So me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year, we live together and we’re really happy. We met at Uni where I’m a year into my Nursing degree, but over the summer money is going to be a bit tight so I’ve been applying for jobs.
I’ve worked in care homes and assisted living before as a HCA so that’s what I’ve generally been applying for but I saw a job listing in sexual health services and I think I would really love to do something like that, so I applied today and told my boyfriend over text how much I wanted it.
His reply was “what would you do? Would you be looking at dicks?” I thought he was joking at first because we do joke around a lot and tease each other, so I replied “yeah probably” and he was like “you’re not doing that, why the fuck would you want that?”. Again because of the type of humour we have and because this is over text I still cant tell if he’s joking so I ask him if he’s being serious, and told him I would (and have done) see way more male genitalia if I chose a job in a care home etc. He was like “yeah, old dicks. It’s weird and really strange you want this job so much”.
I told him it’s not weird at all and seeing people’s genitalia would make up a small portion of the job, I explained the other responsibilities I would have like support with contraception, pregnancy, and support and advice for people after domestic abuse or sexual assault (both of which I’ve been through and mean a lot to me, and he knows this). After this he was just like “okay, doesn’t matter then”. And now I’m not answering his texts.
I just find it so weird and off-putting that he’d be mad over this. He knows I’m doing a degree in Nursing and this is what I want to do career-wise, and with that obviously comes personal care, seeing and touching client’s genitalia. There is NOTHING sexual or weird about it. I don’t know what he expects and it’s really upset me tbh that I was really hoping to get this job and sharing my excitement with him and he just put me down and tried to make me feel bad about it.
I really love him and see a future with him but this is such a red flag, I don’t even know what to think. Nurses especially already get so sexualised and the fact he has sexualised this is really weird, but I genuinely didn’t think he would be the type of guy to do this. He is so sweet and understanding usually and he knows I hate people who do stuff like this, so this really just took me by surprise. I am NOT going to let anyone tell me what to do with my career especially when it’s something I’ve wanted to do for as long as I can remember, so I will be taking the job either way if it’s offered to me. But I don’t really know if this is break-up worthy or just something that needs a serious talk? Where do I go from here?
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Pursue the career, no hesitations. If he can get on board, great! If he continues shaming you, saying it’s a problem, saying weird jealous shit about your healthcare profession, leave him in the dust.
You’re right to see this as a red flag. A good partner would be thrilled that you’re entering into a field that keeps people safe and well. That he is jealous over this is incredibly immature.
Have the serious talk, but if he’s this disturbed by it, it’s unlikely the talk is going to change the outcome here
Career before boyfriends especially at your age. Thank me later sister.
I’m sorry girl… I think it’s time to pursue your career and leave this man. Unless yall can sit down and talk and he actually listens
Does he also get mad/jealous if you have a male gynecologist? 🙄 He’s the weird one, sexualizing health care.
You’re doing a degree in Nursing. I don’t think he fully comprehends what that entails.
Sounds like good work experience to tag onto the resume. Your career is something you will have for life, develop it in whatever way you want. Boyfriends come and go. Your career is permanent.
Take the job if you get an offer. Expect his support and to celebrate the achievement with you. Anything less, dump him.
In fact, it already sounds dump worthy. You work in health care, you’re going to see a vagina and or dick on occasion. If he can’t handle that, he’s far too insecure and needs to grow up.
Girl I am a physiotherapist and my ex was the same we split up she said oh you’re going to be touching other people and massaging them I got horny when one touched me.
I also see patients penis’s and vaginas when I assist the HCA’s and nursing staff and I don’t ever think omg I fancy them they are my patients and I am committed to my partner.
HUGE RED FLAG
I still did my degree in physio and that ex isn’t in my life she was a 25 year old female very immature
This is your ship, he can either jump out of the boat or navigate with you
Yeah, you’re gonna get a lot “dump him”, but before you do that, maybe try to talk with him first and confront him with the reality of it. He’s young, therefore stupid and horny, so give him a chance to clear his mind, replace pornlike images with real thing and rehabilitate.
I’m not working in that field, but I’m pretty sure that I’ve heard countless stories told by male gynecologists who debunk these fantasies – most of their female patients are NOT like what wankers see in another Brazzers porn – there’s no stream of young, hot and horny 21-year-olds, who want to jump on a dick. It’s mostly middle aged women, often not “traditionally hot” (let’s use this euphemism) and often with not so great looking conditions. And even the younger patients, when the do visit, don’t look for anything more than exiting as fast as possible. I’m pretty sure younger guys showing you their limp noodles won’t be thinking about anything else than shame, too.
I think your BF watched too much porn and has some ridicolous vision of how this works. Not to mention – you already said it, even if you didn’t want to pursue this branch, but instead went into “normal” nursing, you’d still have to see and touch stuff.
So, talk first, make things real for him, but if he’s still stubborn and angry – then yeah, dump him.
These are the moments where you start to understand that maybe you were once quite compatible as a couple, but now you are too different to continue on. That is too big of a flag to ignore, I think you are about to learn how immature your boyfriend really is. Don’t plan many future years with someone who doesn’t enthusiastically respect your courage and desire to help folks in your chosen field. Nursing is hard work, often under appreciated, and so very necessary; if you have a partner that is anything but proud of you, then you need to find someone else. You deserve more.
Is your boyfriend actually 20, or is he really 6?
Tell him to grow the f*cl up
That’s grade school bs
A year is not a very long time and people’s real personalities start coming out. They can’t hide their red flags forever.
Also, nurses get sexualized?? I had no idea!
Your bf is still in that immature phase where all nudity is sexual, so he is unfortunately focusing on that instead of literally anything else you said. Pursue the job. He can either grow up and accept that you feel passionate about this job because of your unique perspective of it, or he can get the hell out of your way.
I wouldn’t say this is break up worthy. Only if he gets jealous, abusive, etc. Then break up. This is a small rift is all. He doesn’t understand the job and it came off as a shock to him. I’ll admit when I read “I saw a job listing as Sexual Health services and I think I would really love to do something like that, so I applied today and told my boyfriend over txt how much I wanted it” I was a bit confused as well. Even to me it came off as off putting how much you wanted the job and I was a little concerned what the job entailed lol but after you explained that it’s because you wanted to help with SA victims etc and you have a background there I understood and got it.
When he said “Okay doesn’t matter then” he was referring to that he understood His opinion doesn’t matter not that your opinion doesn’t matter. I think he simply recognizes that there’s nothing he can say and that you don’t really want to talk about it you just want to go and do it and he feels as though he’s on the back burner which could turn into more issues with trust etc but if you want to have a future with him you need to understand you guys need to work together and not alienate or demonize each other.
TLDR; I see where he’s coming from but to fix the problem you should sit down with him and hear him out and then explain what the Job actually is because I almost guarantee he has no idea what your talking about other than you look at dicks and it’s related to sexual somehow and you reallyyyyy want the job without his input which is why he’s a bit apprehensive.
You’re young and he’s immature. You should sit down with him and talk about sexual health and how it’s very important for people overall health.
I’m not sure why you deleted your old post about your boyfriend still watching porn, but I thought it was something worth mentioning to the rest of us…
Anyway, I just wanted to say, a relationship should be nurturing. Two people supporting and respecting each other. I feel like you two might be missing that foundation a bit. I really suggest having a serious, in-person (no texting allowed) talk about your future plans. And if your career is something you truly value, then set that as a clear boundary.
If he can’t respect that, then maybe this relationship isn’t right.
He deserves someone who won’t make him feel insecure, and YOU as equally deserve someone who supports your goals and dreams. Period! No settling down.
Tell him he can’t watch porn if you can’t have this job (not even closely comparable in my world, gooning to pictures on the internet/vs helping people in need who have the courage to seek medical assistance, but…). I imagine he’ll shut right the hell up!
He probay don’t wash his penis.
You seem way too intelligent to stay with someone who behaves this way, so j would say that the boyfriend (based on his attitude) is likely temporary. The career is not.
This is up to you and I get why you would ask the question but really, what is more important. If the job is more important than the relationship take the job and risk splitting. If the relationship is worth more, don’t do it. The same applies to him. If your relationship is worth it to him, he wont go anywhere. If he feels that strongly about it, he can move on.
Sounds like you ou guys have been together for a long time but this is one of those curveballs we always talk about.
Is he really so naive as to think a nurse would never see a vulva or a penis depending upon duties and the nurse’s gender? That all male patients have to wait until a male nurse is available to see to their health care needs?
Granted in sensitive care areas like genital exposure sometimes same sex may be absolutely necessary or highly preferred (religion, sensitivity post sexual assault, patient preference, cultural norms), but what does he think about male gynecologists delivering babies or doing pelvic exams on women? That it is okay for a man to look and touch a woman’s genitals but not vice versa? That he is somehow protecting you from “knowledge” and preserving your innocence?
Do what you want to do in your area of employment and leave him behind if this behavior continues. The need to control to this degree is not good for a relationship.
Him sexualizing healthcare is so nasty.
sexual health medicine sounds really cool. hope you get the job!
As a 21-year-old woman, you shouldn’t sacrifice your career goals or self-fulfillment for a 1-year relationship. Period. End of discussion.
But if you’re really struggling to understand his position, think of it like this:
Am I glad proctology is a sub-specialty in medical care? Yes!
Do I want to be a proctologist? No!
If my partner was studying general medicine until, out of the blue, said they were wanting to specialize in proctology, would I be excited and happy about that choice? No!
Likewise, if your sister was dating a guy studying general medicine and, out of the blue, he said he was wanting to specialize in gynocology, would her reaction be: “yay! I was hoping you’d pick a specialty where you’d come home every night after a long day of hard work, climb into bed with me, and my vagina would be the 25th vagina you saw that day”?
Most nurses see a new pair of balls every day. That’s just the nature of the job. Can you even call yourself a nurse unless you’ve seen less than 100 set of jewels?
He needs to come to terms with your job.
I stopped reading after the “would you be looking at dicks?” question.
You deserve better.
I’m not even a nurse and I work in a hospital and I’ve seen more dick and balls than I have anything else. It’s just part of the job and even my s/o knows this. He’s just immature baby.
Really, you see a future with someone that ignorant and disrespectful of your chosen field? Already living together so young and only been together about a year says you let your heart lead you here instead of your mind. Prioritize your own future; it’s very unlikely this relationship will stand the test of time and trouble. I wish young women were encouraged to center themselves more, rather then try to settle down with their first bf.
He ain’t the one if he’s making fun of your chosen profession. He needs to grow up.
Truthfully the patients should be the least of his worries. Now all the doctors and co-workers that is going to be his real problem.
Ew girl… a person who sexualizes healthcare is so incredibly repulsive…
My boyfriend, who’s a doctor, always comes to my doctor’s appointments because I like to have someone there for me.
And when we were choosing my gyno, we happened to choose a man because he was simply the best.
Do you think he even once thought it was sexual to have a gyno do an echo or a pap test? Hell nah because he’s not an immature little thing
Don’t let weak men hold back your powerful future.
anyone who works in health care has some degree of exposure to genitalia, more or less depending on specialty, and anyone who doesn’t understand that this is approached purely clinically and would accuse you of this kind of thing is not worth your time. there are many other people out there who are not so immature and possessive and i hope you find one of them
My ex had to watch people pee in cups and look at dicks all the time lol.
Not a big deal at all, it’s part of being a nurse..
I’d rather look at a million STD- riddled penises than stay with one who acts like your bf. And I actually have seen a lot of pensies, having worked in healthcare and medicine most of my adult career.
Take the job, dump his ass now before this gets worse. Best wishes!
Would you want him to look at pussys all day? You’re fucking weird tbh
Wow is he a walking red flag. Keep the career. I hope you get the new job – sounds like a worthwhile cause you are passionate about. Dump the idiot. Your life will be more fulfilled without someone like him holding you back over stupid reasons.
He’s not mature enough to be in an adult romantic relationship.