Last night, at around 11 pm, me (20M) and my girlfriend (20F) were looking through some vacantion photos on my phone. She then wanted to show me some of her own vacantion photos and we went on her phone.
At one point, I noticed a number with no name/ID texted her on WhatsApp at around 7 pm saying “Hey, I’ve been thinking of you, how are you?”. I asked her who that was and she said “That guy from England”.
I know who she’s talking about, it’s a friend of hers that I met a year ago (because me and her were friends for a long time before getting togheter in October). Apparently they had something going on at one point, in her own words “they were messing around” and didn’t quite have sex.
I told her it’s wrong for her to keep this kind of thing a secret, especially given the nature of the message, and asked her if she’ll answer or not. She said she dosn’t think there’s any intentions behind the message and said “I’m still thinking if I’ll answer or not, probably will” which pissed me off.
Her argument is that they ended things on a positive note and sees no issue in answering. What pissed me off more is the fact that she saw nothing wrong with a text saying “I’ve been thinking of you” from a guy she used to “mess around with”.
How do I handle this?
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You could ask her what her feelings would be if you got the same kind of text.
Honestly, it’s disrespectful of you to have her be keeping this a secret, and to be considering a reply while she’s in a relationship.
If she can’t understand that. Well…20 is still young enough to explore new people my dude.
I don’t understand the “keeping a secret” part of your concern. It seems from your description like she was very open, honest, and wasn’t trying to hide anything. She even said she was considering replying, which is a thought she could keep to herself until she had made a decision. Maybe clarify that a little, because this seems like green flag territory to me.
Honest answer, she is more attracted to the other guy than you.
You can only control you, not anyone else.
Personally, at your age, this isnt worth the future issues that its going to present. I would remove myself from the situation entirely.
If she respected you and the relationship, she would have replied back to him with clear boundaries, or she would have blocked him, not keep his number blank on her phone?
Girl is giving major red flags.
I think it depends.
I have a couple of friends who used to sleep with someone who is now purely a friend. They still talk, hang out, visit each other. There is nothing romantic felt by anyone. If she’s friends with this guy, it could purely be a friendly dialogue. I might say “I was thinking about you” to someone I haven’t spoken to in ages, doesn’t mean I want nudes.
I think she can reply and keep things friendly, but absolutely should not entertain any vibe from him that could be romantic. That would make her an asshole.
In the end, you trust her or you don’t. If you feel insecure because she speaks to men from the past, that’s something the two of you should discuss so she can either put you at ease or consider other options.
As long as her answer involves something along the lines of “I’ve been great, I have a bf now.” If she hides the fact that she’s in a relationship that tells you everything you need to know.
If she doesn’t know what he means when he says he’s been thinking of her, she is naïve as hell.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
Talk openly with your girlfriend about how this ex’s text makes you feel, and make it clear that if she chooses to reply, it needs to be with honesty and transparency regarding her intentions and their impact on your relationship.
She’s stupid.
Why answer it?
She should have a good logical reason— additionally if you don’t like it put your foot down about it and say it’s weird and stupid she’d even consider.
The fact that she’s lying about his intentions, shows that she’s not being honest about hers. No woman is genuinely naive enough to believe an ex is messaging for any reason other than to smash.
Your girl is either
A) attracted to this dude
B) dumb enough to think this dude has no other intentions
Your GF doesn’t take your relationship seriously enough to make it worth the hassle. Unless you want to nuke your self-confidence, i’d consider leaving her because it ain’t the last time she’ll entertain other men.
Maybe she’s just curious, but she should know that this dude is contacting her for a very obvious reason.
“I’m still thinking if I’ll answer or not, probably will”
..and that alone is proof that she’s not taking you or the relationship as seriously as she should be. She wants to see if there’s still something there and is probably loving the attention of another man too. She’s only 20 so of course she has no idea what she wants even if she won’t admit it. Total disrespect to you bro.