It’s too early in the morning and I’m not awake enough to recount the entire interaction, so I’m just giving the relevant info I can think of right now.
We drove from our campus to her dad’s house yesterday for her sister’s birthday. She listens to different music than me so I had headphones on a lot of the way and she would just pull them off to talk to me randomly, and then I’d put them back on.
At one point she pulls the headphones off and starts asking me about porn. We’ve discussed the effects of porn multiple times and have our boundaries on watching it separately as well as together. She specifically asked me if I ever just spend hours scrolling through porn without masturbating. I said no, that sounds like an addiction, and she asked me to pinky promise I don’t (our way of asking for 100% honesty). I was really upset that I had to promise I don’t mindlessly scroll through pictures of ass all day.
I would’ve been able to get past it though, if not for the next question. She said I’d be sleeping on the couch, and that her brother (4?5?) might get up and wander the house at not. She told me not to jerk off in the living room at night in case he came out. I kinda laughed at it because holy fuck I’m an adult and I understand not to jerk off in public spaces?? I don’t need to be reminded that like I’m a child? And I just told her I wasn’t going to.
Then she made me promise that I wasn’t going to, and reiterated the situation and tried making sure I understood not to jerk off in front of children.
And the whole time I’m just thinking what the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you think this is something I will do? Why do you want to be with me if you think I’d jerk off in front of kids?
I don’t know how to handle the situation.
TL:DR
My girlfriend is treating me like I can’t function in public without being perverted and I don’t know what to do.
Comments
Sounds like she might have some sort of trauma around this maybe…? did she have an ex bf like this?
This really sounds like something you two need to talk about. I agree with the other poster saying it could be trauma, so when you bring it up try to be careful not to be accusatory to avoid her feeling the need to defend herself or getting triggered. Just let her know how it made you feel, and ask why she feels that way from a genuine point of curiosity. If you haven’t given her any reason to feel this way, it’s best to try not to get too upset/offended personally and actually try to discover what the issue is.
I agree with the other commenter, sounds trauma related. If she thinks it’s normal for someone to just jo in the living room of their family home it means it’s been normalized to her, whether that’s by an ex, a family member, or something.
Just talk to her about it. Either she thinks something very bad about you, or she has some trauma about this. Sit her down and saying something like this:
“Hey, it really upset me when you assumed I didn’t know not to do sexual things in front of kids. It was a little insulting, but it also tells me what you think of me. What is it about me that would make you think I would do that?”
I can understand your frustration. That is definitely troubling. I would suggest talking with her about it and approaching it from a place of curiosity – I’m with the other commenter in that I wager this is related to a trauma of hers and not something you have done.
Break up. There are always other fish in the sea or ocean. You don’t deserve this. Esp if you don’t think she is marriage material and don’t get married right away either!