I 20F have been dying my hair the same two colors since i was 14 (blonde and black) for the most part- people have never really noticed that it’s been dyed, just bleached (i have very very dark brown hair) I also have been getting haircuts regularly for as long as i can remember.
Due to everyday stress, school and work, i haven’t gotten a hair cut in over a year. My hair has grown longer but i’m used to it being short (i think it suits me better, and is easier to take care of) my boyfriend (21M) however thinks this is a bad idea. He either disagrees with me on the situation or is completely okay with it, he changes his mind every single time i bring up wanting to get it done (busy schedule and haven’t been able to schedule it yet)
Sometimes he offers to take me and pay for it – seemingly all for it, other times he tells me that my hair is pretty the way it is, and tells me no over and over again until i get heated and drop the subject. I don’t know if i should just do it.
Edit: I also just wanted to add- my hair is about to the middle of my back- i usually have it just an inch lower than my collarbone with layers- it’s not like i’m getting a pixie cut.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You are 20. Please live your life and enjoy your body. Too young for any of these rules
he doesn’t get to tell you what to do or how to wear your hair.
get your hair cut the way YOU want, and drop the controlling boyfriend
You don’t. You do what you want to YOUR hair.
It’s your hair. Really none of his business.
Umm…. you don’t…? He doesn’t get to dictate or control what you do with your hair. He can go suck a lemon. Make sure to tell him he’s being too emotional about hair. Hair changes and grows back.
Go and do your hair. Remember whose head it’s attached to, let that factor into your choice.
The hair is on your head. This makes it your decision on how you want it cut and what color you want it to be.
If he likes hair a certain way, he can grow his own that way. You wear yours the way you like it best.
He’s controlling and that’s a huge red flag.
Oh my god what I would give to be 20 and carefree again and you’re worried about what your boyfriend thinks of your hair?! 🫣😭🫣😭🫣🫣😭🫣
Don’t cut it if he waxes off every hair he has on his body, as you want him smooth as a baby seal.
Wtf are we talking about here. Youre 20. Get a haircut. Get a pixie cut and tell him to go peter pan himself.
“I am going to cut my hair because it’s getting unmanageable and I prefer it shorter”
He can express an opinion. He can break up if he wants to. He shouldn’t be surprised if you make up your own mind about your own hair, especially since he’s apparently all over the map with his opinion.
Don’t let a man make decisions about your body and how you look. Him saying he will pay is just because he wants to stay in control – he will shut you down and not pay for anything he doesn’t want.
He’s allowed to have his preferences but not allowed to dictate what you can and can’t do with your body—including hair.
Stop bringing it up and seeking input. Just make an appt and get your hair done.
Tell him to get a sex doll instead if he wants someone with a specific hair color and no free will.
You do what you want and he either respects that or leaves.
You don’t……? You do what you want and you don’t let another person tell you what to do. Weird behavior and weird you’re working around the larger issue
If you make decisions about your hair based on your boyfriend, you are telling him that he has control over your body.
Do whatever the hell you want with your head and if you lose the boyfriend, then you lost a problem.
you don’t need to “convince” him of anything. it’s your hair to do with as you please, when you please, how you please.
he needs to grow the fuck up if he’s being weird about it.
You don’t need his permission. Your body, your choice.
I’m not going to throw your bf under the bus here for this, although everybody’s right – he doesn’t get to control your hair, and you can change it if you want. It’s nice that he likes your natural hair and loves your real look. Hopefully he can get on board with whatever changes you experiment with for a while; maybe he will find that he loves it.
If he doesn’t love it, you need to understand that dramatic hair changes can really alter how a person looks, and if he finds he’s not as attracted to your new look (or even feels weird like you look like a stranger) then you might want to prepare for that. The same would apply to him if he changed his appearance similarly and you weren’t really into it.
Again, he can’t control what you do with your hair, but he may not be into the change if you do alter it dramatically. Hopefully you can make decisions with your eyes open about this. Good luck OP
So he’s trying to control you. It starts with little things and eventually grows to bigger things, what you wear, what friends you have if he lets you keep them, not seeing your family, etc. RUN!
It’s not his hair, so it’s not his call.
He obviously prefers you with it the way it is. Ultimately its up to you. Dont think hes trying to stop you. My ex use to often try change his hair, like grow it ,perm it, sometimes shaved at sides and small pony tail, gel it etc. I preferred a taper fade I thought he looked more attractive with it. Ask him if he finds you more attractive with it now. Then its up to you if you choose to go for what you prefer or what he prefers. Unfortunately its not always the same thing.
Repeat after me: “I wasn’t asking your permission.”
You don’t have to have permission from anyone else about what colour you die your hair. Its a decision for you to make.
My hair was middle of my back I cut it to my shoulders and shaved underneath this is my fiancés least favorite haircut but he helped me shave it for a year. When I let the shaved part grow out a bit I told him to shave the long part down to an inch so I could grow it out long. He doesn’t like pixie cuts either but I told him I missed my long hair and the hair I do have was damaged I needed a fresh start. Just cut and dye your hair how you like cause it’ll make you look and feel good. I’m used to short hair I’ve done it my whole life I met my fiance the first time I ever grew it out.
Darlin it’s YOUR hair – U should do what works for U. Never let anyone take control over your personal autonomy.
You are too young to waste time with a controlling idiot
Send the boyfriend back. This one is broken.
Not his hair not his problem. My husband learned a loooong time ago that I can do what I want with my hair, my clothes, my body etc. He seems immature. Let me guess, he hates body hair also??
You don’t have to talk him into anything. Do your hair the way you like and he will still like you or he will move on. Either way you’ll be fine.
Cut your hair, dye it, and cut this controlling idiot out of your life. You’re 20. You shouldn’t be with a guy who’s so controlling.
You leave him.
I just read the title…
tbh that was enough
Just go do what you want with your hair and stop asking his permission about it. Do it if he likes it he likes it if he doesn’t tough luck 🤷🏻♀️ it’s not that deep
You don’t. You just do it the way you want.
I had a significant other who controlled my hair. It got to the point where I was scared of telling her I was going in for a trim.
I’m genderqueer and wanted to explore that by cutting my hair. She told me I shouldn’t because I would be ugly. I’m only just now gaining the courage to cut it, five years later.
Leave him, do what you want with your body.
Hair grows back, colours fade, if you want to express yourself you can and if you have partner that stands in the way of that he’s not a partner.
Imagine if you start telling him what he can and can’t wear, how would he react. You’re free to be you.
You dont need his permission. Tell him that you dont need his permission.
Do it anyway.
My girlfriend doesn’t like it when I dye or cut my hair either. She always asks me not to. But I do it anyway and she doesn’t get mad about it because it’s my body.
Your hair your choice. Or just tell him you won’t cut your hair as long as he does not cut his. Fair is fair. Then in a couple if years you both can donate your long hair to a charity that makes wigs for sick kids. Everyone wins.
You’re wrong in thinking this is the only thing he’s controlling about. It’s just the first thing. There will be many, many more and have already probably been many other things that you haven’t seen as controlling because he gaslit or convinced you they were reasonable and for your wellbeing.
Do what you want with your hair. If your relationship ends because of it please remember you didn’t end your relationship by changing your hair – he did.
It’s your hair. You don’t need his permission.
You get your hair done exactly how you want it.
You will be doing him a favour because if he doesn’t learn at 21 years old that it’s not OK to dictate what his girlfriend does with her body then what hope is there for him in the future?
It’s your body, your hair, your choice, whether you want to cut a inch off or wanted a full neon green Mohawk the choice is entirely yours
You don’t need to ask for permission or convince someone about your body
You don’t convince him. You cut and color your hair any way you want. If he actually respected you he wouldn’t be telling you what you can and can’t do. You deserve better.
Convince him? Its your hair, do what you want. You dont need his permission to do anything.
Just do it. He doesn’t own you.
You break up with him. You’re 20. Life’s too short to be with insecure controlling fuck boys who play games.
You break the fuck up with him. Only answer.
You don’t. He’s allowed to have a preference of how he likes it best and you’re allowed to cut, style and color it how you want.
You don’t need his permission to do anything with your hair. If he’s upset with what you do with your body? Tough toenails. He’s controlling.
You don’t convince him. Tell him ahead of time you’re getting your hair done if you want, but do whatever you want with it. If he gets butthurt you need to break up. You aren’t 10 and he’s not your dad.
You don’t have to ask for permission or anything, it’s your hair your body. Do what you want with it. If he doesn’t like you anymore then that means he didn’t actually like you for you.
Unless he is paying for it right that moment, his input is not necessary. If he decides to part with you over something as superficial as your looks, that’s on him. It is your body and your choice. If he doesn’t like it, he can move on.
Why are you asking him if you can cut or dye your hair? Just go do it.
Why is this entire sub just ppl asking permission for things they not only shouldn’t be asking permission for, but shouldn’t even really be thinking about for more than like 10 minutes
Your boyfriend can give you his opinion. He cannot tell you what to do. Do what you want.
I’m married 15 years. My husband prefers my hair longer and loves when it’s red. I prefer it short and blue or purple. Guess how I wear my hair? That’s right, short when I have time for a cut, sometimes realllllly short, and I have a fabulous array of colors I mix together, including red! Get you someone who respects and desires you anyway.
Do you think you should get to dictate what he does with his hair? I’m assuming you don’t. It starts with something relatively innocuous and who knows where it ends. Your body, your choice.
“Hey, look at my cool new haircut and color! You like it? What? You don’t like it? I shouldn’t have? No, that doesn’t sound right. This isn’t fun anymore and I don’t feel loved. Goodbye.”