My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple months now. We’ve known each other for around 5 years but he was always in a relationship or I was always in a relationship. We finally got together in January. His ex (23/f) will not leave his or his family’s life and it’s been driving me crazy.
They dated for 3 1/2 to 4 years, sometimes he says 5 idk. He still has love letters and cards she’s written him, they were on a shelf right in front of my side of his bed where I sleep, it took months of asking for him to finally get rid of them. (Don’t know if he actually got rid of them or not). He still has pictures of them up on social media, I’ve asked so many times for him to remove them and he hasn’t. She has a whole Pinterest board dedicated to me and my boyfriend with quotes like “replace me with someone easier”. There are a ton in there about how she wishes they were still together and some bashing me for dating him. (They’ve been broken up for almost two years I think)
He recently told me that his dad just did her taxes for her this year and his mom and her still text. What brought me to writing this post is that this morning his mom had followed me on TikTok, I went and stalked her TikTok because why wouldn’t I stalk my boyfriends moms TikTok and found that she had followed his ex right before she had followed me. She thought “oh, let me go follow my son’s ex. Shit, I should probably follow his current girlfriend too.” I just don’t understand following her after they’ve been broken up for two years?? They still have paintings that his ex made them up in the house. Oh not to mention my ex has a bunch of her stuff up too. He recently got a new desk and put something that she had made him on there. What the fuck?
In the beginning of our relationship he told me he was still talking to his ex. I told him that it makes me uncomfortable and he said he would stop talking to her once we started “officially dating”. Just the thought of us going on a cute date or sleeping together and then he goes into another room to snap his ex made me actually sick. (We had like a 6 month talking stage so I put up with this for a WHILE) One day during a drunk argument I brought it up and he said that he had blocked her on everything weeks ago. A few weeks later we got into a drunken argument again and he told me he had lied previously and that she actually blocked him on everything. A few months go by and I come to find that she literally only blocked him on Snapchat. I don’t know if they still talk, I don’t believe in going through a boyfriend’s phone. He still has her on everything else. Boyfriends having their exs on social media has never really bothered me but it’s just who the person is that’s really getting to me.
I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t know if I want to continue this relationship because it’s driving me crazy. I feel like he’s disrespected me in the past and is still disrespecting me now. Please correct me if I’m wrong. This whole family is so caught up on her I don’t know if I can handle it. I’ve been in two long term relationships before this and have never had any problems like this. I want to talk to him about it when he wakes up but I fear I’m just going to be shot down like I have every other time.
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He’s clearly not over his ex, or he wants a better relationship with her than you would be comfortable with. You deserve someone who loves you fully. Break up
This will always be a game of wack a mole. Even if he deletes the social media pictures, he’s gonna go to show you something on his phone and an old photo will pop up from his library, his mom may call you her name at dinner, you’ll find another love letter in a drawer. I dated someone fresh out of a 5 year relationship and it was a constant comparison between us. My amazing boyfriend now barely talks about his exes, I haven’t seen any evidence he once lived with another woman in the year we’ve been together. Some people are weirdly close with their exes but that just ain’t for me, and I expect the same in my partner.