At first i’d like to say that english is not my native language so there might be some errors in my writing. Also this account is a throwaway and I might not answer to comments but I will read them all.
Some background story:
We have been together about 4 years but last year we were broken up (my decision )for few months because he didn’t seem interested in me and he was not able to say that he loved me to me. And the relationship felt one sided because I was the one who put most effort into the relationship for the last year or so.
He called me one day and begged me to come back and swore he loved me and was sorry that he didn’t give me what I asked for (the I love you’s or that he never bought me flowers).
That time I said to him that I’m sorry but I have moved on already (I was casually seeing someone else at that moment, that wasn’t serious and he was not good for me either) and it’s too late to fix those things because I was miserable for a lot of the time in our relationship. He said that some of my stuff were still there so we agreed on one day that I would come get them.
So comes the day that i go get my stuff and he opened the door dressed in suit and there was playing all of our songs in the background. He sat me by the table and there was a bucket full of roses and he started telling me how he was devastated after our break up and that he realized to late what he lost. He had written very beautiful poems for me of our relationship and the best moments we had I fell in love again at that moment. He asked for a second chance and I gave that to him but before that I said that if we wanted to try again then I would want it to be serious that I want to move together in the next year and eventually get married. He promised me all of those and seemed excited for the future.
So that was 7 months ago.
So couple nights back we were on the phone talking and he said that his close “related” friend told him that “he was gay… or bi” and he started asking me all kinds of questions about the topic, since that friend was married and had a child baby with his wife.
Questions like “how can I marriage work if one likes both genders?”, “Is it fair for the woman that other one likes also males”, “Can a bi man be satisfied in the marriage with a woman if he can’t be with men at the same time?”
Then questions started going towards that if one in the relationship is not satisfied is it okay to get it somewhere else. I said that it depends on what are the boundaries in that relationship that if it’s okay for that other person in the relationship.
Then he said that he is not completely satisfied with our sexlife even tho he loves me, and that he can’t really know if he is bi or gay because he has never tried men.
That threw me off because he has told me always that he loved the way I look and that I should be more confident because he finds me sexy. I have also done in bed all the things he had asked for and even asked what I can do better and followed the advice he gave me. I also am comfortable in my body nowadays and am acting more like it. One thing in our sexlife is that he rarely makes me finish, he really puts a lot of effort and wants to get me finish but i can’t really finish ( might be a side effect of a medication i take) but it does not bother me because its not that important to me.
He said that he would like to have rougher sex and that he can’t do it with me because I have previously preferred calmer sex because I wanted to feel loved and cared for since the after care is not easy for him always because he gets the motivation to do all kinds of things after sex.
It’s not that I don’t like it rough but I need proper after care after it.
He also said that he sometimes dreams that he could have violent sex with someone without hurting me and then go back to loving me.
After that phone call we have met ones and had great sex but all I could think was that still I can’t please him enough.
I fear that I allowed him to break my heart again by giving him a second chance and putting my all in our relationship again.
I don’t really know what I am searching for with this post but I feel like I cant talk to anyone about this.
TLDR: my boyfriend is not satisfied with our sexlife even though we mostly do stuff that he wants to do. I don’t know what to think or do.