We are a long distance couple in different universities, he studies medicine, I study physics. This situation has been ongoing since February.
We both have exams in May so we revise all day, 7 days a week. All I ask for is time to talk at the end of the day before bed, but due to him studying until around midnight every day, he doesn’t have time to talk because he needs to sleep so he can “wake up early feeling fresh” and start revising again. He also spends up to 2 hours in the gym each day.
I don’t want him to stop studying or going to the gym. However, when I’m upset that he’s going to bed and we haven’t talked properly for days I say “Why do you prioritise going to the gym over talking to me?” And he says the gym is necessary for his physical and mental health. And I say “Isn’t talking to me good for your mental health?” And he says it’s nothing to do with his feelings for me.
I understand he needs this for his health and studies all day for his exams, but he won’t rearrange his day to fit in a single conversation, leaving me feeling unimportant.
Any ideas on how to fix this situation, what to say?
TL;DR
Boyfriend prioritises studying and going to the gym over talking to me. When I try to talk to him, it turns into an argument – he thinks I don’t understand his need to go to the gym for mental health.
Comments
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YOU can’t fix this because YOU aren’t the one causing the issue. HE has to want to talk to you more often, and he doesn’t.
You have said how you feel. He understands. Your feelings are not enough of a priority to him to change. With long distance, both people need to be willing to put effort into communication or it doesn’t work.
Before exam revision started, how was the communication? Was he prioritizing you then or has it always been a struggle?
Express your feelings calmly, suggest a small dedicated time to talk, and seek compromise.
School is such a stressful time and much focused is needed. However if you love someone but don’t want to make time for them — this imo isn’t love. Maybe time to not think about him anymore. I’m sorry. But if one day he wants to be married this is not how you show love.