Before getting into my situation, please no one just say “break up” and that’s it. I want to genuinely find a way to work through this instead of just giving up on everything.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for half a year now. When we first started dating, she initiated sex for the first two months. Ever since she went back to school in September of last year, I mostly had to initiate on the weekends she came back. One thing that I’m grateful for is that we have a decent amount of sex (about 2 times a week and that’s not counting weekdays) but only because I ask her.
It always hurt me, to the point where sometimes I purposely don’t ask her on days I see her after not seeing her for a whole week, and I always get nothing in return. Everytime, she is always okay with doing anything else but that. It got to another point where I became frustrated and told myself that she knows we should have sex, but just doesn’t initiate, and convinced myself that she might be playing games due to attention reasons. I just went into an unhealthy mental state about it, and as a result, me wanting her to initiate sex would be on my mind most of the time. I told her how I felt about it, and at first she said she would try harder. After that failed, I brought it up again and she just said it’s hard because she said it doesn’t cross her mind, she would usually need some kind of lead up basically all the time, and I’m just out of luck because she would only wanna initiate if she really wanted to (which she usually doesn’t).
Honestly, it’s nice to initiate for her and sometimes get sex in return, but I even expressed to her how I want to feel desired. Everytime I told her this, she always felt bad but never knew what to do for me. What hurt me a lot is that she said she could go weeks without sex. I really don’t understand how, and now I’m just beating myself up. I have insecurities now about if I’m doing something wrong, if I’m unattractive, and all this negative stuff.
Another thing that sometimes crosses my mind is that I feel like she had more sex with her ex like more than a couple years ago. One time I saw an old snapchat in her memories during her high school days (before I ever knew her) saying “I miss having sex multiple times everyday” with a few laughing emojis. This was probably after she broke up with her ex (since they were on and off) and honestly it kind of just lived rent free in my head (I know I probably was overthinking). I told her about it and she said that she was probably exaggerating about “multiple times a day” and it was probably just 1-2 times a day AND during the summer….but not even I get as much as that. Also at first it was a bit hard to believe because she said MULTIPLE and I don’t really count that as two…but I just took her word for it. Sometimes I just feel like I’m doing the wrong thing for her and I’m just comparing myself to her ex and it sucks.
At times, I try to keep a positive mindset because she is an RA at her college now and she really focuses on her plenty of schoolwork, getting all A’s in all of her classes. It could be from that, but even when she came home for spring and winter break, she still acted the same. I don’t really know, but what are your guys’ opinions? How should I cope with this issue or make things better?
Tl;dr: I want my girlfriend to initiate sex more, but she never does and I have to do all the work