My boyfriend (20M) and I (20F) have been together for almost 1 year. We met two years ago when I lived in his country but I moved to the US at the start of this year. A couple of months ago, I started therapy because of jealousy/trust issues due to trauma from my past relationship (toxic, cheating ex), and I’ve honestly come a long way. For example, I used to be upset with him having girl friends, but now I understand that’s utterly toxic behavior. I used to get mad at him for going out to nightclubs with his friends but came to understand that he’s just having fun and living his young-adult life.
I know a long-distance relationship is all about trust; but here’s the thing: I trust him, but I still have an issue with not talking for 3 days. One of his friends is having their birthday in a mountain house this weekend where there’s barely any signal, and it isn’t even the fact that I don’t know most of the girls who are going- what bothers me is that he doesn’t think it’s okay for me to be upset (not at him directly, just in general) about us not talking or barely talking for the next 3 days.
I also know it isn’t a big deal, but from my perspective, we’re in a long-distance relationship and the only way of communicating is through the phone. I promised him that it isn’t a trust issue—I know he would never cheat, so that’s beside the point. The whole thing is about me not being okay with spending 3 days without communication.
I just need some advice on how to cope with this. I also know I’m feeling this way because I have an anxious attachment style and have some sort of dependency on texting him throughout the day/calling before going to bed, so not doing that kind of causes me anxiety. Does anyone know what I can do about these feelings?
TL;DR: My bf and I have been together for almost a year. I’ve worked on jealousy/trust issues in therapy and trust him completely, but I’m anxious about not talking for 3 days while he’s at a remote birthday trip with limited signal. It’s not about trust or who’s there, I just struggle with going days without communication because of my anxious attachment style. Looking for advice on coping with these feelings.
Comments
You need to learn to cope with this. You are way too attached and it’s not healthy. See a therapist if you need to. Having days apart with no interaction is normal in a healthy relationship. It gives you things to talk about when you see each other again. Please try to become more independent.