I [23F] have a boyfriend [23M] who failed out of college. Its hard for me to accept because I am an overachiever. While I was waiting for my grades from the previous semester, I asked him how his classes were going and he suddenly told me about how he failed all of his classes. I thought he was joking of course, after all its impossible to get an F in every class even if you try, right? Wrong. Apparently he failed because he lost motivation and all this time, he had been spending time playing video games. I was very disappointed in him, but no one ever treated me as well as he did so I decided to stay. It’s been a few months since then and he promised me he would do better, since he wanted to secure a good future for us. He applied to new colleges and so far he has been rejected from 2 because of his transcript (his grades from the previous semesters were shown). I really want to stay with him but I’m worried for my own future as well. I don’t want to be stuck being the provider and having him fall back to his old habits.
I can’t help but wonder if I should stay with him longer or just move on…
Yes I am still young, but I don’t want to wait until my late 30s to fully enjoy life with this man. I love him, but life can only pause for so long.
EDIT: Hi, I didn’t expect to get a lot of comments and messages really quick. We both got into top universities so it’s hard for me to believe that other colleges rejected him. I say this because I believe that getting into a top university would mean that he’s not completely hopeless. Please don’t be under the assumption that he has always been on the road to failure. He is naturally smart, and I’m hard working smart (which is why I was surprised he failed because he lost motivation…)
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I think you know the answer since you’re posting here. Go to college and enjoy it
Has he considered pursuing a trade instead? There are excellent opportunities out there if he has the right motivation and ability (without incurring in too much debt). University is not the right environment for everyone to thrive, and there’s no shame in that…
>he failed because he lost motivation and all this time, he had been spending time playing video games
That’s the excuse my friend gave before they got admitted to the hospital for suicide prevention.
Dude is trying but going about it all wrong. He should take some community college classes to “boost” his grades. Traditional colleges aren’t going to want to admit someone who just recently bombed his grades. That doesn’t show them that he is willing to get back on the horse. He needs to show improvement first.
Trade school is also an option. He may not have the motivation to sit in a room all day and read but maybe learning a trade is more intuitive to him.
College is hard
Well you know your answer ,left him and enjoy your college
Sounds like it’s best for the both of you that you guys go your seperate ways. If anything, this will motivate him to do better in life. Thats what happened to me. Lost an amazing woman in my early 20’s, which put me on a journey of self improvement. Now I got everything I want, with a person I love more than anything.
You have to prioritize your own future above all others. If he doesn’t want to change, then I would end the relationship, but it sounds like he needs some mental health help before he starts up school again
I think you have already decided but just want validation from others. You are dating, you are young, no marraige, no kids, maybe you 2 are just not compatible and it is ok to break up You sound highly ambitious, he doesnt. He hasnt found himself as in what he wants to do career wise. It is ok to move on.
If you stay with this guy, in ten years you’ll be posting about how your husband can’t hold a job and he smokes weed and plays video games all day.
Huh? Seriously what do grades or performance in college have to do with anything? Isn’t this just a reason to break up because you’ve lost interest?
You were “disappointed”. I would rather marry a gas station attendant than someone who cared about grades.
I mean, it’s a tough spot you’re in. He should get his shit together, but heck, ain’t we all been there?
My recommendation would be for him to go to a community College. I flunked out of college after 3 semesters, then transfered whichever credits I could to my local community college, went there for 2 years and greatly improved my grades, and finally re-enrolled (and transfered my community college grades) in another university to finish my Bachelor’s degree.
Finishing college after failing once is totally possible, if that’s what your concern is. Whether you’ll see the effort and results from him to do that is a different story. But I’d say, if you DO see the effort, then stick around to see the results as well. Hope it turns out well for you two.
It’s not even about failing school. It’s he didn’t ask for help and just went to play video games. All that money wasted. Has he considered a different route other than college? Community College? A trade school perhaps? What else has he done to better his future when he’s not applying for colleges? You can’t stay with someone just because they treat you well. Don’t lower your standards.