My girlfriend and I have been together for about three months, and she’s going home for the summer. We’ll see each other on some weekends and for a few weeks.
She has a lot of guy friends, and they often have parties where they all drink and then crash at one of their houses because it’s about a 40-minute drive. One of the guys who frequently attends these parties is someone she sent nudes to in the past. She says he’s not a close friend, just someone in the group.
I brought this up to her because, while I trust her, the situation makes me uncomfortable. She acknowledged that my feelings are valid but also said that avoiding sleepovers entirely would ruin her social life for the summer. Ideally, I’d prefer she not sleep there at all, but I don’t want to come across as controlling.
I want to approach this in a way that respects both her independence and my feelings. How can I communicate my concerns effectively without being overbearing? Has anyone navigated a similar situation successfully?
tldr:
gf wants to sleep at a party with multiple guys including one she has history with, i’m uncomfortable with the idea but I don’t see a good alternative that isn’t too controlling.
Comments
Crashing somewhere so you don’t have to drive drunk is a responsible choice and age appropriate imo. You need to trust her…
You either trust her or you don’t. Gender and history is entirely irrelevant.
Set your boundries and stick to them. If, to you, this crosses the line then drop her. It’s as simple as that.
Hell no that’s weird wtf
Trust doesn’t come with a but.
If you have concerns about the behavior of other people who’ll be there that’s a bit different, but it’s not for you to decide how she hangs out with people.
If there’s no history of cheating or getting drunk and making bad choices then all that’s left is to trust her and let go of your anxiety.
i don’t think you’re overreacting. i think a lot of people struggle with how to modify their habits to single person habits to relationship habits. if you’re single and having sleepovers with your guy friends, that’s one thing. but now that you’re involved, there needs to be respect for what your comfortable with. you’re not telling her not to be friends with them, just simply that you’d prefer her not sleepover with them. i have a strong feeling that if the roles were reversed, she’d have an issue with it.
but also it would ruin her social life for the summer? lol okay…you’re telling me she’s incapable of calling an uber? or drinking less toward the end of the night to go home? sounds like she just doesn’t want adjust her life for you.
So she acknowledged your feelings as valid. That’s good. So what’s her proposal then? It’s not fair for her to say “I totally understand why you’d be uncomfortable, but I don’t care I’m going to do it anyway”