I’m going to shorten this as best as I can. I wanna start by saying ive been really depressed and out of it for the last month, i have a long history of mental illness. During my birthday party my boyfriend said some really hurtful things and went off on me. I left early and went home to calm down. While I was home he broke up with me. Unfortunately when I hit a low or I go through a bad patch of depression I become very impulsive and the smallest things can completely tip me over the edge. I’m aware that I have this issue and I’m not justifying it. I attempted to kill myself. I injured myself very badly. My boyfriend comes home to pack his things after this and sees blood everywhere and the injury on my arm. I of course looked batsh*t crazy with blood all over me sobbing and he took his phone out and recorded me. The video is as dehumanizing and disturbing as you’re imagining. He then told me his friends were waiting in the car for him, woke up my brother, and left. I had to go to the emergency room and get stitches. I spent almost an entire day in the hospital and when I got back I find out that all of his friends are spreading lies about me and saying I’m an attention seeker. Not only that, but they’re all talking about this video of me. My boyfriend is agreeing and talking to his friends about all of this. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do and I honestly wanna pack up my things and go spend some time out of state with my mother. I feel gaslit and like maybe I’m a weird person for this. I’ll be starting outpatient therapy this week so I hope that can clear my mind. Any advice or opinion is appreciated.
My (20m) boyfriend recorded me (18f) after a suicide attempt and showed his friends
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What your ex did (let’s stop calling him your bf because he definitely doesn’t have your best interests in mind) was beyond unacceptable. It was cruel, manipulative, and heartless and shows he has little concern for your wellbeing.
Other than that, it seems like you know what you need. Get some help and don’t give up. Be with the people that make you feel good. Forget the people that try to use your depression against you. I know it sucks and it’s hard as all hell, but it’s way better than the alternative and, trust me, things can and will get better as long as you don’t give up on yourself.
well first of all this should make him your ex boyfriend as of the second he decided to record it. I dont know why you still even think of him as a boyfriend. Yes you need to move out, go back to spend time with your mom and focus on your mental health. If you have a history of mental health issues and he has a history of being verbally abusive and gaslighting you ………………. this is the worst possible fit.
He isn’t your boyfriend, he isn’t even a friend. Both of those lift you up in your weakest moments. Take care of you and bring you solace & peace. Follow your heart. Maybe your first thought of packing your stuff & spending time with family is the best option. Find a therapist and develop a real support system that can help you when you hit your lows before you do anything rash. My heart goes out to you. As a person that struggles with PTSD & depression life is definitely not easy. But through therapy I have grown and life is definitely more stable. I wish you the best of luck on your path. Sending you love, light, faith & peace. It will get better.
>Unfortunately when I hit a low or I go through a bad patch of depression I become very impulsive and the smallest things can completely tip me over the edge
You need a therapist, not another boyfriend. You’ll never have a successful relationship without first addressing your own problems and realizing your own self-worth.
Unfortunately, none of those people are your friends. It’s a hard lesson to learn.
>I’ll be starting outpatient therapy
Good. That’s a solid step in the right direction.
Girl I don’t think you should prioritize a relationship now, especially one with an asshole. You’re clearly not okay. Please do go to therapy! And don’t get back to that guy. Any change you experienced childhood trauma?
Dump him
He’s a piece of shit not a boyfriend. Get out and go to your mom. Do this yesterday.
I hope you’re doing OK during your recovery, hope you’re not in minimal physical pain and I really hope you heal fast girl. 🙁
Depression is real and it’s a killer on top of a drag on our lives and you’re absolutely not crazy.
I think you’re doing the right thing with therapy. I think that’s a great step as well as intentionally surrounding yourself with supportive people and keeping yourself away from unsupportive people as much as you can.
And importantly, for what he did, your ex is a horrible jerk. A smarmy, shitty, dirty, bully. An arrogant, contemptuous fuckhead. And a complete idiot. Room temperature IQ. I’m sorry he’s putting you through all that, that’s horrible and unfair and you don’t deserve this. Please live your best life to spite him. Good luck and you got this!
Is he really your boyfriend? He sounds like a toxic person, bully, but not a boyfriend
No psych hold?
So he comes home, records you, but somehow you’re the attention seeker? He’s the pig who recorded your pain for attention. That’s sick. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I truly hope you get the help you need.
You mean ex boyfriend, right? Focus on you. Tell him to delete the video and anywhere he has posted it. Inform him you will send a legal case and desist if need be.
He is a horrible creature, not human, and you deserve so much better. I’ve been there, I’ve now worked through that and don’t deal with SH or suicidal ideation. You can get out. But the only way out is through.
Therapy, block anyone who mentions the video, no social media for you. Anyone who is real and watched that video is going to see what a horrible thing he did to you. For me, a combination of traditional talk therapy, proper medication, healthier lifestyle, EDMR, and also micro dosing/ketamine therapy, has improved my life immensely.
Feeling better is possible.