I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (19M) for a while, and we’re both still in university. We love each other a lot, and I genuinely want to stand by him while he works on himself and his career.
Recently, we had a serious conversation about our future, and he told me he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready for marriage. He said it could be as short as 2 years, but it might also be 5, 9, or even 10 years — depending on how long it takes for him to “build himself” and feel ready. He did say he would work harder to make it happen sooner, but there’s no guarantee.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do I balance loving someone and supporting their goals with making sure my own life plans aren’t completely on hold? Should I set a firm timeline or just trust that he’ll be ready sooner?
TL;DR: I’m 21F, my boyfriend is 19M. He says marriage could be in 2 years… or as long as 9–10 years, depending on how long it takes for him to “build himself.” I love him but I’m unsure if I should set a timeline or just wait and trust him.
Comments
Is this about sex or marriage?
Either way, sometimes people are just not compatible, regardless of how much they love each other.
Is the lack of marriage a dealbreaker for you?
How much time are you prepared to waste if he never decides to be ready?
Why would you want to get married at such an early age?
Wait at least 5 years, it’s not the 1900s anymore.
What is your timeline? How soon do you plan to be ready for marriage? Also, to be honest with you, expecting a 19 year old guy to promise you marriage and give you a definite timeline is a bit much. He’s way too young and obviously he has a lot of work to do before he’s at that stage. Plus he’s barely out of his teens; he has a lot of growing up, maturing and realistically, changing to do before he’s in the headspeace for that sort of commitment.
He’s only 19! And you’re only 21! You don’t really know what you want until around 25 years old. I married at 19 and left at 23, because I was a totally different person, I’d matured and realised we weren’t compatible and I didn’t love him anymore. You both have maturing to do , just enjoy being a gf . Let the rest naturally evolve, for now enjoy life, work out what you want to do with your life , work hard and have fun.
He’s 19. Waiting 9-10 years for marriage isn’t a bad thing
You are both so young – I wasn’t even thinking about marriage at your age. Is there a reason you want to marry earlier? It’s not like he is saying it will never happen, just that he wants to be ready for it.
Oh dear, let me tell you something. In life, there is no way you can “make sure that your life goes as planned”. Period.
Talk to older people, and ask them about their life. You’ll understand that no matter what you do, the Universe will play with your life, and things will take a turn you would never expect.
The answer to your question is simple : while he’s building himself, do build yourself too. Build your self confidence, take control of your fears, and amongst them the one you face right now : not having your life following the plans.
Not wanting to get married or even having a timeline to at 19 is wise. Take the time to get to know each other and who even you are as a person. These early adult years are about growing and learning and you aren’t even really going to be the same person in 10 years.
This sounds fairly normal. I wasn’t sure when I’d be ready for marriage to my current partner when I was 19 years old, with the same reasoning of “finding myself” and not being ready to start married life early. If you know that it’ll be you two forever – what’s the rush? You’ll be able to build your family, it might just take a bit longer than you wish for.
He’s 19. You’re lucky he even acknowledged a desire to get married at any point in the future. It would be crazy and delusional if he had given you a “firm” timeline for it.
How long have you guys been together?