I, 23f, have been dating my boyfriend, 25m, for two and a half years. It’s a serious relationship at this point and we have been living together a little. Before being with me his last serious relationship lasted for three years. It was during college but she was a huge part of his life.
A few months into the relationship he confided in me that he has a dead son. His ex girlfriend had gotten pregnant towards the end of their relationship and eventually miscarried. He had even told me this whole story about how she told him that she lost the baby in a mexican restaurant. Throughout the relationship he’s given me new parts to the story. Always ending in the fact that she miscarried, was told about it much later, they broke up, and he never really saw her again after. I believed him and it never bothered me. I knew that miscarriage was a sensitive topic and was worried because I have fertility issues due to my PCOS.
Anyways flash forward to tonight, my boyfriend and I were watching an episode of The Pitt and there was a quick scene of a baby crowning during birth. I made a little joke about how clean her birth looked and how I found it hard to believe there wouldn’t be more gore. He quickly said “oh yeah there’s so much more blood”. I asked him how he would know that and he fell silent. I pushed further and asked him how he would know that since his ex never got to that point. He begrudgingly admitted that his ex did carry to term.
I was baffled because for two years he’s been lying to me. My confusion quickly turned to anger and I left the room.
I later approached him and told him that I needed space to reconsider the relationship. I said that regardless of which story was the lie, someone would have to mentally ill to consider coming up with stories regarding that topic.
If anyone else has been in this situation how do I approach it? I’m aware this is a sensitive topic but I firmly believe I have a right to feel upset. A miscarriage and still birth are two separate things and at this point I’m starting to wonder if his ex was ever pregnant in the first place.
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Sounds like he is lying it might be a big red flag is there people that might know the ex to be able to tell you the truth ? Asking the ex might be hurtful but she might not know what this man is saying about her
honestly, i think you need to ask for more clarification. you are allowed to be upset that you were lied to, absolutely. i’d also be pretty upset with how blasé he speaks about potentially losing his child, but i don’t know the guy, so i shouldn’t judge. it’ll be an easier situation for you to navigate if you know the truth.
I’d reach out to the ex. He’s either lying about the still birth all together or he has a kid and he’s a deadbeat.
I’d reach out to the ex
At this point, I would assume that he has a child with his ex unless she herself tells you differently. Clearly your BF isn’t capable of being honest about this.
I will ask his ex so I can dig deeper
His remark of there being so much more blood.. not really, unless something is not going to plan.
I’m thinking he may not have lost a child at all.