I’ll try to keep this short and simple as I don’t know how to expand upon it right now. My girlfriend and i started dating 2 years ago, all was well and good towards the start of our relationship, we had sex and all that jazz. Nothing dramatic has changed in our relationship since then but over the past year and half it’s come to a standstill on her side.
The last time we did something intimate was around christmas of 2023. I’ve tried every sexual advancement I can think of but she just shuts it down. I understand that it could also be a problem on my side but I couldn’t think of one right now. She talks about doing sexual things but never follows through and acts upon them.
Now, I don’t want to throw away our relationship over something as simple as no sex, but it’s honestly kind of frustrating. I know she’s not finding it elsewhere and I know she’s got a sex drive but the fact that no matter what I try leads to nowhere is demotivating and quite frankly making me less and less motivated to even bother trying. How do I go about this/try to fix it?
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It’s not about sex, although that’s totally an ok thing to end a relationship over (sexual incompatibility) it’s about communication. Or lack there of.
You haven’t spoken to her about this in 18 months? You can’t “fix” it if you have no idea what the problem is to begin with.
I suggest you speak to her and get a bit of clarity, and u less she’s been through something traumatic or if she has a health condition, It’s probably over buddy.
I mean, what is she answering if you ask her why you two had no sex for such a long time? There are soooo many reasons why someone might not want/feel like having sex. Lemme list a few:
… and so many more.
Honestly, you need to get to the bottom of this. Without her telling you what exactly her issue is, there is nothing you can do to fix it – especially since the “fix” for all those reasons is so different. If she’s asexual, there is no fix. If it’s birth control, she needs a different one. If she got assaulted, she needs therapy. If it’s pregnancy fear in the US, you… are probably fucked.
Is there more to the story? Has any major event happened in her life? Changes in medications? These can cause a change in sex drive. You gotta have a conversation with her.
Well, discussing sex in a monogamous relationship isn’t ’pressuring her’ it’s healthy and allows open communication. You’re not asking her to have sex more, you’re simply expressing you enjoy it and if she feels
Supported sexually and emotionally.
If a subject gets touchy, you can create a safe space for her to express herself.
You need to figure out your bottom line or where you stand on sexual frequency. If she intends to not have sex for another 2 years, are you ok with that? Does she understand where sex lies in your list of importance?
Best of luck buddy, hope it all goes well and smooth — keep us posted with an update with which direction you go
Have you had an actual discussion and tried to hear her out without sounding upset or bothered and defending yourself. How has her mental health been as of late? Maybe even suggest couple counseling cause sometimes as a partner it can help having someone who can word better questions to help you understand what is going through her mind. You’ve been together well over a year and you can’t have a conversation about sex? That’s weird to me, it shouldn’t be weird between you two it should be like any normal conversation between a couple.
Maybe she’s asexual
Y’all have been together for over two years ish right? Have you gotten complacent in the relationship? When’s the last time you did something nice for her without expecting anything in return? Do something cute for her based on her likes, pretend like your in a brand new relationship again and do cute little date things and show her that your there to love and support her, genuinely showing more interest in her.