My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months now. Not a terribly long period of time, but a period of time nonetheless.
In the time we have been dating, he has not offered head. (Although, we have sex pretty regularly and i have gone down on him a decent amount)
I figured, if i wanted it i should just ask. No point in complaining if i haven’t even made it openly obvious.
So yesterday, we were making out and i had pulled away to ask. I was smiling and a little nervous, but he obliged.
He was down there for two or so minutes before coming back up to kiss again. When we had finished, I made a joke something like “wow that was underwhelming oral!” And on the drive home he was quiet. I thought maybe i had hurt his feelings accidentally.
Before i got out of the car, he stopped me to explain his awkwardness. In which he said “there was hair, and i panicked.” And then elaborated with it made him slightly uncomfortable and didnt know what to do.
For some reference, he has dated multiple women before me. So this was puzzling. I also wax every month, so i know its not a lot of hair.
Despite the logic i was attempting to put together, I was overall just hurt. I understand preferences arent something you can help, but i find myself genuinely pretty upset, and a little embarrassed. Im not sure why this is something he wouldnt mention prior, if that was the case. But i feel guilty being upset, because i guess he cant really change that.
I have an appointment to get waxed later this week, so at least itll be solved to that degree. Its left a bitter taste in my mouth, and im not sure how to solve it.
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He’s 22 and mad about a little bit of hair????????
lmaooooooooooooooooooooooo he’s a weenie. You have nothing you need to solve or do
Find someone who wants to eat you out like it’s his fourth meal of the day.
D U M P H I M
I guess his preferences are his preferences, but as an adult he should appreciate that adult women have hair down there. Only prepubescent children have absolutely no hair at all, and he obviously shouldn’t be liking that.
Basically you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed over, and also shouldn’t have to maintain complete baldness down there to keep him happy. At the same time, no one can force him to do any oral, but he shouldn’t be expecting unrealistic things.
Wow 😬 girl you deserve someone who will eat you out and not be afraid of hair down there, good grief I can’t believe he is in his twenties…
Preferences are preferences, but I have always thought that people who have a preference with body hair and make it seem like YOUR problem are not good to stay with. He’s a grown adult man. He shouldn’t be “surprised” to see your hair down there. If he can’t get through his own insecurity, it doesn’t give him the right to put it on YOU to fix. Whether you wax/shave is completely up to you and shouldn’t be enforced by pressure from you partner. I say dump him, this is a red flag to me and it took him TWO MONTHS to go down on you too? There are better fish in the sea, girl 🙏
I’m 26 and I’m at the point in my life that if a man said that a little bit of body hair made him panic, I’d kick him to the curb. It feels childish to me. It’s one thing if there’s a jungle down there, but if it’s trimmed and groomed there just isn’t a good excuse in my eyes for that to be a problem. I’ve been with guys who prefer things bare, but hair certainly didn’t stop them. There is a difference between a preference and a requirement. A requirement for constant hairlessness would be a deal breaker for me, even if the guy was paying for wax appointments. You’re an adult, you grow body hair, so does he, you clearly don’t want to put in the work to be hairless 100% of the time for your own preferences, if he can’t handle that then I don’t think he’s ready to be having sex.
If I were in your shoes I’d be questioning him on how essential it is for you to be hairless for him to put in effort toward your pleasure, and if it’s something he thinks he can get over. If he said he expects you to be freshly bald every time he goes down on you…I’d be out of there. It’s setting a pretty unrealistic standard of high effort on your end to avoid minor discomfort on his.
People have preferences. If it’s something you don’t align with I’d say leave. Especially if he can’t compromise a little.
Don’t give him head until he waxes all his hair off.
Everyone else is right that this guy is lame but honestly your communication here is not great either – that “joke” wasn’t a joke and to say you accidentally hurt his feelings is disingenuous.
For everyone that’s saying get rid of him: I don’t think you’re properly accounting for the fact that this fella was open and honest about what was going on. You wonder why men are quiet in the bedroom? It’s because of people like you who teach them honesty means the end of the relationship.
OP – y’all are still young and 22yo are gonna think a lot of stuff is on the spectrum of “mildly off-putting” to “I’ll never unsee that”. He’ll come around, just give positive encouragement.
I totally get why it’s upsetting to you. How does he not know grown women have public hair? That’s crazy to me a natural woman made him uncomfortable. You don’t want to deal with this. I mean don’t you have to let the hair grow to get it waxed anyway? So that means he will only go down right after a wax? That sucks. What about in the future if for whatever reason you couldn’t wax?
Nope, I wouldn’t deal with that immaturity.
This man is a loser!
Nope nope nope. Lil dude probably has porn brain. I was with a dude once even older than him who tried to make me feel bad, saying that he “could’ve done a better job but there was too much hair”. But I’ve also been with other dudes of various ages + generations, and most of them either didn’t care at all, or actually preferred the hair bc it was more indicative of maturity and being a grown adult than being shaven was.
So.
1)Do you think he’s into going down on you?
2)Do you think he knows what to do.
I don’t think it’s about hair. I think either he doesn’t like it and then you two aren’t compatible. Or he’s 22, he doesn’t know what to do and you’ll need to teach him.
If it’s about the hair, dump him. But start out telling him it hurt your feelings and you’re wondering if he’s stressed out about going going down on you. Then ask him if he is turned off by oral or if it would be more fun if you told him more what to do.
Go find an actual man.
hair 👀
++ panic ++
Lose this guy. Fast. I have a feeling this is just the beginning of a lot of “issues” he has.
So, how hairy is he himself?
‘I panicked’ is still a him problem, not a you problem. I get that he is young, but he still needs to keep going with that sentence. I want to hear what he intends to do about this panic? If something is unfamiliar, it makes sense to do more of it. So I’d want to see ‘the more’ happening pretty soon. If the next time we got together there was no proactive oral from him? I would pull away and have that conversation during the sex. It is my experience that boys listen a lot more carefully, when their own orgasm starts to be in doubt. I would be calm and smiley, but I would have that conversation.
Don’t change a damn thing about yourself, and your ladyscaping. By all means, give him a little time to get used to a new situation. But not too long. If it’s going to be a big incompatibility, best to know early.
Can I just add? Sexual experience can work two ways. Although he might have had other partners, it might have been a bit Groundhog Day? It’s normal when we’re starting on our sexual journey to think that every future lover will be similar to what we have already encountered. Then you realise that there is a very wide variety of bodies, of cultures, of preferences, and of new exciting discoveries to make about your sexual flow with other people. That is real experience. And we all grow and change our own preferences, based on what we encounter.
It will be interesting (and important) for you to learn whether he is an open minded lover, who delights in new discoveries and learning new skills. Or if, unfortunately, he has had his preferences set in stone already. By his limited experiments, or by particular genres of porn, or something else.
Tell him outright, that you would like to come from oral (if that is something you like and can do). Give him guidance on how you like it. If seeing your pleasure and your climax doesn’t increase his desire to do more of it? And it doesn’t become a regular thing? Then you know he’s not for you.
Seems like he doesn’t want to go down on you at all and used a little hair as an excuse to keep it short. I’d say, if receiving oral is a big deal (and honestly it probably should be if you’re giving it) then might be best to move on.
I also personally find the “no hair at all down there” preference to be weird. I get liking trim or whatever , but bald??
men just dont like having to think about getting anybody off except themselves. so many of us are raised thinking that women are kind of just things for us, means to endings, etc, that you see adult men acting ridiculous like this. he knows you give him much more head than he does to you, but on some level he thinks your job is to get him off and that’s why he doesn’t see the things as equal. I feel u, I date men too unfortunately
Not that long ago, you could’ve had Willie Nelson down there and he wouldn’t have had any reason to panic. This is a him issue and he needs to either grow up and get a pair or you need to dump him.
Nah this weird PornBrain shit of hairless bodies for women is gross and you’re right to be put off by it.
So, you want him to do something. He tries. Doesn’t do great. And you “joke” about how bad he is at it.
That’s a good way to get a guy, or anyone to just never even try again.
He tried to communicate. Maybe he sucks at it. But, there’s an attempt.
Dating multiple women, does not mean he’s had sex with all of them or gone down on them much, if at all.
Ultimately? If you want to continue dating him, that’s on you.
But, you’re not exactly helping the situation either.
“Ask and you shall receive” does not mean you will get exactly what you want or expected right away.
Edit:
It also makes me laugh how everyone is dogging on him for having literally any preferences at all.
If this was the other way around. Everyone would be encouraging OP to have even more and even stricter preferences.
Well, to be fair, I don’t know of any man that would know how to handle being told ” that was underwhelming”… kinda of a really shit thing to say during the moment.
tell him If you’re not plucking a pube from your molar adterwards, have you really given good head?
Each to their own, but we are all adults and you can’t be expected to wax every time you want him to go down on you
“I don’t mind if the kitty has a couple whiskers.”
Forgot what song it’s from, but find a man like that because it’s not hard. I haven’t shaved for almost a week and got oral last night just because he wanted to.
Dump him
I find it quite alarming that so many people say to dump him …
Like she said that his oral was bad after he made an effort which honestly isn’t the nicest thing to say but ok and then when he tried to explain why it wasn’t so good most people here are like you have to do this …
Why …
If a women doesn’t want to do oral all are like respect it and if the dose it bad because of hair it’s like why don’t you get it shaved why should it be different for men he doesn’t have to like oral and maybe he tried for you but couldn’t get into it because of the hair so now it’s on you to choose between hair or getting eaten
He can also have boundaries so yea don’t dump him over something stupid like this and when something is bad ask why he wasn’t so into it and don’t just say yea you bad
I find it quite alarming that so many people say to dump him …
Like she said that his oral was bad after he made an effort which honestly isn’t the nicest thing to say but ok and then when he tried to explain why it wasn’t so good most people here are like you have to do this …
Why …
If a women doesn’t want to do oral all are like respect it and if the dose it bad because of hair it’s like why don’t you get it shaved why should it be different for men he doesn’t have to like oral and maybe he tried for you but couldn’t get into it because of the hair so now it’s on you to choose between hair or getting eaten
He can also have boundaries so yea don’t dump him over something stupid like this and when something is bad ask why he wasn’t so into it and don’t just say yea you bad
Okay so he probably prefers it bald but just framed it as “some hair.” Still your choice, Op. You can shave between waxings or just make it a post-wax thing.
Omg. He panicked? Is he 16? Can he not use his words?
And is he waxed/shaved?
He sounds terribly immature. How does he react to tampons in the bathroom? To you saying you have your period? Maybe that’s a stretch, but good lord.
I have never shaved a day in my life and my first sexual partner (my boyfriend) is very happy and wants me to do what makes me comfortable. Natural, healthy bodily functions don’t scare him. Don’t let him make you feel bad
I think you did hurt his feelings.
Is he hairless himself? Is he a dolphin? If he wanted to go downtown he’d do it without an invitation. He knows how it works. It would be preferable if he said “I don’t really enjoy that and I’d rather not do it” than half-assing it.
you have to be kidding me. BIT OF HAIR AND HE’S WHINING? HAIR IS NATURAL, MAN.
AND HE’S A WHOLE 22 Y/O MAN.
find a guy that doesn’t “panic” over natural body hair.
This reeks of a guy who watches too much porn, but idk
shaming his sexual performance was not okay yall are both messy
If its really about the hair theres no reason to get all upset over a preference have a talk with him about it and if he doesnt want to go down on you unless your waxxed thats his choice doesnt mean you need fuckin dump him if you really love a man youll do shit he likes and if he really loves you he’ll do the same but both parties need to compromise because thats a big part of relationships hes still having sex with you and is still attracted seemingly and id say this is a pretty damn trivial problem
I can’t with people and body hair. A “preference” is a great excuse lmao. Humans are hairy, he needs to GET OVER IT. He likely just dated people previously who were completely hairless or fair haired OR maybe watched too much RONO. Find you a man who wants to eat that nanny like no body’s business girl. This one aint it.
Grow your bush out and tell him to get over it to get into it
Man, good thing he didnt live through the 80s.
Personally, guys who have an issue with hair give me “the ick”. I know porn has normalized hairlessness to some extent, but adult women have hair. Only prepubescent girls don’t.
Also, shaving makes me itchy and gives me terrible ingrown hairs and waxing HURTS. Not about to do that for a man’s immature aesthetic preference.
What a pussy
Real mean would go as far as to sail the red sea less they be a scurvy dog
And this is how porn screws up relationships by giving guys unrealistic expactations of women’s bodies and what they like. NOBODY is perfectly waxed 365 days a week.
I mean… yeah it’s not great, but it kind of sounds more like inexperience and maybe a little panic and embarrassment after the fact? Maybe y’all can try to sit down and discuss it without feeling like there’s judgement which I think your comment was a bit, even if you don’t mean it harmfully.
He probably never really considers that he also has some hairs down there and you deal with it too. Maybe trying to have an open discussion about what going down is like for both of you, while you explore different parts of that.
Like I am surprised a 22yr old doesn’t know what’s up but making shit work is about you both learning and feeling comfortable with each other and a little encouragement (at first) might be all it takes for him to get this life lesson?
Bro I rock a bush like 75% of the time and my partner literally begs to eat me out LOL you’re only two months in and you’re not sexually compatible i say it may not work out. Also the joke is not really cool
She insults someone’s oral performance, yall get on the guy for having a preference he didn’t force on anyone
Dude, if a man loves you, they’ll go through any leaves for the fruit
I think you should first get rid of your idea that “he can’t help” being bamboozled by pubes. He might not be used to it because of the way our society normalizes women removing body hair, but it’s not like he has some kind of condition where he can’t deal with hair. Second, you should talk to him and let him know that oral is something you (presumably) want regularly with a partner. Obviously he doesn’t need to do anything he’s uncomfortable with but you also don’t need to be in a relationship with a one sided sex life. Based on his remark that he “panicked,” that doesn’t sound like he’s unwilling to try again, it sounds like he’s just not super confident with giving oral and needs some encouragement and more regular practice to normalize it to himself.
These comments are wild. When I was younger I had a gf that preferred that I was shaven when she went down on me. Also vice versa, I didn’t mind going down on her, but I preferred she was shaven.
Preferences are preferences. I didn’t shame her for this preference and neither did she shame me. All these people saying break up, and he is a child, but meanwhile both of you are doing a horrible job with communicating.
lol! Pubic hair on his girlfriend’s body makes him “panic”??? And he’s 22 years old??? And this is the guy that gets your pussy wet??? OP c’mon now you’re almost as bad as him for even entertaining this nonsense.
On one hand your “joke” was definitely not a joke, on the other this guy sounds like a tool
Idk, i feel like that shouldn’t matter. Personally when i value it, haur or none it’s fun
Thank god I’m in a relationship where we can talk openly and not insult each other with backhanded comments.
Just split up. You both need to grow up.
These comments are wild.. perfectly valid to not want to give oral because of hair in his mouth.. hell it’s valid to not want to give oral period.. BUT that’s entirely up to you if it’s a deal breaker and two adults should be able to communicate this between each other without joking about expectations and consent
Your relationship is fucked if this is what the NRE is (new relationship energy)… sorry! But got to be real. It’s the best is ever going to be in those first few months.
I could not take a man seriously who was surprised by hair on an adult woman’s vulva. The only time it should be surprising that a human being has hair around their genitals is when they are prepubescent. And obviously no one should be having sexual contact with anyone that young.
Life is too short to be with men like that.
He may not like mayo and mustard in his burger…ie he has childish or a simple taste pallette. Vagina may not taste pleasant to someone of this nature, i know a few people with this exact issue. 60 years old, eats meat and bread and cheese and def not puss. Its so sad his wife cant get her snatch licked. I did it for her a few times out of love and pity for a fellow high drive person in the sly. Oral i might could live without…but communication is where things need to be solid for sure.
Hey, another post of making fun of a guy for A) not being into giving head, B) not being experienced with giving head or C) just having a bad reaction to giving head and ABC) getting made dun of for it.
Flip the roles people. Yes, they should find more compatible matches if this is a dealbreaker but come on, this is just chidish.
i saw a tiktok one time that said, “and if your man won’t eat it with a lil hair on it, that’s crazy because most men will eat a bug for $5” and that sums up what i think about that
If you want to get head at any point during the rest of your life, it won’t be from him
Drop him. If your needs arent being met, bounce. And tell him so, so there is no miscommunications. He is a selfish lay, and you need your pussy eaten often. Deuces!
Panicking because he found hair where most people have hair is a bit concerning.
When I was 18 I dated a 24 year old who had the same preference, felt more like a requirement than a preference really. He was the first guy I’d ever had sex with and up until then I’d never shaved my pubic hair at all because I had no reason to do so and didn’t mind how it felt for me. He told me to shave for him so I did. Naturally I missed many hairs and butchered it since it was the first time. He made sure to bring it up to me and let me know how bad of a shaving job I did. Then every single time without fail and no matter how hairless, he’d still only ever eat me out if I basically begged him to and it never lasted longer than a minute or two if that. He also was terrible at it with no intentions of bettering himself and it really made me assume I just didn’t like receiving oral at all in general til I met my husband who actually cares about my pleasure.
I regret ever wasting my time with that guy and if I could go back in time I definitely wouldn’t have lost my virginity to him and definitely wouldn’t have shaved for him.
So my advice to you is leave him. 2 months wasted is better than several more months or even years wasted on a man like that. You deserve better. You deserve someone who is sexually compatible with you that wants to give you head enthusiastically and does not care whether you have hair down there or not.
Best of luck!
My girlfriend didn’t shave down there this entire summer, and i did not give two shits. It got in my mouth a little, but I didn’t really care beyond it interrupting my flow of tongue movements–> plus she has to deal with kissing me when I have a beard and moustache, and she has really bad face eczema, so who am I to complain?
Your boyfriend’s older than me. He should grow tf up. What a big baby!
Baka di lang sya marunong kumain OP hahaha but if that’s his preference then fine pero parang ang oa naman, lil bit of hair lang then that’s it? Ano ba gusto nya super kinis like ulo ni mr.clean? Lolll. My bf loves to eat me out may hair man o wala, he’s acting like a madman 🤣 minsan ako nalang nahihiya kasi di ako nakapag shave or what pero wala sya pake basta makain nya
Bro is scared to floss them pearly whites
Its just disgusting plain and simple
you’re very logical. i like you
If he doesn’t change, what he said is an excuse rather than an explanation. Don’t give him orals too so that he’ll have an idea what this feels like to you. Kapag wala parin, leave. Important ang sexual compatibility sa relationship, if this is not addressed, this will only build resentment every time it happens. Killer pa naman ng relationship ang resentment.
Wow, you must be really hairy!!
I go down on women every single day of the month, and I dont stop even when my jaw hurts like I ate an entire large bag of beef jerky. I make sure they finish first. find someone who will reciprocate.
Not saying you are in the right or wrong here, but this guy was honest about his experience and what he thinks, and this comment section is literally tearing him apart for his feelings. Telling him “that was underwhelming” is also a sure-fire way of making someone inexperienced insecure and doubt themselves for a long time.
Um, doesn’t he have hair down there as well? Have him wax too. It’s only fair. If not, find a real man that will enjoy you like it’s his last supper. Squeamish men will always be poor lovers.
WTF, normal dudes don’t care about hair…
What a baby
It’s annoying how a lot of idiots on here (most likely single) are quick to suggest for people to leave someone for the smallest of things. There’s a possibility that he could have used that(pubic hair) as an excuse to justify your comment which he may have probably perceived as an insult to his “eating skills”.
Have a calm and mature conversation about it and see what comes of it and rely less on the idiot suggestions of breaking a relationship over the smallest of issues.
For me, going down on someone is exactly like catnip is to a cat. OMG I get so happily intoxicated in what I’m doing!!
Girl leave him, my man loves too no matter what we got going on and I can definitely say with confidence I bet I have more hair than you (i do shave sometimes, depends on how I’m feeling) and even likes to pull my tampons out with his teeth (lol) even when I am feeling sweaty and whatnot, there’s a real eater out there for you somewhere babygirl.
So he doesn’t have any hair down there at all, right? Cuz Fair is fair, you know.
Yeah, that’s bullshit. He obviously doesn’t want to go down on you, otherwise he would have done so of his own accord weeks ago.
I’m a guy and hate to admit it but I borderline hate giving oral and it contributed to my last relationship falling apart. It is what it is. Never in my life have I been insulted for it anywhere else than reddit comments. Shame on you.
But yeah, sounds like he just doesn’t like doing it or doesn’t know how to do it and possibly used the hair as an excuse in the heat of the moment. Could also just be a preference. I’d talk to him about it to figure out where he’s coming from and go from there if you didn’t scare him off with the backhand.
Ultimately if getting oral is important to you and he doesn’t like giving it, it’s a compatibility issue that you have to figure out how to deal with. He doesn’t and shouldn’t have to do any sexual acts that he doesn’t want to and you don’t have to stay if your sexual needs aren’t being met.
The drive home? Where were you guys?
Speaking as a man here. I like going down on women, but it depends on the woman, personally, I like to be instructed since every woman is different and I can’t just repeat the same movements.
As for the hair, that’s very silly, but he might just be covering for the fact he’s insecure about his head.
So maybe try some teasing instructions to help him out?
Okay so, communication on both ends sucks here. Have this conversation again outside of a sexual situation and simply ask about each others preferences. Honestly, oral isn’t for everyone (hair or no hair). If he ends up not liking to perform oral, it is up to you to decide if that is something you can live with in a partner.
i feel like he might’ve said that bc of your joke. Idk though. Some guys would let that comment about underwhelming head get to them especially if he’s never done it before to you. he might’ve felt like he had to give an excuse as to why he didn’t perform well, If your comment embarrassed him. Maybe try asking him again if he’s serious or if it had something to do with the fact you might’ve hurt his feelings. Once that’s established then you can determine whether or not you wanna put up w his preferences towards YOUR body
If the roles were reverse everyone would be bashing a guy that calls his girlfriend underwhelming and telling him to grow up. None of this is helpful.
OP, talk to your boyfriend! He was honest and although you’re hurt it doesn’t seem like he was trying to offend you. Society puts an enormous pressure on us to have no body hair, I would be hurt too. In fact I did have a version of that conversation with my own boyfriend at some point. We have been together for 6 years. It was somewhat difficult for him too, and it’s still very difficult for me, but we keep trying to find solutions together.
Don’t break up with your boyfriend because of this. Just like you could step up and ask him what you wanted, you can also reach out and talk about it to figure out how to make it work for both. You have to be a team!
My ex wouldn’t go down on me. I was with him for 2 years, and he went down on me 4-5 times total, and yea, were just 1-2 minutes each time.
He, like your guy, tried to make it sound like a me issue. It’s not! They simply dont care about our pleasure.
2 months is nothing. Let him go
Men with opinions about body hair are babies, I guarantee you he has body hair that you’ve never complained about. Unless he is also getting a full-body wax regularly he can grow up or get out. Also tough about his hurt feelings. Give bad head get called out. No one with self respect is going to applaud you for bad performance especially if its intentional.
The fact that he “panicked” because he saw hair, whatever little amount there was, tells me that was just an excuse so he didn’t have to do something he didn’t want to in the first place…
You’ve been together for a couple months and he hasn’t even done it on his own accord?
He’s a selfish lover, sorry to say. And he ain’t ever gonna eat that peach as much as you want
How can you call someone your boyfriend after dating for only two months?
Bro needs to grow tf up. Thats not the kind of preference or “kink” that you can’t change. You can learn to enjoy a bit of hair (or a lot of hair) for the pleasure of your partner. Sounds like he grew up on porn and is lazy and a bit selfish and has not reflected on this.
I bet he also doesn’t like going outside if the temperature is not 24C @ 50% humidity.
Men nowadays could not have survived the last few centuries.
Girl I could have a full bush and my man doesn’t complain. Don’t settle for someone who won’t treat you equally in bed. The good thing is this relationship is still new. Talk with him and see if he has another reason for not eating. If his answer is dumb, DUMP HIS ASS
I hope there’s hair down there! I never got the whole hairless thing, kind of creeps me out. I want a woman who can grow hair, not a Barbie doll
There are men out there that love the jungle. Full bush no wax. Find them!