My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. At the beginning of our relationship she moved in early due to problems with her roommates. After moving in she rarely helped with house work. At the beginning this was excused due to her working more. However, when the roles swapped and I started working more than her, her workload around the house didn’t change. Now she works around 18 hours a week plus university and I work 28 hours a week plus university. She might help out around the house 1 day of the week but she doesn’t cook so if I don’t feel like cooking, we waste money on takeout. She doesn’t do the dishes because the water is yucky and doesn’t take the bin out because it smells. She only does the washing when she runs out of clothes but I run out of clothes before her so I am constantly doing it. She leaves her clothes out on the floor as well as her makeup. She has a car but doesn’t drive so if she wants to go somewhere I end up getting dragged along and because she doesn’t drive I am the one constantly doing the shopping. Around once every two weeks she makes a comment about feeling bad about how she isn’t helping out around the house and she will start helping but she never does. On top of this, when we moved house, I packed up 90% of the house. Moved it all except for the large items which I needed help to carry. I unpacked 90% of it. We needed to get a new lounge so I was tasked with it because no one responds to her on market place and when I hadn’t she would constantly get upset at me but not do anything about it herself. When we have to contact the real estate it is my job to do so because my name is first on the lease but at the previous property where her name was first, it was still my job.
One her closest friends was her ex-boyfriend who told me before we got together that he was still in love with her and would do what ever it took to get her back. When i talked to her about him she said he was just a friend and didn’t want to cut him off even after he admitted he still had feelings for her whilst we were dating. After about six months of being together and me making my wishes about him know, she finally stopped talking to him. Since moving from our home town she has not made an effort to meet up with friends who live near us as well as the new friends she has made since moving here, whilst saying how she has no friends here and is lonely sitting at home all day. Her out of town friends that come to visit us are constantly making jokes at the expense of me and my family and I have made it know that i don’t want to be around these people but she wants me to come to her friends events because they are her friends and they need to like me. On top of these friends, her family is also making jokes at the expense of me but according to her its just how the show there love. Recently we have been making visits to she her family and due to the distance, I have put in time off for a day each week because I have to drive. So ill drive her the 3 hours each way for a day trip, or drop her off and let her spend the night and then after an 8 hour shift drive the 3 hours each way to pick her up.
A ongoing issue in out relationship has been our intimacy. At the beginning we would be intimate once a day or more but as time went on I gradually pulled back, initially it was because I couldn’t keep up. When she told be this, she said i should go on testosterone or get a pill. Now we are intimate 1-2 times a week because I am very conscious about the fact that I’m not ready to be a father and she would keep the child if she got pregnant. I would be comfortable with eliminating sex but she isn’t so I cut back. I have told her my reasoning and she is always saying she is on birth control and she needs more. Due to this she has been very pushy about this topic and is guilting me into it by saying i am not fulfilling her needs so we are having intimacy even when I don’t want it.
This week, she got very upset that I didn’t put in the time off to see my mother for her birthday. My mother lives 3 hours away in the town that we both grew up in. We haven’t been back in a few months so my GF hasn’t been able to meet up with her friends and family that live there. She yelled at me because I didn’t put this time off and went on to say that my mother is going to get mad at her because they talk more than I talk to my mother. It has to be noted that I don’t particular like my mother as she tried to paint my father as the bad guy after their divorce and has cause my sister and father not to be on speaking turns. My father on the other hand has never said anything bad about my mother and even stops us from saying anything bad about her. She knows this but is still trying to force me to have a relationship with my mother but my girlfriend doesn’t have a relationship with her mother.
After this argument is sat down and just realized everything I am putting up with and am just sick and tired of it all. It feels like she is just manipulating me for her benefit. I have thought about ending the relationship before but I am stuck in a lease with her that I cannot cover on my own. There is a second bedroom so if we break up I could move into the spare room for the remainder of the lease. I just don’t know what to do. Am i overreacting? What should I do?
TL;DR My girlfriend just got mad at me for not putting in time off to see my mother. It might be my last straw. What should I do?
Comments
This is just a really long story about how you’re a complete doormat or terrified to be alone.
This has got to be chatGBP creating the worst girlfriend there is literally not a single redeeming quality mentioned here and I feel like almost every relationship element was covered
Omg please break up. This sounds absolutely miserable and exhausting. Literally read back what you just wrote out so you can see it clearly.
This has been a one-sided crapfest since the beginning. I have no idea how you’ve lasted two years.
Get ahold of your landlord and discuss options for breaking your lease early or for leaving her high and dry with the lease, but you yourself being able to get out of it. Who gives a shit if it screws her over. She’s an entitled brat who’s using you, so screw being the nice guy. Grow a spine, and please start valuing yourself more than you currently are.
Look for places you can afford yourself while simultaneously speaking with your landlord. But for the love of everything, do this discreetly and SECRETLY. DO NOT let your gf know you’re doing this.
Dude, ultimately, it’s your life and your choice, but if we were friends in real life, I would be shaking you at this point being like please respect yourself enough to leave. She’s obviously providing you with nothing at this point except depression.
Seriously, make a secret plan and get out. And don’t worry about her or how it will affect her. Take care of yourself!! Best of luck.