So a couple of days ago my girlfriend and I were in bed and just chatting, I was visiting her and about to leave to go home. She asked if we could be intimate and I said I don’t really feel in the mood. And she said it would only be for a couple of seconds just a tiny bit. I said I don’t really feel like it and then she asked again. I felt bad for saying no because I didn’t want to disappoint her so I said ok. She started to do it and I felt uncomfortable, I was hoping she would stop. She stopped very quickly and then got upset and said she felt really bad because she could tell I didn’t want to do it and did it anyway.
We’ve talked about it a few times and I am just having some space at the moment. I don’t know why but it’s really hard to let this go. She has said she is sorry and has repeatedly cried about it but also she said a couple of times that it was only for a few minutes and it was partly my fault for not saying no and that to not paint her as the villain if I talk to anyone else about it. So I feel like it is hard because I feel like she is sorry but when she says stuff like that it makes me feel like she isn’t taking enough responsibility. I don’t know if it’s me being dramatic or not and making a big thing out of nothing.
I don’t want to break up with her as I really love her but how can I get past this incident? The relationship has been going on for several months and it’s gone really well so far. I just can’t help replaying what happened.
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That’s sexual assault via coercion. Sex you have to be badgered into is rape. Your girlfriend sexually assaulted you and is telling you it’s your fault for not agreeing to sex and not to tell anyone what she did. She knows what she did is wrong and she’s not really sorry about it.
“She has said she is sorry and has repeatedly cried about it but also she said a couple of times that it was only for a few minutes and it was partly my fault for not saying no and that to not paint her as the villain if I talk to anyone else about it.”
This is not what someone who is genuinely sorry says. This is what someone who feels guilty and doesn’t wanna own up to their actions says.
You DID SAY NO.
You’re not dramatic, this was abusive.
Making mistakes like that is one thing, but blame shifting, guilt tripping and victim playing make it hard to let go and trust again, so it’s not only about the incident but how she handles this situation. I’d recommend educating about emotional control strategies and see if it resonates, see I’d this kind of manipulation is common with her and if it is, I would break up.
It would be totally valid to break up over this anyway. She did this, ok, we all make mistakes, but how she tries to make you get over it is really alarming. Good luck!