Trigger warning: talks of orthorexia/eating disorders.
For context, my boyfriend and I have been dating for one month but known each other for 3. He is a really fit guy and cares a lot about his looks. He also was on a dating app for fit people before we met. As for me, im fit as well. I have a been told I have a great body. I lift weights, run, bike, climb, play hockey, etc. but I have been through some eating issues and body image issues in the past. I’m 22, and have been noticing my body is changing. My boobs have grown and I have stretch marks on my thighs.
He has always said how great of a body I have. Said that he wants me to dress flattering when we go out so ppl can tell he has a fit girlfriend. This always raised a flag for me but whatever. He also knows I struggled with an eating disorder. I cried to him about it and he knows it gets bad when I start weighing my food. I’m finally becoming comfortable in my body and now he says this.
“Why are your boobs getting bigger?”
“Cause I’m going through second puberty I guess”
“Like healthy right like your not about to spill over and get whale”
“I have no idea”
“I hope not lol”
“If I do you can leave then if it bothers you lol”
“Thanks for the permission. Jk I love you 😂”
This pissed. Me. Off. I am usually a calm person and very understanding. But this rubbed me the wrong way. I feel sick. I’m not sure I can recover from this. Is it stupid to break up over this? Any advice is welcome. Thank you for reading
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Ewww brother. He needs to train his brain some, alone.
You’re only 1 month in to this relationship. I’d let him go
Leave before it’s too late.
At least he’s up front about it. Dump him.
No lie or exaggeration, I would block him right then and there. No hesitation whatsoever.
Definitely a red flag, if you’re thinking of spending your life with someone, you need to ask yourself if they would be with you through anything. That includes sickness which can change your body dramatically. Would he stay with you if you ever find yourself in a wheel chair? Would he stay with you if your thyroid gets messed up and you can no longer maintain the body you have now? You’ve only been with each other for a month and he’s saying this, he’s showing you who he is. Believe him.
You’ve known each other for 3 years as friends. This doesn’t seem like a crazy convo to have. Had you literally only known him a month and he had no idea of your history, it would be a little different.
You approached it jokingly and he matched that energy.
Yeah this relationship isn’t even worth saving
Sis, dump this 1-month bf, though? Whyever would you think it’s dumb to break up over this???
It is very reasonable to break up over this. Everyone’s body changes over time. What if you get sick and start gaining weight from medication? What if you get into an accident and get scarred up? Time comes for us all, and even when we care for ourselves our bodies still change, this is inevitable. Sounds to me he likes the idea of being with you, but not you. The “just kidding” isn’t really kidding when there is some truth to what he said.
And I get wanting to parade your partner around and show off, but the way he is going about it sounds more like an ego boost for him (which is fine, I myself love a good ego boost from time to time), but the ego boost sounds contingent around you looking a certain way to fit his aesthetic.
The question I have asked myself in the past and I ask you now is, if something happens to you, do you feel like he will take care of you?
Just to play Devil’s Advocate though, because I myself have said some stupid, insensitive crap to my partner that my brain felt was a joke when my partner felt it wasn’t: Did you ask him what he meant by that? He cares about your health which is why he asked about your boobs getting bigger in a healthy way, so is he genuinely concerned with what is going on in your body? Maybe he just made an off handed comment because he doesnt know how to broach the subject about being concerned about you physically? For all we know, he would take care of you if you were sick, because gaining weight from an illness/accident/whatever, is very different then gaining weight due to just being neglectful and not caring about caring for yourself.
I would have a sit down with him, explain why you were upset by his comment and give him a chance to think about it. The way he responds to you will matter and most likely determine if you should break up due to different emotional needs.
Good Luck Dziewczyno!
Bad news: you’ve wasted a month.
Good news: you’ve ONLY wasted a month. Boy, bye.
One month and he already being like this? Move on from this jerk!
Yuk. This is not only rude but hazardous to you because of your eating disorder. He needs dumping.
One month in and he’s speaking to you that way and saying he LOVES you? Yeah get out of there immediately, he is not the type of show unconditional love. He’s already planning on breaking up with you in the future because your BOOBS GREW?? What boyfriend wouldn’t be insanely happy about that usually??
This guy is gross and it’s only been a month? Please see the red flag waving high above you! 🚩
its nice that you’ve only been dating for 1 month, let him go! he is making you feel insecure from the first month, it wont get better believe me, they always say the first thing you argue in a relationship will be the last thing you argue before a breakup/divorce. just let him go and find someone who is not only interested in looks.
This guy is awful. You need to break up with him today.
HE IS DELIBERATELY TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU AREN’T PRETTY ENOUGH/FIT ENOUGH FOR HIM. This will go on forever. You don’t want to be with someone who deliberately tries to bring you down.
One month and he’s this big of an ass.
What the hell, op, love yourself more.
You have known this guy for 90 days, and he’s comfortable talking to you like this. No reason to keep him around as far as I can tell.
Imagine when you get pregnant.
Red flags:
This guy is gross and hugely obsessed with what he believes is the “ideal image.” He will make you self conscious and unhappy with body/hormone changes (which women will experience with birth control, pregnancy, menopause, perimenopause, and that mid-30s change). Dont date him. He might be fit and hot now, but that doesnt make him a decent boyfriend.
That would be enough to break up for me. He said this after ONE MONTH?!?!?! I’d be done right now.
Here is how I see it… It’s not hard to see why his comment came off as cruel, especially when you’ve dealt with body image issues before, and while I get that people can be clumsy sometimes, it’s got me thinking, does someone who says something like that really have your back in the long run?
This is not a healthy relationship for you. You have an ED and the last thing you need is someone who is superficial and only cares about outward appearances. I will say, I had a weird 2nd puberty around 19 – boobs got bigger and even grew about 1/2″ So I do understand what is happening to you and it is normal. However, your boyfriend’s comments are not normal, kind or accurate. He is just a superficial d-bag.
Your health – mental and physical – is one the priority.
He’s an asshole don’t waste more time on him
This soon into a relationship… absolutely not. Break things off. He’s telling you exactly who he is, which is somebody who is extremely shallow and critical, believe him. Don’t give him the benefit of the doubt.
Holy BARF.
I’ve gained probably 20 lbs since I first met my boyfriend and most of it in the last year/ish.
I mentioned I’d like to lose some weight and he said “Great, come to the gym with me” and “Lets eat better!”. He gave me a big hug, reassured me he found me as attractive as ever and that he loved me no matter what.
THAT is how a man handles that conversation. I trust that if I ever got heavy enough that it threatened my health or whatever, he would speak to me with respect and maturity.
He sees you as a sexy prop. He might have his own eating/body image issues that will only stress your own. Not worth continuing if he’s already showing his true colors.
Trust your instincts, break up, and maintain your health.
Girl. We date people to find a good fit for us.
I don’t think someone with your history should date someone that uses the phrase “get whale.” No one should.
He’s an absolute cuntmop.
And why the “I love you” after one month? Just don’t.
Dropping so many red flags the road is covered with them
After a month you’re basically just getting to know someone, and what he’s telling you is that he’s a shallow prick who’d prefer you relapse with your ED than be healthy.
There’s no shame in ending this right now.
Yes.
DTMFA
Let him go. If you ever gain any weight, he will make you feel like shit for it. Get out of there now.
Not supportive behavior for someone whose partner has an eating disorder and already struggles with their body. Fuck him!!
any reason is a reason enough to leave the relationship if you feel like it, you don’t have to ask anyone for validation if you think it’s the right decision then do it
If he’s so concerned about fitness that much maybe he should date another gym bro.
He is a fucking ass. 2nd puberty is definitely real haha. He is way too superficial.
At least he showed his true colors early on, good for you. Now it’s time to go and dump this sack of shit
God forbid you ever get pregnant or go through a life-altering event that prevents you from staying fit. 😬
There is a dating app for fit people?
Yes, this is enough to end a relationship
He’s too self centered and immature to date. My daughter started dating a guy and she was quitting vaping, she’s a stressful person in a stressful career , so she has been gaining some weight. He’s not a smoker and told her for her health he prefers she quit smoking, but it’s up to her, he would support whatever she chose, as for weight that’s nothing, we can work together if you want. Compared to her last boyfriend who nagged her all the time and stressed her out, she was actually finally able to quit and is now working on her weight gain. New boyfriend is still there supporting whatever she wants to do. Your boyfriend is possibly triggering your eating disorder again. He’s not supportive of you being healthy, body and mentally.
Girl what if you get sick/old/unable to work out for any reason, this guy gonna leave you if you ever gain any weight for ANY reason 💀 run while it’s early. i don’t mean you should aim for those things or find someone who is fine with you getting unhealthy or something but find someone who would love you if you got sick or couldn’t work or DID gain any weight 😰
Girl you’re only a month in, seeing hella red flags and on here asking if it’s okay to leave?? Just leave. I weigh 240, I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life and I have a joint disorder that makes staying fit nearly impossible. My partner loves me no matter what, no matter the extra skin or fat or rolls or stretch marks.
You have your whole life ahead of you, and your body is going to change a lot during it. Date someone that cares about the inside rather than the outside.
He’s gross and the way he sees human bodies is reductive and shallow.
Yick. End it.
A month????!!!!
Girl, run before you get in deeper. At a MONTH he should still be wooing you! This is as good as he will ever be,
RUN!
No relationship based on physical appearance being high priority will make it in the long run. At any time something outside of your control can happen and take your looks from you (his looks from him) so physical attraction alone isn’t a solid base to build a relationship on. His comments are those of a superficial & shallow person. Ask yourself: if you got sick or hurt in a way that affected the way you look, is this the partner you want to go through it with. If not, you’re wasting your time & might as well end it now.
Yknow that flag that was raised when he made that comment of showing off his “fit girlfriend” don’t ignore it next time. This is the next red flag that has been raised. Don’t ignore it and go with your intuition.
This guy is a walking ticket to therapy… it’s only been a month, consider letting him go. He sounds like a gross emotionally immature toad.
You can end a relationship at any time for whatever reason you want.
One month and it’s already like this? You gotta cut the cord and go. He sounds like a raging, narcissistic gym lurker.
This is what those red flags were trying to tell you about him. No one with an eating disorder past would ever be safe in a relationship with someone so forwardly shallow and vain. Not sure if people with more positive relationships with their weight are safe with someone like this either. I have never had a better relationship with my body than when I had an ex who would always tell me to eat more. I didn’t get fat in that relationship, he did, and I didn’t notice until someone else pointed it out. It is super weird to obsess over your partners body on this level, and it’s clear your body is the most important thing about you when it comes to him.
I suggest you immediately lose 150+ lbs of unwanted fat by eliminating that asshole from your life. He wants an ornament, not a partner.
It is not stupid. Break up. He is the stupid one.
This is a red flag. Meaning you should break up with him
He just told you how awful his personality is. It’s gross. His personality is level gross. 🤮
Yes, if you are done, then you are done. No need to meet some arbitrary mark before you call it off. If you aren’t feeling it, that is enough reason to be done, no need to drag it out until you both are emotionally scarred for life.
Why would this be stupid to break up over?? It’d be stupid to stay.
Either you’re OK with what he said it or you are not
My God. 1 month? There’s no question here. If this is what he’s saying now, can you imagine after the newness of the relationship wears off? There’s not enough context in the world that makes this a question. You don’t even owe him an exit interview. Depart this relationship without any worries.
Girl… leave him. Please. He said this less than 6 months knowing you. If you’re someone who is looking for a long term relationship or potentially kids later he’s not the one with all of the changes that happens with that. Even if not, you don’t want someone hovering over your eating habits and body changes. You’re a resilient person who’s worked hard to get through rough times with the disorder. He isn’t the one to be with through it.
Break up. Find someone who isn’t a clod.
Yeah that’s a no from me. Boy, bye
Cut him loose- he’s not a keeper!!
Girl leave him.
At one month, he should still be on his best behavior. The fact this is peeking through at 1 month is alarming.
Girl if you don’t kick this asshole to the curb!!! It’s only been a month!! End this expeditiously! You don’t need someone in your life that is a trigger and you don’t need someone whose feelings for you are conditional. God forbid you have a medical issue, naturally age, give birth, decide to stop working out, etc. Get out before you regret not doing it sooner!
He’s completely filled out a red flag bingo card in one short month. What an achievement! Leave him.
Please break up over this.
Girl you can do SO much better! This guy is so focused on image that it’s made him shallow and obsessed. He is not going to be relationship material for anyone until he gets that behavior in check.
Just be thankful that he showed his true colors only a few months in instead of a few years. Time to cut loose and move forward (bc seriously what kind of guy wouldn’t be excited for his gf to get bigger breasts???)
Side note: I’m 24F and had the exact same thing happen to me where out of nowhere my body just seemed to have “caught up”. I gained ~30 lbs, 3-4 cup sizes, stretch marks, and finally filled out in the space of like a year. I used to be very tall and skinny, often being compared to having an ed because of how I looked. Now, everyone comments on how much “healthier” I look, but the body dysmorphia that comes with such a major, rapid change to my body is not easy.
I just wanted to say that you are not alone in this and the sudden changes to your body can cause a lot of different feelings, but it’s okay! These kinds of things take time to adjust to, and I’m starting to get to a better place myself as I adapt to my new body. However, I will say it’s maybe worth getting your hormonal levels checked bc I personally seemed to have started all these changes around the same time I found a microadenoma on my pituitary that was producing too much prolactin. Once I got it in check, it flipped some sort of biological switch and all the changes happened.
Anyway, what you’re going through is relatively normal but worth to check in w your doctor about just in case. And most importantly, dump his ass.
Throw the whole man away.
Dump him. Me and my boyfriend are both fit and love being fit, and he would never say something so awful to me
If you ever want kids in the future, you just got a glimpse of how he will react to the changes that happen with pregnancy, or even just with age. Immature and disgustingly shallow. Dump the extra weight and find a better partner
He’s not mature enough for a real relationship, that’s the reality of it. He’s not equipped to care for you emotionally or mentally. If you say in this relationship, know this: he’s good for a lay at best, maybe to have him dance around or say something funny once in a while (big grey area).
Girl yall have only been together for one month, break it off and go find better.
Sounds to me like your weight loss plan should include losing (insert the stb ex’s weight here).
Honey, when you have food issues, why are you dating such a total pig?
He needs to learn not to talk like that and the only way to REALLY learn that lesson is for you to dump him. So really you’d be doing BOTH of you a favor.
Get out now girl
EW! Run!
The worlds smallest whale “the Phocoena phocoena” have a maximum weight of 130 pounds.
During your life you most likely will outweight it, so you can tell him “Yes, i will get fat like a whale”.
And then you dump his sorry ass.
Best of luck!
One month, and he’s already acting like this? What even drew you to this tool?
girl I’ll dump him for you if you won’t 😭