I grew up very sheltered. My mother was always super protective of me; I wasn’t allowed sleepovers, I couldn’t hang out with my friends spontaneously, and if I really wanted to go out I’d have to inform her at least 5 days prior to the actual hangout. I thought she’d grow out of this as I grew up, but well she didn’t.
She does all of that AND more. She calls me every couple of hours (sometimes minutes) when I’m out. I live in South Asia where, if you have a car, it is not unheard to also have a designated driver for it (including this so you guys get the context), and she also constantly calls the person who drives me around. Constantly. She even calls my friends if I happen to not pick her calls up.
I tell her that none of my other friends’ parents do this stuff and that they actually let them go out, and to this she says, “They’re irresponsible parents”. ?????
Anyway.
She constantly guilt trips me. When I’m back from hanging out with my friends she keeps interrogating me about them. When I tell her I want to go hang out with my friends she says stuff like “I’d be happier if you didn’t go”. I asked for a sleepover today and she went all “how could you even say that”
She ends up apologising to me after a while, but then does this same thing when the next time comes around. So she probably apologises bc she feels guilty but she never fixes her behaviour. I don’t want to miss out on having fun because she’s paranoid. I have already missed out on YEARS bc of her and some other reasons, I am not doing this anymore.
How do I deal with this?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Move out. Find a place to rent with a friend or friends. Your mother is controlling and manipulative. This isn’t healthy and you need to get yourself out of that situation asap. Life is not like that. Healthy parents aren’t like that.
Why does she have your friends’ contact info?
Honestly, the only way you can get independence from someone like your mom is to actually BE independent—financially and emotionally. That would mean supporting yourself, moving out, and cutting her off. You can make the price of admission for her to be in your life that she manage her behavior.
It sounds like your mother may have some mental health issues. Nothing you can do about that but you can certainly tamp down the behavior when you can set and enforce boundaries after you’re no longer dependent on her financially.