[Trigger warning for mentions of suicide and violence]
I’m having a really hard time figuring out what to do because I love my brother but he has really been scaring me lately. I am a university student that lives with my single mum and brother. Here is where the issue lies. My brother has autism along with some other mental disorders and has struggled heavily his entire life because of bullying and toxic relationships which has lead to many suicide attempts, lots of different medications, breakdowns, and emotional regulation issues. My mother and myself have been a huge support to him and, since a very young age, I felt I had to stand up to his bullies and be his biggest supporter through his many breakdowns. I’ve been through EVERYTHING. I’ve given up most of my childhood looking after him, cooking, cleaning and trying to help my single mum after her divorce to our father, all while trying to manage my own issues with anxiety and PTSD due to incidences with my father (Ive chosen to go non-contact).
After 17 years, my brother has completely done a 180. He has come off all medications and anti-depresants, has gotten a well-paying causal job and is in a healthy relationship for the first time. Everything was going AMAZING and I have never felt more proud of him. But, since Easter he has really been freaking me out and I don’t know what’s happening. When we went to see our family for Easter at an airbnb, my brother was playing with our little cousin (6 F). They were running around a very small apartment through couches and a glass coffee table so my auntie and a couple other family members were repeatedly telling him to “stop chasing her, it’s dangerous” and told him to put something in the fridge for them. He ignored these multiple calls and kept chasing my cousin. After the 6th or 7th call for him to stop running, I put my arm as he passed me to stop him from chasing her. Then without hesitation, he looks me straight in the eye and slaps me across the face. I yell “what the fuck?” But nobody even bat their eye. The maybe 4ish family members were not even 10 Meters away and didn’t even react or help me, just watching and chuckling a bit when our little cousin repeats “what the fuck?” After me. This ruined my entire Easter, which I spent alone outside while everyone celebrated inside. Noone even asked me if I was okay.
Fast forward to 2 days ago (4 days after the Easter incident), my mum was hosting a family bbq for my brother’s birthday at our house. The whole morning I was helping cook, and cleaned the house before guests arrived. Maybe an hour or so before the guests came, my brother was asked to grab the cakes from the downstairs fridge in our garage. This was when I walked in on my way to grab something to then see him eating something off the cakes. I ask “hey! What are you eating off the cakes?”. He got really defensive and raised his voice, saying “I’m not!” Even when I clearly saw him. So I ask again “what are you eating off the cakes? I just saw you”. I was maybe a metre away from him when his expression went cold. He grabs a beer from the fridge and steps even closer to me, raising the bottle in the air by it’s neck and says coldly “what if I beat this bottle over your head?”. This made my stomach drop. Not only is he around half a foot taller than me, but he was very strong and i had no doubts that he would hit me going off of the slap from Easter and his cold expression. My immediate instinct was to fight. I tried to put on a brave face, raising my voice and telling him to put down the bottle as we argued back and forth. He told me to “shut up” and some other things I can’t Remember. I just kept telling him he was a “fucking psycho” and asking “what is wrong with you?”. As he finally was walking off with the cake I shouted “good luck to your fucking girlfriend” before locking myself in my room and crying. I was so shaken and, when paired with my PTSD and anxiety, it just made me feel worse and I immediately broke down. I just sat in my room and sobbed for what seemed like forever. After all these years of protecting HIM and fighting people for HIM and putting myself in danger to calm HIM down during his huge breakdowns. HE had turned on ME. Because this was before any of the guests came, I had to just put on a brave face for the rest of the day. I just felt so numb.
Eventually (the next day) I told my mum that my brother had hit me on Easter and that he threatened to hit me over the head with a bottle after she had expressed how sensitive he has been of late. She was shocked but not angry or anything at my brother, which honestly hurt me even more. She just said that she would mention it to his support worker. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve always been his support so for him to turn around and starting abusing me all of a sudden is scaring me. He has hit me before but that was when we were little kids (maybe 10 years ago) and he was unmedicated+ not in therapy at the time. He is genuinely a completely different person from then. I can’t move out as housing in Australia Is so incredibly expensive and I don’t have a job. Plus, Ive been happy and everything has been relatively good except for these events. Any advice is appreciated. I just don’t know what to do.
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Backup of the post’s body: [Trigger warning for mentions of suicide and violence]
I’m having a really hard time figuring out what to do because I love my brother but he has really been scaring me lately. I am a university student that lives with my single mum and brother. Here is where the issue lies. My brother has autism along with some other mental disorders and has struggled heavily his entire life because of bullying and toxic relationships which has lead to many suicide attempts, lots of different medications, breakdowns, and emotional regulation issues. My mother and myself have been a huge support to him and, since a very young age, I felt I had to stand up to his bullies and be his biggest supporter through his many breakdowns. I’ve been through EVERYTHING. I’ve given up most of my childhood looking after him, cooking, cleaning and trying to help my single mum after her divorce to our father, all while trying to manage my own issues with anxiety and PTSD due to incidences with my father (Ive chosen to go non-contact).
After 17 years, my brother has completely done a 180. He has come off all medications and anti-depresants, has gotten a well-paying causal job and is in a healthy relationship for the first time. Everything was going AMAZING and I have never felt more proud of him. But, since Easter he has really been freaking me out and I don’t know what’s happening. When we went to see our family for Easter at an airbnb, my brother was playing with our little cousin (6 F). They were running around a very small apartment through couches and a glass coffee table so my auntie and a couple other family members were repeatedly telling him to “stop chasing her, it’s dangerous” and told him to put something in the fridge for them. He ignored these multiple calls and kept chasing my cousin. After the 6th or 7th call for him to stop running, I put my arm as he passed me to stop him from chasing her. Then without hesitation, he looks me straight in the eye and slaps me across the face. I yell “what the fuck?” But nobody even bat their eye. The maybe 4ish family members were not even 10 Meters away and didn’t even react or help me, just watching and chuckling a bit when our little cousin repeats “what the fuck?” After me. This ruined my entire Easter, which I spent alone outside while everyone celebrated inside. Noone even asked me if I was okay.
Fast forward to 2 days ago (4 days after the Easter incident), my mum was hosting a family bbq for my brother’s birthday at our house. The whole morning I was helping cook, and cleaned the house before guests arrived. Maybe an hour or so before the guests came, my brother was asked to grab the cakes from the downstairs fridge in our garage. This was when I walked in on my way to grab something to then see him eating something off the cakes. I ask “hey! What are you eating off the cakes?”. He got really defensive and raised his voice, saying “I’m not!” Even when I clearly saw him. So I ask again “what are you eating off the cakes? I just saw you”. I was maybe a metre away from him when his expression went cold. He grabs a beer from the fridge and steps even closer to me, raising the bottle in the air by it’s neck and says coldly “what if I beat this bottle over your head?”. This made my stomach drop. Not only is he around half a foot taller than me, but he was very strong and i had no doubts that he would hit me going off of the slap from Easter and his cold expression. My immediate instinct was to fight. I tried to put on a brave face, raising my voice and telling him to put down the bottle as we argued back and forth. He told me to “shut up” and some other things I can’t Remember. I just kept telling him he was a “fucking psycho” and asking “what is wrong with you?”. As he finally was walking off with the cake I shouted “good luck to your fucking girlfriend” before locking myself in my room and crying. I was so shaken and, when paired with my PTSD and anxiety, it just made me feel worse and I immediately broke down. I just sat in my room and sobbed for what seemed like forever. After all these years of protecting HIM and fighting people for HIM and putting myself in danger to calm HIM down during his huge breakdowns. HE had turned on ME. Because this was before any of the guests came, I had to just put on a brave face for the rest of the day. I just felt so numb.
Eventually (the next day) I told my mum that my brother had hit me on Easter and that he threatened to hit me over the head with a bottle after she had expressed how sensitive he has been of late. She was shocked but not angry or anything at my brother, which honestly hurt me even more. She just said that she would mention it to his support worker. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve always been his support so for him to turn around and starting abusing me all of a sudden is scaring me. He has hit me before but that was when we were little kids (maybe 10 years ago) and he was unmedicated+ not in therapy at the time. He is genuinely a completely different person from then. I can’t move out as housing in Australia Is so incredibly expensive and I don’t have a job. Plus, Ive been happy and everything has been relatively good except for these events. Any advice is appreciated. I just don’t know what to do.
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