My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) are both students in a 2-month long distance relationship after dating in-person for 6-months. I fly to her home country in 3 weeks, but until then we have a 9-hour time difference.
We both work jobs part-time and take online classes to prepare for the Fall. I recently failed one of my online classes after falling behind. I think her opinion of me changed after this (she passed the same class).
Today, she had a long day at work and got home late. I called her when I woke up in the morning @ 7:30. I had to get ready for work and also move out of my hotel before 11:00. I tend to be slow in the mornings, and so it took me 30 minutes to shower and get ready. During this time, we couldn’t hear each other well, and so I resorted to just nodding and not saying anything.
While I was getting ready, she hung up on me twice without warning (she usually expects me to call her back and resolve the issue). I called her back, told her I was sorry, but I couldn’t communicate through the shower noises. So, I resorted to blowing kisses and hand signals.
I promised to give her attention after, but I took a long time to shower (~20 minutes). Afterwards, she told me that my time had passed to talk to her, because she was too tired. Then she hung up on me without warning again.
When I called her back, I played the victim (according to her). I told her that I was sorry, that I should prioritize her, and that I was really busy.
She told me I was a hypocrite, because I spent so much time getting ready. She called me an “undeveloped AI that always has an excuse”, and that I’ve always been like this and it frustrates her. She also said that I always make her feel like the mean person.
She then said that she would only feel better if she could break up with me for one day. I just stood there and looked sad.
Eventually, she told me that she was going to sleep, and she still loved me. However, I can’t help but feel that she is right. Maybe I am a hypocrite. Maybe I am a dumbass. Half the time, I don’t even know what I did wrong, but I still apologize (I ask her, but she doesn’t like explaining).
TL;DR: Gf says that I am a hypocrite, dumbass, and I play the victim. She’s upset enough to break-up but won’t because she loves me. I feel like I need to self-reflect.
Comments
She wants to not cheat on you on that one day.
This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship and you’re only 19. I wouldn’t waste your time pursuing a relationship with someone who seems to dislike you and only stays with you because the alternative is being single.
You can’t steal a balloon on “Free Balloon Day”- SpongeBob
Kiddo, you’re being treated like shit.
There’s no such thing as a “one day breakup,” there is just a breakup or there isn’t.
Either she’s trying to manipulate you or wants a free pass to go cheat. Either way, it isn’t fair to you.
My two cents: end this relationship and go do some work on yourself. Therapy, for starters. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.
she’s planning to hook up with someone else 9/10. no reason to break up for one day
Good god she sounds awful.
A one day breakup would be if you two really broke up and after 24 hours, you both regretted it and got back together. You don’t plan that. Lots of couples regularly go 24 plus hours without talking to each other, that’s normal.
How are you playing the victim? She demanded your full attention when you had to get ready for work instead of, I don’t know, talking a more convenient time for both of you? And she has the gall to hurl insults? And she regularly hangs up? This sounds very emotionally manipulative on her part.
Maybe this nine hour time difference hasn’t been good, but this is way too much drama for an 8 month old relationship.
What is there to self reflect on? She’s an unreasonable manipulative asshole, that’s the problem here!
This sounds like a waste of your time and she’s ridiculous
She’s going to hook up with someone else. Why are you with her?? She’s awful.
All she does is tear you down. She’s a shitty partner. Good partners support you and compliment you. She’s expecting you to read her mind all the time when that is impossible. Do yourself a favor and make that break permanent.
In what way is being with someone who treats you like this making your life better?
In what way can you build a future for yourself that is positive, healthy, and fulfilling, if there’s a person in that future who treats you like this?
What would you tell a friend of yours to do, if he told you that his girlfriend was treating him like this?