — I’m not into some prosperity mindset that promises perfect outcomes if you do things “right.” I believe there’s something really powerful about waiting until there’s real commitment — not just emotionally or verbally, but a full-life promise. Sex is deeply bonding, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually, whether we admit it or not. Giving that part of yourself too early can cloud judgment, make it harder to walk away if things aren’t healthy, and honestly just complicate things.
It’s your body, your mind, you have to decide you and only you can make the final decision. I can tell you that there’s a 50 / 50 chance you two will not get married. Can you live with this if it doesn’t work out.
Don’t do it unless you want to
I gave my virginity to my best friend just shy of my 18th B-day. We were long distance and it was literally the 2nd or 3rd day of physically meeting her. She said it was magical. Thinking back on it as an Adult now it was Hella rushed and just, awkward. If I could take it back to do it right, I would.
And when I say right I don’t mean wait till marriage. Sex is a very natural part to loving someone. Not just for expressing your care for them intimately, but also to make sure you actually enjoy them before you’re locked into a marriage.
Your first time should be natural. Spontaneous, but not demanded or expected. Live your lives together, love being in each other’s company, eventually there’ll come a moment where something just clicks in your head when you’re with him. Never ever go into the act with conflicted feelings. Know that sex before marriage is not wrong, but feeling like its an obligation is.
Your body your choice. Do not do Anything that you do not want to.
If someone is pressuring you for anything at all, no matter what it is they do not love you, they do not respect you etc etc. You really do seem to know this.
But you do whatever you want to do, I mean within; whatever; ? but you do as you want to. If you feel pressured you will regret it and you are not cared for!!!