I really do like him so much but he says he wants kids in the future. I don’t. I haven’t told him this. We our both each other’s first relationship. He is so sweet and perfect to me, and we have so much in common. We talk for so many hours and laugh. We were talking about kids, and he said that he wants them in the future, and that “people who don’t have kids are kind or selfish” I don’t want kids. The thought of being a mother makes me feel nauseous. I don’t want my body to change. I don’t want all the stress that comes with being a mother. I know I would be so depressed, and I already am. I would rather regret not having kids than having them. I want to travel and have time for myself but I want to do that with him. I cannot imagine a life without him. He says he is serious about me, but I don’t know if that’ll change if I say I don’t want kids. I haven’t told him I don’t want kids, but I plan to today. Does this mean we have to break up? I really don’t want to. I know we are both too young to think about this, but it’s making me so sad I’m literally crying as I type this.
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I mean unless you want to continue and waste time for the inevitable it’s best to go your separate ways now.
Unfortunately kids or no kids is a big point of compatibility in a relationship. If he wants them and you don’t, you’re simply not compatible with each other.
There’s nothing selfish about not wanting kids, having kids is more selfish than not having them. Breaking up is the only thing you can do if you don’t just want to lead him on
You have to tell him and make sure he understands you won’t change your mind. It’s unfair for him if you do not tell him and he will resent you later for that.
Honey imma be so fr with you you’re 18 years old the chances of you marrying this man are not zero but not high. I say don’t rush it yall had the conversation now and at ur young ages this is what u think and it may change it may not but I think this is a convo for years from now. Prior to a marriage you need to be on the same page. I would ride it out honestly no need to be in such a rush
Honestly, at your age, I would just date for a while longer. Its not uncommon to not even be thinking about having kids at your age and then changing your mind 10-15 years down the road. Now if your bf is actually wanting them immediately, then its probably best to split.
You both want two different things in life. It’s best you move away separately toward people with the same goals and ideals. So, unless one of you is willing to give up their children position neither of you will be happy with the other. It’s unfair for either of you not to be honest about your position. Tell him and see where he sits. If you must break up better now than a year or two from now.
Yeah you’re wasting his time too if he wants them and you don’t. Are you expecting him to not have them for you?
You might never want them or you might liveanother 10 years of your own life and decide that it’s ime for a different kind of love in your life.
If you definitely don’t want them then you need someone who definitely doesn’t either because growing old and lonely is going to be horrible if he resents you for mot having children and grandchildren to visit and bring what he wants to his life
I never wanted kids, at 18. I’m 47 and regret not having kids.
My aunt had her tubes tied at 26, and at 70 said it was the dumbest mistake she made.
Your mind might change. His prob won’t.
But you need to be aligned on that value with any partner, or let them go
He wants kids, you don’t. You know this, he doesn’t. And you’re thinking the best way forward is to continue to lie to him, and maybe he won’t notice the lack of children in your lives?
Yes.
Time to go your separate ways – staying together would eventually lead to breakup. If he tries to stay together by saying that he could live without kids, you know that he is lying, since he has told you that “people who don’t have kids are kind or selfish.”
My best advice would be to tell him all this, tell him you want to travel and see the world before setlling with kids.
But I do have bad news, kids or no your body will change as you age thats enivtable. And adoption is always an option to consider if giving birth is the hold up
My good friends that don’t have kids say they are more ‘selfish’ but they are also amazing friends, supportive members of their community, amazing godparents etc. Their relationship together is wonderful. This is a fundamental issue that is likely to be something very difficult if not impossible to resolve. If you can’t find a compromise you are both happy with you may have to consider that you will both eventually meet someone else that wants the same lifestyle as you do. You don’t have to break up immediately but yes you need to tell him how you feel, that you don’t think it will change, and you need to accept that it is his right to end things now if he wants to. It sounds like you are asking if it’s ok to keep quiet and let it continue as it is so good in other ways, but you’re just kicking the issue down the road. One point he may want to check is that he definitely can have (his own) kids – as it’s not a given – but I don’t know how you go about that.
He wants kids for the wrong reason . I don’t get his kid less selfish argument . Seems immature or intolerant . And then of course he wants kids and you don’t . Many women change their wish later on – but not all . Folks who want kids and clearly state that will never give up on this . I shouldn’t say that but losing him might not be such a big loss as his attention anyway would turn away from you to your kids .
Yes, go your separate ways. You’re incompatible. End of story.
Yes. This is one of those no-compromise issues. If you know for sure you don’t want kids – or even if you are mostly sure – you need to break up. Otherwise you’ll end up in a situation (if you stay together) where either he doesn’t get to have kids and resents you for that, or you have kids you don’t want and resent him.
You’re 18 and 20. Too soon to make plans about a future together or kids. Be honest with him about not wanting kids but that doesn’t mean you have to break up immediately. Not every relationship is mean to last for a lifetime.
Honestly you are both so young, it would be easier to split now before you get too enmeshed in each others lives.
Even tho you’re young to be thinking of kids if things go to plan eventually that time will come and it is absolutely a dealbreaker in a relationship. Either you concede and have kids that you don’t want which is not good for the relationship or the child, OR he ends up giving up that dream of kids and he ends up resenting you.
I would say communicate to him that you do not want kids but love him very much and see what he says and go from there. Good luck OP!
Yall are incompatible and just wasting each others time imho
There’s no negotiation here, there’s no half baby to have. Of course, you’re both very young but yes, it is a waste of time.
You can spend some time with this guy until you fall out of love with him / give him a choice – real you or imaginary kids. He’ll regret choosing kids eventually esp if you’re a catch.
You both are very young to make a commitment to each other. Go out, get an education, meet new people, before you decide your future with him.
You want very separate futures. Why would you stay together? Yes you’re only 18 & won’t have kids for years, but why continue to build a life with someone you know you don’t have a future with? It will just be harder to let go the longer you continue.
Dating is like trying on clothes, seeing what you like, what you don’t like. What fits right and what doesn’t. You both don’t fit each other. That’s ok, it’s no one’s fault- it just is.
Yes go separate ways.
Yip. Let him go otherwise 5-10 years down the line this is what will break you up and then it will be worse emotionally. Also – he might try stealthing, or poking holes in a condom or interfering with your contraception in the future.
Having kids is a purely selfish act. It’s not selfless at all.
I can’t believe this is even a question. Yes. He thinks you’ll change, and you think he’ll change. That’s never a healthy relationship.