Hi, I won’t waste your time with all the details and try to keep this short. I’m muslim girl from CT. Just graduated college two months ago with two degrees. I have been dating my american boyfriend for 4 years. I am a muslim girl. I first told my parents about the relationship over 6 months ago, and that hated it. they told me to break up w him immediately. then i brought it up again 5 months ago. same bad reaction. then I had him come pick me up from my house to drive me back to school, he met my mom. she hid in the basement for 5 minutes before she came up to hi. then he sat with my parents and 3 siblings at college graduation. it went ok, siblings talked to him and parents didn’t really.
(siblings have known the whole time) now, my boyfriend and I want to move in together to colorado. He is in grad school, and I got a job in a research lab.
I just told my parents a couple days ago. they are pissed. just saying no ur not going to ur shaming us. ur betraying the family. u don’t love us. you’re ruining us. my mom has been sobbing. also this comes with years of manipulation and ab*use. saying no we’ll never accept unless it’s an albanian muslim. you’re a bad daughter. ur supposed to do what we say. also blaming physical health issues on me. they think it’s too soon, that im too young. they’ve been sexist and racist my whole life.
older siblings sided with me at first, but after hiding in their rooms listening in, they are now under the same mindset.
i want to go. this is my chance to finally live the life i want on my terms, surrounded by people who love me unconditionally. and don’t hold me to unrealistic standards.
what do you guys think? should i go? advice?
TL;DR muslim (21F) dating white (21M) for 4 years, parents don’t approve. want to move out and live with him. parents say over my dead body.
Comments
You need to decide what you want from Life. To follow every guideline and goal according to your parents instruction and request. Or to take your own path. Your parents do not want you to follow your own path. So you have to decide if you are willing to stop having a relationship with everyone in your family to live your life.
There have been so many posts here on Reddit like this and most people decide living life on their own terms is worth it. It’s really sad to think someone could spend their entire life placating their parents to only live life when their parents die. I know a couple inlaws who lived life this way and it was really sad. One came down with dementia right after Mom finally passed at a ripe Old age. She never lived her life. She only lived the life as the dutiful daughter.
If you want to break away from your family it will be difficult and possibly dangerous for you. Dont do it until you are ready. You have to plan nearly the same as a domestic abuse partner trying to leave a relationship.
Please see if you can find other stories on Reddit for support and advice.