We’ve been together for a little under 2 years, and we have been living together for about 9 months now. He was changing my spark plugs out and I was watching so I could learn. The plan was for him to do the first pair and I would do the second pair. He was not letting me know what he was doing just telling me to watch him and when it got to my turn I ended up pulling the socket out and the boot got stuck in there. He got pretty annoyed and said I should have known I couldn’t pull it out like that because it is suctioned in there but he didn’t mention anything like that and said I should have asked if there was a specific way to pull it out before I did it and that if I was watching him well enough I would have noticed that it is suctioned in there. On our way home from getting a new boot for the spark plug he tells me that YouTube is free and that you only learn by watching and that he didn’t want to “go to work” before going to his actual job. So once we got back home I told him that he doesn’t have to worry about changing them and I’ll just find a YouTube video since it’s a chore for him, then he proceeded to tell me that he wouldn’t let me use his tools so I would have no way of doing it. He threw it back in my face saying that he paid for pliers to get it out and that he paid for the new boot also so he is going to do it. All I wanted from him was to let me know his process on what he was doing.
Unrelated situation, but we went on a roadtrip a few months ago, and there was an unexpected winter storm in one of the states we passed through and there was a lot of ice and snow on the road, which I am uncomfortable with since we live in a state that does not get snow usually. He had lost control of the car twice and we spun out both times but luckily recovered without damaging the car or hitting anything/anyone. This was a scary situation for me and I asked him to slow down after that, and he raised his voice at me asking me if I would rather get stuck there or make it home. I stood my ground on him slowing down and then he went agonizingly slow to be patronizing. He later apologized after his brother heard the full story from me, and I have since forgiven him.
In both of these situations I was left feeling like an idiot because 1. I have been in neither situation before and 2. He makes it seem like I’m asking so much of him when it feels like I am being reasonable. How do I tell him how he makes me feel if it is seen as a personal attack towards him?
TL;DR: my boyfriend makes me feel like an idiot sometimes.
Comments
He’s too competitive with you. Does he want to take good care of you as your man…. or just criticize you for trying? I smell at rat trap!! let him teach you a lesson and have him do it from now on. Lol you’ll be winning!
Do you guys even read the title of the complaints you post? “My boyfriend makes me feel dumb.”
Why is he still your boyfriend?
What you’re feeling is completely valid, this isn’t just about spark plugs or snowstorms, it’s about how your bf treats you when you’re vulnerable. If you’re scared to express your feelings because he takes it as a personal attack, that’s a red flag. He might not be very mature if he can’t handle open communication without making you feel small. You deserve a partner who listens, respects you, and makes you feel safe and not one who dismisses or mocks you. You’re not asking too much.
He sounds like an asshole. He is making sure you feel dumb on purpose. This is not a you problem.
You deserve better, leave him!